Page 7 of No Right To Love You (Winter of Love #6)
Ocean
As I drive, I notice how our winter is practically over. We have our light jackets but everything else is pretty clear of snow and the chilling cold we sometimes get.
Maybe that’s what it was with me and January. We couldn’t take our annual trip to Quebec City to bring in the New Year nor did we get to go skiing with the family in Banff.
Breaking routines changes things and brings disorder. Something I don’t like and never will.
I drive back to make sure everything is done with the project. During the winter, most people think landscapers don’t do anything since we’re in a snowy city, but I sometimes travel because my business is in demand.
Now that we are nearing mid-March and close to April, everyone wants their yards ready for the spring season going into summer.
Growing and changing. I understand these things and always will but when it comes to my family or rather my wife, it’s not that simple.
I love her growth from the moment I met her back in High School. We didn’t go to the same high school. We were just neighbors. My family moved next to hers and her family hated it because the Māhoes were a rowdy bunch.
Well, I was rowdy. My parents were always the same. Fighting and then silence. Chaos and then quietness joins. It was an endless spiral. I grew up angry and rebellious.
Nothing helped as I raged and raged until one day, I went too far.
Hell, I put my father in the hospital but that wasn’t the issue. What made me get help was the look of sadness in January’s eyes. We weren’t friends nor were we dating. We were just neighbors who smiled at each other and gave a quick hello.
I went to the same private High school I was in before we moved districts and she went to another one.
My mind goes to that night in my backyard as I sat on the grass in my boxers.
“Aren’t you cold?” She asks.
My mind was so far gone that I didn’t hear her come close. I was feeling guilty with what I had done to my father.
“No, not really.” I answer and when I look up, she’s sitting right in front of me.
“You’re supposed to take care of your wounds when something happens.” She says as she takes my hands in her smaller ones.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“One day, you’re going to want to do something with your hands besides punching walls so take care of them.” January says to me, and I know she’s being a smartass.
I roll my eyes and snatch my hands out of hers.
“Thanks, but if I want a speech, I’d wait until I’m dead to hear it from my tutu .”
“Your tutu?” She repeats.
“My grandmother.”
“Your parents don’t give you ‘stop wrecking my walls’ speeches?” She smirks as she cocks her brow.
I tilt my head watching her wondering when we were close enough for all this.
“What are you really doing here, January?”
“You know my name?” She widens her eyes.
“Yes, do you know mine?”
“Yes, it’s Ocean.” Her smile comes out and at this moment, I can’t see anything else. She’s so beautiful.
“What’s your last name?” I ask her.
“Evans.”
I don’t say anything for a moment, and I know it doesn’t get awkward, it just gets much quieter. Easier as if this was all I had to do; to sit here with her while she held my bloodied hands in hers.
January chuckles. “What?” She doesn’t have any patience.
“January Māhoe.”
“Does that mean something?” She asks with her eyes big and yearning for the answer.
“Yes, it means, I’m going to marry you.” I say with confidence. “I’m going to change and come back to marry you.”
“I can’t marry someone this mad at the world.”
“You won’t. I’ll show you that I’m done with it all. I don’t want it anymore, anyway. Not the rage, the pain, the parents, or the fear of never being seen again.”
In her eyes, I see that she finally understands. She isn’t making any assumptions nor is she asking for elaboration. She just takes her first aid kit that she brought with her and begins to clean my wounds.
I know in this second, in this space… something set me free. She did and I choose to remain the man she married.
I sigh and stop the car. That memory was something and I know myself, I’m just making myself fall more in love with her over and over.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like this isn’t what she wants anymore but then I remember how tight she held my hands and I know deep down inside, that isn’t it.
That I have every right to love her just like I loved her when she sat outside with me.
January is my lifeline.