Page 19 of Not His Usual Style (Diamonds of London #10)

“Who can say? Perhaps one of the finger foods didn’t agree with her, or perhaps her stomach rebelled from the champagne.

” It was far too dangerous to continue this line of questioning, for there was only so much lying he could do before she found him out; they’d known each other a long time.

At the last second, he stopped himself from loosening the knot of his cravat.

“How did you spend the remainder of the evening after I left Dawson’s? Did the Runners arrive?”

The least he could do was find out how much trouble they would all land in.

“By the time the rout concluded—and it limped along for about an hour after you left—Lord Dawson was in quite the thither. He said loudly a few times that he was going to summon Bow Street, but I honestly don’t think it occurred last night. Possibly this morning, more likely.”

“That would probably have been the best strategy, for I rather doubt anyone would be present at Whitehall in the after hours.”

“True enough.” For the space of a few heartbeats, Sarah stared at him with questions in her eyes.

“And you were escorted to your father’s home safely, I would imagine?”

“You know I was.” She dropped her gaze. “Phillip graciously drove me there… eventually. We, um, didn’t go straight there after the rout.”

He rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “So I surmised.” And he didn’t wish to hear of her further infidelity, for that would make him compelled to admit to his own.

“In fact, we both felt the need to go to Hyde Park for the quiet after the chaos of the rout.” Her eyes widened while a pretty blush stained her cheeks. “It was quite… satisfying.”

Oh, God.

“I realize you aren’t remotely faithful to me or our betrothal, and I’m willing to turn a blind eye to that, but please, spare me the details between you and your lover.

” If the words were more harsh than he’d intended, he couldn’t help it.

She flaunted her relationship with Phillip, who was a viscount, yet he was being flayed alive by barbs of guilt for doing much the same with Victoria.

“The less we discuss it, the less are the chances it will become fodder for gossip.”

Was he already a laughingstock in the betting books at the clubs?

“I’m sorry.” She leaned into him, and he couldn’t help but put an arm about her shoulders. After all, she was a friend first. “I should have kept it a secret.”

“In some ways, yes, but I’m glad you told me. Somehow, it makes expectations and responsibilities easier to digest.” It also made his sins with the baron’s daughter easier to justify.

A frown tugged the corners of her mouth downward, and as he dropped his gaze to her mouth, he realized her lips weren’t nearly as full as Victoria’s, and her eyes, though trusting and soft as a doe’s, weren’t the blue-gray hue he wanted to see.

“Can I assume that you haven’t changed your mind regarding breaking our engagement? ”

“I have not.” How could he explain his reasoning or his thoughts regarding the things that bound them when he couldn’t sort them properly for himself?

Especially now with the complication of bedding Victoria?

“At this point, it is much like a habit. I have been engaged to you for nearly twenty years. I have always known it was the path I was meant to walk.” None of that made it easier to swallow.

“ Ton marriages are complicated, and ours will be no exception. You are free to make your own decisions within the union, be with your lover as much as you want, but you will need to stop such amorous activity for a year after our wedding, for obvious reasons.” He was a heel to ask that of her, but he couldn’t in good conscience give a bastard his name and title.

“Be advised that the gossips won’t be kind to either of us. ”

His thoughts went to Victoria. What was she doing right now? Did she regret what they’d done this afternoon? How was she faring? Had he hurt her in his exuberance to join with her?

“I know, but how can I be expected to give Phillip up just because you’re being bullheaded about this engagement that neither of us wants?” In some agitation, Sarah stood up from the sofa in order to pace with her arms folded around her as if she tried to comfort herself.

With a sigh, he nodded. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands.

“When my father lay dying on his death bed, he implored me to keep this engagement intact. He said it was the best thing for me, that you would prove the perfect countess, and that he’d already used the dowry your father offered.

Made renovations to this townhouse.” God, what a mess.

“That he’d also had the cottage demolished on a small parcel of land your father gave as part of the wedding payment, so I was obligated to move forward with the union. ”

A gasp escaped her. “The darling little cottage my grandmother had grown up in with her four siblings in Kent?”

“Yes.” He nodded and raised his head to glance at her. “I’m sorry.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I adored that cottage, had hoped that someday my father might give it to me so I could pass it down to my children.” She sniffled.

“There was always such a coziness there whenever I would visit, such peace. Once, I asked my grandmother why that was. She smiled and told me because the cottage was filled with so much love that it had seeped into the stone. And where there is love, there is contentment and calm. That a couple could go through many hardships in life, but if love was present, they could meet and overcome every one of them.” Sarah brushed at the moisture on her cheeks.

“I took those words to heart, grew up with them etched upon my soul. I even had them etched on the back of one of my lockets, because I wanted that for my own life.”

“And instead, you found yourself engaged to a man you’ll never love, a man to whom you’ll need to bear an heir—if we’re both fortunate the first time—which will require coupling you won’t enjoy, and be forced to pretend for the rest of your life that this was what you wanted all along.

” A ball of emotion lodged in his throat, for his perspective was beginning to shift.

“I promised my father I would marry you because he thought the marriage would make me a better earl than he was, but now I’m obligated to go through with it because he already used the gifts your father offered.

” He almost sobbed, but caught himself in time.

“The coin was spent, and the cottage is gone; I can only give one back, and I’ll wager your father will refuse to void the contracts anyway.

The match will only make him look better in society’s eyes. ”

“But…” Her words trailed away as she cried.

He hated himself in that moment, but he had to hold the line.

It was the only thing he had left that connected him to his father.

“Breaking the contract will cost me a fortune. It isn’t a responsible decision on my part to bankrupt myself for the sins of my father.

So we will marry, and in this way, we can perhaps find a way to live out our days marginally happy.

” Yet after what he’d shared with Victoria, he suspected that wasn’t an option.

Could he forget her at some point? Yes, of course, but would she be indelibly stamped upon his soul?

In that moment, he couldn’t answer the question.

“Oh, Grey, how can you even think that is possible? Why must you be so unyielding?” Then, with more tears falling to her cheeks, Sarah ran from the room.

How the devil have I fallen into such a mire?

Cursing himself and the situation, he stood and went after his fiancée.