Page 28 of Not His Usual Style (Diamonds of London #10)

Shit, I’m the biggest nodcock in all of London.

Grey didn’t care as he held onto Victoria’s hand while leading her up the grand staircase to the second floor of the duke’s home.

He also didn’t care that he was due to marry another woman on the morrow.

Every beat of his heart called Victoria’s name; every breath he took screamed that he couldn’t see a future if she wasn’t in it.

He ducked into a room at the right of the stairs.

No candles burned inside, so clearly it was off limits to ball guests, and he was quite all right with that, for he wanted privacy.

Perhaps it was a private parlor, but the ducal couple wouldn’t have need of it for the next hour. “This will suit our needs.”

“What if we’re found out?”

“We won’t be.” After he closed the door behind them and threw the locking mechanism, Grey immediately took her into his arms and claimed her lips in a rather intense kiss, keeping her trapped between him and the door at her back even as his heart felt as if it was being shredded.

Victoria must have felt that same connection, that same desperation, for she looped her arms about his shoulders and kissed him back, awkwardly at first, but then with more confidence and authority.

With every tiny movement of her lips on his, with each press of her soft body into the harder planes of his, he fell all the harder for an idea that he could never have…

Fell for her. Despite the impossibility of a future with her.

Wrenching away, he rested his forehead against hers.

“Victoria, I…” He cleared his throat, for it had grown tight with everything he hadn’t allowed himself to feel since meeting her in that library at the rout.

If he said the things that were rapidly being written on his heart, covering that organ with the ink of his soul, he’d come undone, and everything would fall.

Everything he stood for would come crashing down and destroy them all in the process.

“I hope your travels are safe and successful.”

“Thank you.” The warmth of her breath skated over his cheek. “And I hope your nuptial ceremony tomorrow leads to… contentment if you believe there will never be love.”

“I can’t see how it will. Sarah and I were misaligned from the start; I’m just too much an arse to stop it.

” His chest constricted. “I’m a fool.” He couldn’t breathe properly.

If she was pregnant from their first coupling, it might truly kill him to know she would have to flee London in disgrace.

Could he step in and raise the bastard? Yes, but it would never inherit the title if it was a male and without her, what was the point?

Of anything?

“Why are you clinging to the promise you made to your father on his death bed? You have a chance to make everyone happy, but you won’t. Why?”

“I suppose I owe you an explanation… after everything.” But it made him afraid, and he didn’t enjoy feeling cowardly.

She pressed her lips together while tears twinkled in her gorgeous blue-gray eyes. “You do, and if this is the last time I’ll be in your company, I want to know it’s for a good reason.”

“Right.” Not knowing how to begin, Grey led her over to one of the sofas.

Even in the gloom, the white-painted wooden frame gleamed, and the brocade cushions were inviting.

He sat heavily and pulled her down beside him.

“My whole damned life I wanted to be like my father. Hell, I wanted to be better than the man my father was.”

“And you don’t think you’ve accomplished that?”

“In many ways, yes, I do. However, he and my mother despised each other much of the time.” As he spoke, he tugged her closer and drew his lips along the side of her neck to the crook of her shoulder.

That wonderful gown made everything so much more satisfying and easy.

“I didn’t wish to have a marriage like that, so when my father and Sarah’s struck an arrangement for our engagement, I didn’t mind because I’d always found her likeable enough and we had known of each other before. ”

“Because you move in the same circles?” Victoria turned to him. She undid the buttons on his tailcoat, and he absolutely helped her to remove that piece of clothing, left it to slip off the sofa to the floor.

“Yes. I thought if she and I had a chance of having a marriage better than my parents, then I would do what I could not to fight my father’s wishes.

” He didn’t want to talk about this. Instead, he wanted to make love to her, show her how he felt even though he shouldn’t have such emotions for a woman who wasn’t his wife.

“So you made your father a promise when he was dying that you would marry Sarah and do whatever it took to make it work. So you would be better than him, give the title what it needed.”

