Page 25 of Not His Usual Style (Diamonds of London #10)

“No, Grey. It’s much more than that.” When she laid a hand on his leg, there was no more reaction on his part than the support of a good friend.

She stared at him with a soft, mysterious smile curving her lips.

“I’m going to tell you a secret that I only just had confirmed a couple of days ago.

” She pressed her lips together. “I’m increasing. Nearly three months along.”

The silence that followed the announcement was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.

“What!” In shock, Grey sprang up from the sofa and gawked at her. “What the hell were your thinking, Sarah?” If his voice was too loud, he couldn’t help it. Betrayal cut through his chest with the accuracy of a sharp blade. “How could you do this to me? On the eve of our damned wedding?”

Her eyes rounded. Tears shimmered in the dark depths. Slowly, she rose to her feet. “Please remain calm.”

“How can I? This changes everything. It puts me into a horrible position and turns everything on its head.” He shoved a hand through his hair as the magnitude of her announcement continued to sink in.

“The thought of giving a child who isn’t mine my name?

” Shaking his head, he glared at her. “I’ll do it for you, of course, to avoid the gossip, but it cuts to the quick, Sarah.

I warned you repeatedly, impressed upon you how important this union was to me and my title. ”

“I know, and I’m sorry.” The blush in her cheeks spoke to her high emotions, but he steeled himself against her tears.

“Phillip and I were careful, but what’s done is done.

I need you to follow your heart, Grey. Let me go.

” Her words faltered. “Cancel the contracts. Risk the scandal because I love Phillip and he loves me. We want to be a family. A real family without hiding.” She closed the distance between them and laid a hand on his chest. “He wants to be the father to this child without you being forced to claim it as yours.” As she spoke, her words came faster.

“We’ll wed quietly in the country, well away from London so the gossip will be minimal, as will the scrutiny. ”

“And then what?” He fairly shook from fury. How was it Sarah had everything she wanted and yet he was shut out from knowing the same?

She shrugged. “You’ll be free to pursue Miss Amherst.”

“No.” Grey shook his head. “She is the daughter of a jeweler.”

“And a baron,” she reminded him.

Not knowing what else to say, he rubbed a hand along the side of his face. “More than that, there are rumors circulating that she’s in the thick of a theft.”

“Well, isn’t she? I suspect she was the one who stole that necklace,” Sarah said in a barely audible whisper.

“Yes, but so am I.” Heat rose on the back of his neck. “The authorities will make an example of her, but they won’t touch me, merely because I’m an earl.” And he couldn’t bear that. It wasn’t fair, and he had vowed to protect her.

“Which bothers you more? That’s she’s well below you in rank or that you won’t be punished as she would be if caught?”

God, his chest was so tight with both worry and jealousy. “Both?”

For the space of a few heartbeats, Sarah watched him, dabbed at her tears.

“I have known you a long time. You have a good heart, and you do so much for others. You truly care for people, and that is so beautiful.” She pressed her lips together while holding his gaze with hers.

“You are already a better earl than your father was, but beyond that, there is a craving within you to have the life you’ve always wanted, and I think that includes love, which isn’t present between you and I. ”

“Yes, but—”

She shook her head. “It’s time for you to finally do something for yourself. Does it truly matter that Miss Amherst isn’t high up in the ton , that she’s trailing scandal, that she could care less about society?”

“No, but how can I offer for her, ask her to be my countess, when she hasn’t had any training, has no interest in what makes the beau monde move?”

“Do you know that for certain?”

“No, but—”

“People can surprise us.” When he remained silent, Sarah continued. “Did she steal those diamonds for a nefarious purpose?”

“No, she’s very civic minded.”

“Then that is all to the good.” She huffed.

“If these small excuses are your only argument, you are more of a nodcock than I thought.” With a sigh, Sarah put her arms around him.

Though he flinched, for his emotions were quite raw, he eventually took solace in the support and held her as well.

“Love is difficult to come by in our world. Real, true love that changes us from the inside out and gives us hope to continue despite the challenges.”

“I don’t know if that is—”

“Do stop interrupting me,” she said with censure in her voice, and suddenly he knew what Victoria had felt like when he did that to her.

“The odds of anyone in our world finding love, and by accident, is rare. At best, those in our positions can expect a warm friendship in a marriage, but having love at the beginning? It’s a miracle.

Don’t discount it and don’t shove it away in the face of tradition or responsibility. ”

“Fairy stories, nothing more.” Yet the words gave him a modicum of hope. Stupid, silly hope, but it was there nonetheless.

She heaved out a sigh. “Responsibilities and duties will either continue on, or you can change them for the better. Love is fleeting and it won’t wait.

Hang onto it. Chase it with everything you are.

Don’t let it get away, because it might be a once in a lifetime thing, and at the end of your life, do you want to regret knowing you turned your back on love because of your damned title that doesn’t care anything about you? ”

The silence that brewed between them was once more thick and heavy. He drew in a shaky breath God, why was this so difficult? “You assume I’m in love with Victoria.”

“Don’t be an arse, Grey. Even a blind man can see you’re besotted with her.

” She slipped a hand up his chest to hold his shoulder.

“You need to have a long talk with yourself, come to accept some hard truths. Society will forget about this on-dit and move onto the next in good time, but at least you’ll be happy. ”

He shook his head before he could give life to possibilities. “You just want Phillip.”

“I do. No offense to you, but you are my best friend—not my lover or the keeper of my heart… the father of my child.” Her eyes were moist as she stared up at him. “Let me have that so you can have the same.”

“I…” What was there to say? It was all so impossible.

“Consider this,” she said as she fiddled with the fall of his cravat. “Miss Amherst might already be with child.”

There was that. “I only bedded her once.”

“It doesn’t matter, and if it does, then bed her again. Perhaps it will help your decision. And improve your temperament.” Her grin was quite cheeky.

Truly, he wanted nothing more than to find himself in Victoria’s arms. He shoved the thought away. “If I don’t, I’ll disappoint you, then you’ll hate me. There is no clear choice.”

Her huff of frustration warmed his chin. “There is but you refuse to entertain it.”

Could he? Should he? What would happen if he threw everything to the wind and followed his heart.

“I…” He swallowed hard. “I promise to think about what you’ve said, and I will let you know my decision after the ball.

” When her expression fell, his chest ached.

“It’s the best I can do since no matter what I choose, my life is going to be forever altered. ”

“I appreciate that, and it will, so make certain you’re at least happy and content in that scandal.” Then she patted his chest. “I have full confidence in you.”

“I wish I did.” For he was quite a mess just now.

“You’ll arrive there sooner or later. Is Miss Amherst coming to the ball tonight?”

“Yes. I invited her… as a chance to see her one last time… before I’m forced to give her up.” The ache moved to his heart and squeezed hard.

Sadness reflected in Sarah’s expression. “Oh, Grey, I hope you find your courage.”

“Why?”

“Because you are adorable with love in your eyes.” She patted his cheek. “Until tonight.”

Why did it already feel like he’d lived a thousand lifetimes since this morning?