Page 8 of No Right To Love You (Winter of Love #6)

January

Cupcakes. I’m drowning in cupcakes and ignoring my phone because of my Zoe… I hear the door open and shut with a huge thud and I know it’s Jeremy. He likes to leave everything on a trail as he makes his way to the kitchen. Once he reaches the kitchen, he stops and looks at me with wide eyes.

“Mom!” he runs to me and doesn’t care that I’m covered in flour.

“Hi Jer!” I respond to him and make sure that he knows I'm just as excited to see him. “I’ve missed these hugs. How was school?” I ask.

“It was great. I’m going to wash my hands and come help you!”

Jeremy loves to bake, and I know that it’s his way of bonding. He doesn’t like to express everything, instead, he does it through his cooking. He says he doesn’t want to be a chef and he enjoys numbers more than cooking but since it's all numbers to him, he enjoys it.

“Okay, baby. Where’s Jaz?”

“She should be in soon. She’s talking to Darla outside.” Jeremy rolls his eyes.

I laugh because while Jeremy is annoyed by Darla, the next-door neighbor and Jasmine’s best friend, Darla has the biggest crush on Jeremy. It’s a funny dynamic and something Ocean and I laugh about all the time.

“Okay, let her get some time in with her friend.”

Jeremy smiles and gives me another quick hug before he runs upstairs forgetting his things like he usually does.

I sigh and wash my hands waiting for him, I begin to pick up after him and I smile.

I missed this. Not picking up after him but seeing my kids when they first come back from school so they could fill me in with all those damned ridiculous stories from school.

The world of innocence. A time where you can enjoy things just because. Become whatever and your dreams aren’t shattered. I miss seeing the joy they have when they first see me somewhere in the house rather than me slowly creeping in their rooms to kiss them goodnight hours later.

My phone rings again and this time, I can’t ignore it. When I look at it, I know it’s dad.

“Hello?”

“Where did you go, Jan? We have things to do.”

“Dad, I can’t come in right now. Have one of the junior lawyers take care of the case and I will prepare myself at home for today.”

“You really should be working here. Less distractions and it makes it easier that one of us can pop into your office to get things done faster.” Dad says.

“Dad, Zoe cried today.”

He pauses for a moment because while he drills me until the end of all days, he always takes pause when it comes to his grandkids. It’s a complete contradiction considering they need their mother around more.

“What happened?” he asks, putting on his grandfather hat.

“I promised I would chaperone a trip but then when they called me, apparently you told my secretary to hold all my calls. I was only in the office early because I told you that I was going to leave for an hour tops.”

“Why did you come in if you knew this would happen?”

I sigh and take a deep breath while I place Jeremy’s things away and I walk back into the kitchen. I place my phone on speaker while dad rants on and on about work etiquette and how being at home has made me soft. That I’m no longer cutthroat where it’s important.

Jeremy comes back down with a smile on his face and sweats along with a tee.

He smiles and his dimples shine bright. He has his maternal grandmother’s smile but everything else is Ocean.

From the green eyes, bushy brows, nose, dark loose curls, and he’s getting his height pretty soon too.

At 13, Jeremy was close to 5 feet and 6 inches.

Jasmine wasn’t that much shorter either, she was nearing 5 feet and 5 inches at 13.

Both Jeremy and Jasmine favored their father in looks but they differed in skin tone; they were a terracotta skin tone.

Little miss Zoe carried a head full of curls that shaped around her face like a halo when we let it loose or when she came back from school.

Zoe came out with blondish-brown hair, paler than her siblings with the tiniest drop of olive tone to her.

She was a spitting image of me just in a different font like my mom would always jokingly say plus a hint of her father.

“Hi grandpa!” Jeremy interrupts my dad while he begins decorating some of the cupcakes that are done.

“Oh!” Dad stops. “Jer? Is that you, my boy?”

“Yes, it is, pop-pop. How are you?”

“I’m good.”

I tune them out as I continue finishing up what I need to. My mind goes back to Ocean and his two week stretch that he’s given me before we head to the club. I’m not upset about his decision because I trust everything he’s doing; I’m upset that it had to lead to this.

The door opens and I know it’s Jasmine by the way she’s shuffling her feet through the house. She drags her feet. She’s on her phone talking to who I assume is Ocean since she’s asking about after school snacks and dinner. Once she steps into the kitchen, she stops and just stands there.

“Mom?”

“Hey baby.”

“You’re home?”

“Yes. How was school?”

“It’s …” she doesn’t answer, instead she just stares at me as if she’s confused about telling me.

“Did something happen at school?” I ask her.

“I just… I didn’t realize you’d really be here like dad said you would. I figured he was just saying, and you wouldn’t show up like you’ve been doing lately.”

“Well. I’m here today.”

“What a miracle.” She says with so much attitude, my mood switches.

“What?” I ask because I feel like maybe I’ve missed this side of her before. I just know Jasmine isn’t this type of girl. She isn’t rude or anything even if she was always honest with us.

“You’re going to miss other stuff too and cupcakes don’t make it any bett—.” She stops talking and I can assume it’s because Ocean is stepping in.

“Okay, I’m sorry, dad.” Jasmine sighs and she rolls her eyes heavenward then she looks at me. “I’m sorry, mom.”

“Are you sorry?” I ask her with my arms folded over my chest. “Why the attitude, baby?”

“There is no attitude. I just don’t believe you when you say you’ll show up.”

“I will, Jaz, I mean that.”

“Mom,” Jasmine says in a small voice and the sad look on her face breaks my resolve. “You weren’t there. You didn’t come and you said you would.”

Jasmine runs off with tears in her eyes and I’m stuck there, realizing that I’ve hurt my kids. All of them as a collective. My heart hurts because I love them, and I wouldn’t want them to feel like I don’t want to be there for them.

“She’s just mad because she got her period.” Jeremy says and I feel like I’ve been slapped.

“What? When?”

“After the game. She kept telling us that her stomach was hurting, and dad took us home instead of celebratory pizza. He told me to watch Zoe as he talked to Jaz then he ran her a bath while he left to her some stuff. I heard him telling her about what periods are and pads, heck I’m wondering what the hell a tampon is and where do you shove it u—. ”

“Jer!” I stop him and he chuckles. He’s the goofball of the family. The little skater kid that has a best friend who comes here more than he stays at home. “Finish this up while I go talk to your sister.”

“Okay.”

My heart breaks into a million little pieces as I wipe the tears away that fall down my face for missing such a huge milestone in my daughter’s life.

“Mom?” Jeremy calls my name as I begin to walk away.

“Yeah?” I face him.

“I want you to know I’m not mad at you for working late and missing stuff. I understand. You’re a woman and even though things are better or progressive, it’s not easy to do everything that you’re doing. I’m proud of you.” Jeremy says with a smile.

My feet take me back to Jeremy and I hug him tight, placing a kiss in his hair. “Thank you.” I clear my throat trying not to further cry.

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you, Jer.”