“But I waited too long, drug my feet because I didn’t want to marry.” He loosened his cravat, and Victoria yanked the length of silk from his neck. “Sarah met someone else. She fell in love, and now our marriage is doomed for certain failure.”

“Yet you can walk away.” When she frowned, all he wanted to do was kiss her… and forget. “What is holding you back?”

“My father never did anything for me; he was constantly ordering me about. It’s one of the reasons why I went into the military, merely to get away from him after my mother died. I wrote to Sarah, and we became close friends.”

Victoria’s eyes widened. “And?”

His cuffs, collar, and waistcoat followed the other clothing to the floor.

“When I discovered that my father had already spent or used the dowry for his own needs, I was livid. I threatened him when I was on leave that I would refuse to marry her and live out the remainder of my life in the military.” When he met her gaze, saw the compassion and understanding there, the hopelessness came roaring back.

“My father said that following through on the wedding would make him proud. I’d never heard those words from him before, and it made an impression on me. ”

“Oh, Montague.” With a sigh, Victoria gently pushed him backward until he reclined on the sofa with his back against a decorative pillow.

Then she climbed on top of him, straddling his waist with her golden skirts flowing about them.

“He manipulated you, but when you were home again and he was on his death bed, he asked you when you’d marry. Correct?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “I was weak and lost in grief. Even though he was a horrible father, he was mine . How could I renege on that promise? It made him so happy at the end.” A sigh escaped him, for he was quite distracted by her, and already his length was shuddering to life.

“And now tomorrow I’ll follow through with that promise. ”

“Yet it doesn’t matter. Your father is gone.”

“That’s what Sarah said too, but I’ll know, and I don’t break my promises.” Unable to not touch her, Grey put his hands at her waist. “It’s something I pride myself in, Victoria. I can’t go back on that; it’s at the very core of who I am.”

“I understand that, but sometimes life requires us to think differently.”

“It’s too late.” His stomach pitched at the magnitude of what he would do less than twenty-four hours from now. “But tonight belongs to us. You and me. So we’ll have something to remember when…” He couldn’t finish the thought, couldn’t say it aloud for that would make it all too real.

A tiny frown tugged at one corner of her mouth. How well he remembered what those lips had tasted like, how softly they’d cradled his, how she’d moved them over his skin. “You are willing to sacrifice your life, Sarah’s happiness, for a promise?”

“There is naught else I can do.”

“Perhaps not.” She turned her attention to the rain-speckled windows that cast odd shadows on the wall in the dark. “But I admire the determination and how you adhere to your principles.”

Even when it turns into stupidity.

Tension brewed in the air between them. How could she sit there so calm and composed, leaning over his body until their lips were so close, when his stomach was in knots, his thoughts jumbled, his world crumbling, falling, ending?

To her eyes, was he being an idiot? But if a man didn’t have his principles, he was nothing, and he wanted her to think of him fondly.

For lack of anything intelligent to say, he blurted out, “You will no doubt have a lovely time in France. I’m sure your father will take you to interesting sites.”

No! That’s not what I want to say!

“Perhaps, but that isn’t the focus of my visit.

” Her voice was so low, he barely caught the words.

When she turned her head and found his gaze, stark longing lit those depths for the space of a few heartbeats.

“Though to see the Palace of Versailles will be something I’ll never forget.

” She dropped her gaze to the open placket of his shirt.

Why couldn’t it be him who escorted her there? To show her the lovely things the country of France had to offer, the ones Napoleon hadn’t destroyed?

“I’m glad you’ll be able to travel. Oddly, Sarah and I will travel through France much at the same time you will.

” Would they even be on the same ship? That would be both a dream and a nightmare.

Why the devil wouldn’t she look him in the eye?

Did she regret the time they’d shared and was too much a coward to admit it?

Did it mean nothing. Do I mean nothing to her?

Something akin to panic welled in his chest. “Victoria, I…”

“Don’t say it.” A waver entered her voice. “Don’t say anything to mar this moment or make it worse.”