Page 29 of Not His Usual Style (Diamonds of London #10)

“Fair enough, but I want you to know, the time we’ve spent together has shaken the foundations of my life.

” He wanted to choke on the words. Knowing she would soon walk out of his life would leave a ragged hole—already had—and his heart bled from it.

Perhaps it always would, for he couldn’t anticipate a time in the future when he wouldn’t mourn her loss.

Even if by some miracle, he and Sarah could have a loving marriage, it would prove excruciating to never see Victoria again.

“Please look at me. I want to get lost in your eyes one last time.”

Finally, she raised her gaze. Moisture glinted there; her eyes were luminous, and she had never been more beautiful.

In fact, she looked much like an angel in that golden gown with her blonde hair so elaborately arranged.

“Oh, Grey, why must you cling to duty?” Emotion gave her voice a smoky quality.

“Why won’t you finally live for yourself? ”

“I cannot, for I was raised knowing I would marry for position, land, and coin. Love was never an option.” Grey spat out the words, for he’d been a fool when he made his father that promise.

“If I don’t, Sarah’s father will sue me for breach of contract.

I’ll be destitute. What kind of life is that? ”

“At least it would be your own.” She shook her head, her eyes stricken, but they remained silent. “Regardless, I hope you do find happiness. You deserve that.”

“Thank you.” His nod was curt even as his heart was shattering from the multitude of fractures going through it. “We both will do what we must. You’ll write and at least let me know of that necklace’s fate?”

“I will.” A tear fell. She laid a hand on his chest. “Thank you. For everything. For your protection, your time, your attention, what we shared…” A few more tears fell to her cheeks. “For the first time since I lost Louis, I felt as if I mattered to someone again.”

Oh, God.

Every one of those crystal drops broke him. They swept into his soul and rubbed him raw. Grey moved his hands to her waist then slid them up her ribcage, past the sides of her breasts to hold her shoulders. “You do. God, you do so much. Never forget that.”

“You do as well. Remember that.” Her moisture-spiked lashes framed blue-gray eyes full of emotions he couldn’t identify.

Or wouldn’t, for that would make this night so much worse.

Her voice broke. She spent a few seconds composing herself, and it was the most pitiful thing he’d ever borne witness to. “If things were different…”

But they aren’t and can never be. “Damn it all to hell.” He couldn’t stand to see her in distress, especially not when her abject sadness mirrored his own.

But he was too much a coward to say what was in his heart, what had been scrolled over his soul, for he wasn’t quite sure what to call it.

Love? Was it love? Did he believe in that?

Looking at her, knowing he couldn’t be with her again after tonight, his heart squeezed, ached so much he gasped from the pain. It might be love after all.

And I’m tossing it away as if it doesn’t matter. He was indeed the fool both Sarah and Victoria had called him in roundabout ways. His heart broke all over again without her to help him glue his pieces back together.

Unable to bear one more second apart from her, Grey tugged her down over his body. “Let me give you a proper goodbye.” A groan escaped him, for she felt far too good against him.

“I haven’t bid you nay yet, Montague.” She peered up at him, a mixture of hope and misery in her eyes. “You have been my greatest adventure, I think, more valuable than the Marie Antoinette diamonds.”

“Shit.” With those words, he was done for.

Grey took her into his arms and kissed her soundly.

It was a hard and unyielding embrace, for he wanted to sear himself onto her brain.

“Remember me, Victoria, even when you’re into your dotage with a bevy of grandchildren playing about your feet,” he said between kisses that not only set his blood aflame but also threw him off the tallest building to plunge to his death.

It was pure folly, but he needed her like a drowning man needed air.

It didn’t matter that their time was quite literally ticking down.

“I could never forget you.” She returned his kisses with the gentle enthusiasm he was learning was one of her hallmarks. This was not a woman who regretted what she’d done. Soon, she was as breathless as he.

