Page 24 of Not His Usual Style (Diamonds of London #10)

Mountjoy House

Berkley Square

Mayfair, London

Grey pinched the bridge of his nose and willed the budding megrim to fade. Once more Sarah had popped in for a visit, and though he welcomed her presence, it was the subject matter that caused him undue anxiety.

“Mr. Hoffer has been engaged as minister for the morrow. In his letter, he says he’ll arrive here an hour before the ceremony with a clerk in tow.”

“He seems a nice enough man, and he is articulate. Or at least he was the last time I attended Sunday services,” Sarah said with a bit of a frown. “Did you promise that he could attend the dinner afterward?”

“I did.” God, here they were discussing last-minute details for the wedding ceremony on the morrow as if both their lives weren’t going to come crashing down about their ears.

“I’m rather fond of the fact that we chose five o’clock in the evening for the nuptials instead of the morning.

There is something satisfying about defying the matrons of society in that small way.

” Additionally, they could move directly to the wedding night and have it out of the way and not need to worry about it later.

Her smile was weak at best. “I wouldn’t exactly call that defying society, but I suppose one must take small steps at first when heading toward scandal.”

“Perhaps.” Distracted, Grey glanced at the list written in his leatherbound notebook.

He didn’t sleep well the night before due to worry about Victoria.

That kiss in Hyde Park yesterday hadn’t been nearly enough, and now it was just past one o’clock this afternoon.

Had she been pounced on by Bow Street? Had she and her father been hauled to Whitehall for interrogation and processing for Newgate?

Where was the Marie Antionette necklace now?

“Grey?”

“Hmm?”

“Woolgathering?” One of her brown eyebrows rose in question.

“I suppose. Did you say something?” Had Victoria visited with the modiste he’d suggested, and if so, what sort of gown had she selected? Excitement buzzed at the base of his spine, for he couldn’t wait to see her tonight at the ball.

God, I’m such a nodcock and quite possibly a cad.

“Yes. I was telling you about the gown I’m going to wear for tomorrow.

It’s ivory and gold brocade with a bit of a train, and my mother insisted on a long nearly sheer veil to the toilette that is bordered with lace.

” She shrugged but didn’t seem all that keen about the garments.

“It will be attached to a crown of autumnal flowers.”

“That sounds lovely. You’ll make a beautiful bride.” At least that was the truth. Sarah had pleasing looks; the guests would think fondly back on the ceremony for years to come. Too bad the whole mess was about to turn his stomach.

“Thank you. I will enjoy wearing the gown.” Yet there was a catch in her voice he couldn’t ignore.

So he plunged ahead, as if the foundation of their union wouldn’t bother him.

“As for the wedding trip. The tickets for the ship and the paperwork for lodging along the way were delivered this morning by my man-of-affairs. We will travel to France and then journey through the country to the south where we’ll spend a couple of months enjoying the seashore.

Finally, we’ll continue the trip until we arrive in Rome where we will pass the Christmastide season, and then return to England in mid-February. ”

Alone and with each other. It should have been a trip steeped in luxury and romance, but instead, he suspected they would both be consumed with grief and regret.

“It should be lovely this time of year there. Perhaps it will even prove sunny, which is more than I can say for England in the autumn,” Sarah said with a nod, but she didn’t look at him. “You have done well in the planning, Grey.”

“I tried to take your interests into consideration.” In a different world, perhaps, they would have been the typical couple in love as they traveled through France and then to Rome, touring through churches and ancient sites or enjoying the food.

Yet nothing about this was perfect. It was far from it.

In fact, everything was crumbling down around him.

“I appreciate that.” Finally, Sarah trained her gaze on him, and in those fathomless brown pools of her eyes, there were a thousand questions as well as a thousand sadnesses. “I accidentally came across Miss Amherst yesterday coming out of a shop in Mayfair.”

“Oh?” Why the devil did his pulse accelerate at the mention of Victoria’s name? “How does she fare?” As if he didn’t already know.

“She is well. The bloom of health one could say with lovely color in her cheeks and bright eyes.” His fiancée shrugged. “Who is she to you ?”

Damn it all.

What was there to say? It was his turn to glance away. “No one. She’s no one to me except a young woman I assisted through a bit of an issue stemming from the rout.” Feeling compelled, he met her gaze. “I took her home a couple of times.”

