Page 2 of Not His Usual Style (Diamonds of London #10)

The pain and angst in her eyes cut him to the quick.

“What if I don’t want that anymore?” Sarah left her spot on the sofa to maneuver herself across his lap with her legs hanging off to one side while his arms came around her.

When she met his gaze, it was as if she tried to stare into his soul.

He had to acknowledge to himself that at one time, when he was much younger, he was perfectly comfortable with knowing he’d eventually marry her, for she was a lovely person inside and out.

Yet the chemistry and connection he expected never materialized.

Had he had his own share of affairs over the years?

Of course. Had he developed connections with a couple of those women?

Yes, and none of those feelings were present between him and Sarah.

It was a good indicator that they just weren’t a good romantic match.

“You can’t honestly tell me you want this marriage.

It’s not fair to either of us, and do you want to spend our remaining years on this earth miserable together, knowing a union is all too wrong? ”

Wrong, right? Did it matter when his responsibilities to the title weighed far too heavily on his shoulders?

“You have a point, Sarah, but…” He hated seeing the disappointment in her expression, but what else could he do?

“Sometimes, if you want to be free and to actually live your life without guilt or resentment, you have to accept the scandal.” When she smoothed a lock of hair from his brow, feelings of protection and friendship came over his person.

Inside of that, there was only fondness but not love.

“Will you promise to at least consider breaking the contracts?”

“This is our duty.”

“No, it’s your duty, but why can you not see that there is more to this existence than duty?

Than responsibility?” She huffed and a look of annoyance passed over her face.

“Your father is dead. You owe him nothing.” When she laid a palm against the side of his face and turned his head so that their gazes met again, his heart dropped, for he knew he was constantly failing her.

“I value our friendship, Grey, but I won’t marry you. ”

“You must, love. The ceremony is planned, the wedding dinner has been set and supplies ordered. The minister has been secured. In six days, we will be man and wife.”

Some of the color leeched from her cheeks.

“No. I love Phillip; I want to marry him, start a life with him. You have no idea what it feels like to be trapped like this, to be kept from every one of your dreams.” Sarah shook her head.

“Tell me, if you fall in love with a woman, would you truly demand that I marry you in her stead?”

“I truly don’t know. It’s never happened to me.

” Because he’d been careful; he’d known he would marry Sarah all his life, so he’d guarded his heart.

Had he lost out on the love of his life due to that?

Perhaps, but again, that was something else he would never know the answer to, and that was a good thing. No sense torturing himself over it.

“How would you feel if you’d given your heart to a woman and all you wanted to do was spend your time and life with her because she was your everything…

only to remember that you were due to wed a woman you didn’t love like that.

” She wore her soul on her sleeve as she talked to him.

“Imagine how your heart would break, day after day, to know she would never truly be yours because you decided to choose responsibility and a promise over love.”

“Frankly, it sounds like a miserable life.”

“That is exactly my point.” As she wiped away another tear, she managed to offer him a watery smile. “Promise me that you will think about what I’ve said.”

“I promise.” But there wasn’t much he could do about it. They were rapidly approaching the eleventh hour.

“Thank you.” She patted his cheek. “Don’t hold me to a prison sentence just because you’re afraid of scandal and gossip.” One of her eyebrows rose. “Or bucking responsibility.”

God, she knew him so well. Why couldn’t they cultivate romance between them?

How could they have been such close friends all these years and carnal love not be exchanged?

But he nodded. “I shall bear it in mind.” Then, because he needed the confirmation, he pressed his lips to hers in a kiss that held absolutely no heat, no electricity, sparked no desire of any kind.

Quite honestly, it was as if he’d kissed his sister…

and expected a smack for his ridiculous actions.

Seconds later, he pulled away. “Well, there is that, hmm? At least we’re consistent.

” They blinked at each other, and then laughed, for it was just as he’d suspected.

While theirs was a match made on affection and friendship and parental guidance, there was no desire or passion.

Then Sarah gave him a playful smack to his shoulder. “Don’t be an arse, Grey,” she said as she moved off his lap.

“I’ll try not to be.” He stood, for she didn’t appear to wish to return to her place on the sofa, and neither did she call for a refresh of the teapot. “What are your plans for the evening? I can take you driving if you wish it.”

“Oh.” A red blush stained her cheeks. “That is a lovely offer but I’m doing the same with Phillip then we are going to attend the opera. I have a new gown for the occasion.”

“I see, but I’ll wager you look splendid.

” A lesser man would have been jealous of her blatantly touting her relationship in his face, especially since they would wed in six days, but he understood.

“Don’t be overly blatant about it, though.

Embarrassment is not something I wish to have my name attached to.

Neither of us need the speculation that there might be something wrong with me. ”

“Other than stubbornness?”

He pulled a face. “Touché.” And if he didn’t break the marriage contracts, would he need to endure that continuously when she continued to see the love of her life outside the bounds of their union?

“Don’t worry. I shall be discreet. After all, Phillip is a newly minted viscount. He doesn’t wish to have society’s gossips come down on him either.”

How would her father react knowing that his daughter had settled for a viscount over an earl? Well, that was none of his business, and for the moment, he would still hold her to her promise. In six days, they would recite vows to one another, just as they’d always been told would happen.

“Have a lovely evening, then.”

“Thank you, Grey. I do hope something unexpected occurs for both of us that will set us on the paths we should be walking instead of the ones we were told we needed to.” Then, with a wave, she left the room.

For long moments he stared at the spot she’d just vacated and wondered how everything had gone so wrong? For years there had been a certain level of comfort and security in knowing his future had been mapped out. Now, nothing was going according to those plans.

Damn. What am I supposed to do now?