If he was a gentleman, he’d let her go, put an end to their association, but he’d never been quite sane when Victoria was involved.

Even from the first, when he’d slipped his fingers around her wrist in that damned library, she’d invaded his mind and infected his blood.

“Scandal it’ll be tonight; I don’t care.

” Grey yanked down the low bodice of her beautiful gown, and when her gorgeous breasts were bared to his view, a shuddering sigh escaped his throat.

The second he cupped those mounds, palmed the quivering flesh, worried those pink nipples into hard peaks, he set out to kiss her senseless.

One more taste, one more drink, one more time to hear her cry out in repletion so the sound would haunt him for the rest of his life.

The scent of her, the silk of her skin, the way her lips glided over his, the magic in her touch as she burrowed her fingers beneath his shirt all worked at his undoing.

“I didn’t have enough time with you.” She slid her fingers through the hair at his nape. “There is so much I would have adored doing to you, with you, along with finding out more about you.” Her voice wavered. “Now Sarah will have that joy.”

“Ha.” Not trusting himself to say anything, he claimed her mouth again, treated her to deep, drugging kisses he hoped would imprint his very essence into her brain.

But even that tactile embrace wasn’t enough.

He wanted all of her, needed to be with her, needed to join them together in the most basic of ways so he could retreat to this moment when life became too overwhelming in the years to come.

God, but he wasn’t strong enough to give her up!

Over the course of four days, she had shown courage, strength and determination, more than he could ever gather for himself.

There hadn’t been time enough to see more of her intelligence, to watch as she reached her full potential, to listen to her stories and learn about her life, or even come to know her father.

What would happen to them if her father managed to wager away the rest of the coin he had to his name? It was too sad and worrisome to contemplate.

To distract himself, he continued to kiss her, to taste her in an effort to take away her tears.

He wanted to make certain she’d keep his memory alive and etched upon the very chambers of her heart.

Yet those kisses did nothing to settle the panic in his soul or patch the rapidly widening cracks in his heart.

With a sound that was a half-cry half-groan, Grey slid his hands to her hips, ground his rampant erection into the cradle of her thighs, into her center, and when she held him steady with her legs twined about his, he nearly came undone from the simply joy of having her in his arms.

“Victoria…” His heart broke again, into finer pieces than it previously had, for this was the last time he’d ever touch her, for he rather doubted she was the type of woman who would be satisfied in being a mistress.

I can’t think about that right now else I’ll go mad.

Staving off the need to sob, he buried his face between her soft breasts, palmed them, fondled those modest globes.

When she urged him closer, he gladly suckled the nipples until she moaned and squirmed against him.

Oh, it would be so easy to lose himself in her and never look back, but time was against them. Soon, someone would come searching for him, since that damned ball had been thrown in his honor as well as Sarah’s.

“Grey, please.” Victoria panted, twined her arms about his shoulders and whispered into his ear. “I want to know you’ll remember me as well, that I at least made you think differently about the world even in the short time we’ve known each other.”

Oh, God. “Of course you have; I’m as shocked as you regarding that.

” Hot tears rose in his throat; they cut off his words.

Wading through the heartbreak of something that might be love if he gave himself time to truly think about it wasn’t something he had much experience in.

Grey kissed her as if she held the last drop of water and he wanted to share it with her.

When that wasn’t enough to tell her what was on his mind, he delved a hand between them, fought through yards of silky fabric to find his frontfalls.

After wrenching the panel from its buttons, he guided his prick through the fabric in search of her center.

When the head of his member bumped her wet opening and she moaned with the same need coursing through him, he didn’t hesitate. Grey thrust upward once and deeply until he was fully seated in her heat, and he died a thousand deaths to know this was final. “Ah, Victoria…”

“You feel so good.” The whispered admission stole his breath. Her eyes shuttered closed, but she wriggled into a more comfortable position and held him tight. “Fill me perfectly… you are perfect.”

Pieces of his breaking heart went into her care. Perhaps she could make something beautiful with them.