“Yes, she mentioned that, but you are a liar, Greystone.”

“What?” His chest tightened with anxiety.

“I can see it in your eyes. There’s more life in you than you’ve ever shown around me.” Sarah searched his face for God only knew. “You’ve been in a lovely mood these past few days, ever since that rout. Is she the reason?”

Was she?

“I, uh, wouldn’t know. Perhaps I’m merely anticipating our nuptial ceremony.” Yet even as he spoke those words, cold dread tickled down his spine.

“Don’t be like that. I have known you far too long for you not to be honest with me.” Sarah tsked her tongue, but there was no anger in her voice. “Have you bedded her?” She moved from the chair she’d occupied to sitting beside him on a low sofa. “Be honest. I won’t be angry.”

With his chest still tight, he regarded her with all seriousness.

Finally, he nodded and tugged at the knot of his cravat.

“Yes, I’ve bedded her. Only once.” Well, once in the traditional sense.

That didn’t count the bit of scandal he’d gotten up to when he sent her over the edge with his fingers and mouth.

How the hell could one bedding change his life? He’d been with women over the years. Hell, he and Sarah had come together years and years ago, only to discover there was no passion between them, but doing the same with Victoria? Life shattering.

“Oh.” Instead of the expected lecture or fury, a slow smile went over Sarah’s face. “Can I guess that you and she get on well together, then?”

“Yes.” The word felt as if it were tugged from a tight throat while heat went up the back of his neck. “Quite frankly, I don’t know what to do.”

Her eyes twinkled. “I think you do, but you’re too stubborn to listen to your heart.”

“My heart?” Grey snorted in a bid to cover his true feelings. “What does that have to do with it?”

“Don’t be an arse. You’re in love with her.” A chuckle escaped her. “That’s, it, isn’t it?”

He frowned. “How can that be possible? I have known her less than a handful of days.”

“Love is love. It doesn’t have a calendar or schedule. There is no countdown or a clock.” Sarah’s smile widened. “It just comes when it comes and chooses who it wants. And that is what makes it so glorious.”

Surely, that wasn’t it. “What a ridiculous notion.” What he felt for Victoria was lust and desire only, wasn’t it?

Yet how did he explain the feeling of peace he had when in her company or the way she brightened his day each time he saw her?

Or the hope that filled his chest whenever he thought about anything having to do with her?

“This is exactly what I mean.” She shook her head. “You are being bullheaded. Sometimes life is just… more than what we see on the surface, what we allow those closest to us to witness.”

“Do stop, Sarah.” He held up a hand and sent a glance of longing toward his sideboard where the crystal decanters of spirits waited.

“Can you blame me for thinking like this? This is reality, it’s where I live.

” Unfortunately. “I don’t have the luxury for romance or fancy.

I have responsibilities, duties, promises that I made to my father—”

“—who is dead, Grey. He’s gone. You owe him nothing.” Her eyes implored him to understand. “He won’t have his feelings hurt. He won’t even know that things have changed for you or between us. There is nothing tying you to this.”

“Except the fact that my father already used the dowry gifts your father gave him in exchange for this union. Not to mention that your father will have my head. He’ll bury me within the ton .” God, that man had always terrified him.

“No, he won’t. Not once I talk to him, but I need you to make a promise to me that we won’t marry. That breaking this engagement is completely your fault. It’s the only way to get out of this.”

His frown deepened. Annoyance rose in his chest in a hot tide. “So that society will think I’ve been unfaithful?”

“Haven’t you?” One of her brown eyebrows rose in challenge.

“Yes, but you have been that long before I ever was, and I was only that once.” Yet it had been a defining moment in his life. “I’ll wager you’ve been with the incomparable Phillip far more times than that.”

“I have.” Her expression softened, and he was jealous of what she had with her lover. “Ultimately, that is so sad.”

“What is? The truth? If so, I quite agree.” On all points.

“No, the fact that you’ve only bedded Miss Amherst once. I thought you more virile than that,” she said with a knowing look in her eyes.

“Do shut up, Sarah.” But he couldn’t help but grin.

For a few moments, they were completely in agreement then her eyes misted with tears. “I apologize for being a watering pot. It’s been a difficult few weeks.”

He gave her his handkerchief. “Wedding jitters. Nothing more. We’ve known this day was coming, and we are both out of time.”