The blonde arcs of her lashes against her pale cheeks almost leveled him.

“That is exactly how I feel about you.” With a half-cry, half-groan, he pushed into her with long, powerful strokes while she met him each time, moving her hips to crash down onto him.

Being joined with her was too much, and he would break apart soon, but he slowed down, needing to savor this act. “God, I need more.”

“So do I.” She stared up at him with tear-wet lashes and so much hope in her stormy eyes that he caught his breath. “Give me all of you.”

“I will.” In fact, she already had all of him, but it wasn’t enough.

Wrapping his arms around her, he flipped them both over.

It didn’t matter that they were more or less tangled in skirting, seeing her nestled in gold with such trust and emotions in her eyes nearly brought him to his knees in surrender.

“Damn, Victoria, how can I give you up?”

“You must.” Her voice broke. “We were never meant for forever.”

No! In that moment, he forgot everything—the promise he’d made to his father, the knowledge that his marriage would have friendship but no romantic love, the fact that Sarah was increasing with another man’s child—and he poured all his concentration, all that he was, into coupling with the woman he’d accidentally found.

Deeply he went into her lush body as she molded herself to his form. Stronger he joined with her, wanting to feel every single glide and brush of his skin against hers, the way her heat welcomed him home over and over.

Of course he couldn’t last, for he was far too stimulated for longevity.

His thrusts grew more frantic. Harder, deeper, faster he moved his hips, seeking to be one with her, for then she might not leave him, their reality might not be true.

Victoria bucked her hips in time to his frantic movements, and for a few seconds, their breathing, their coupling, their carnal dance aligned and everything was perfect.

Raw sensation raced through Grey’s member.

His stones pulled tight to his body and then he fell over the edge into bliss the same time she did.

There was no chance to bedevil her button or explore those slick folds, but then, perhaps they were far too primed.

Her soft, whimpering cries of completion warmed his ear while she collapsed into him, clinging to his neck as if he might disappear, holding on as he sank into her soft body.

“Oh, Montague.” Her lips brushed the side of his neck. “Would that everything was different, for remembering you will be such torture.” Her whispered words were so low he could have imagined them, but her quiet sobs washed the sentiment away.

“Indeed.” As his breathing returned to normal, Grey held her tightly for the last time, telling her with his body what he couldn’t with his words. Never did he want to let her go, but they couldn’t remain here, for their paths led in opposite directions.

Just as they always had.

Eventually, he pulled back and then levered off her body.

Tears streaked her face, those same signs of despair also threatened to erupt from him soon if he didn’t flee.

“Goodnight and goodbye, Victoria.” He dropped a kiss to her forehead.

“I wish you good fortune in France with the royal family. I adore your commitment to what is right.”

A cry that sounded like “no” came from her. She caught his hand, and he reveled in that parting touch. “Please try to make your union with Lady Sarah work as best you can despite the circumstances.”

Though he nodded, he knew there was no hope of that, for things were far too complicated now. “I will.” It was an empty promise, the first he would break.

She struggled into a sitting position on that sofa, fussed with her bodice until it properly covered those perfect breasts. “Be the man I know you can be, the man I had a passing glance of during the short time I’ve known you.”

Oh, dear God, why does this hurt so damned much?

Surely, he was wrong. Surely, a man couldn’t fall in love with a woman he didn’t know in just a few days.

He couldn’t take it any longer. “Victoria, I…” In the end, he was a coward. Without another word, Grey fled the parlor, putting himself to rights as he went. He ran blindly through too many corridors before stumbling down the grand staircase as sobs racked his body.

Everything he’d ever wanted was in that woman, but his hands were tied by his damned duty and the promise he’d made to his father.

Yet how could he return to his obligations and live his life as if nothing between them had ever happened?

As if his whole existence hasn’t been flipped onto its head just from knowing Victoria, his very own diamond?

How can I go on?