Page 10 of No Right To Love You (Winter of Love #6)

Ocean

Soft songs come on in the background as I drive and drive until I end up at my old home. I sigh because it brings me back to my mother’s home. I haven’t seen her in a couple of years when we had a falling out over her giving my father my number.

Though my mother forgave my father for whatever the hell possessed him to be such a dick when he was drinking , I hadn’t.

He was an okay father, but he was a great drunk. I mean great because he was loyal to it. He craved it more than I crave control.

Sighing, I idly stay in my car for a moment before stepping out to look at my childhood home. Although the Evans still live next door, one thing I was strict about was my kids never going over to my mother’s.

When they were first born, it was fine but after my father violated my ear by letting me hear his voice, I no longer trusted my mother. I should have because she’s the woman who birthed me.

My feet take me to the passenger door, and I lean back as I just admire the home.

It was beautiful in that white picket fence way.

It could’ve been a loving home for a while, a good long time but dad didn’t allow that.

He was always passive aggressive. He didn’t need to be violent with me, but he always pushed and pushed.

That day when I almost put my father in a coma, I saw the look on my mother’s face, she thought I was a monster like my father but in the worst possible way. I was using my fists.

It was unhealthy, yes but it was the only way I could express myself.

I did what they wanted me to do from the moment I could walk yet he acted as if I didn’t do enough. Hell, I could discover the garden of Eden and he’d say well did you find the Angel that was protecting it? No? Then you’re not good enough. That’s not good enough for me, son.

The anger that I felt before took a while to dissipate and when I held Jeremy and Jasmine in my arms, I knew that I would never be like him.

I couldn’t. It made me question how my father who held me in his arms when I was born could turn out like that.

What did that man see and experience in order to shuffle that over to me?

Then when Zoe came, that anger became so manageable that I rarely got upset. My children looked and still look up to me to show them a better example of love. That’s why even when I’m frustrated with their mother, I would never give them any reason to doubt her love for them.

January is a loving woman. One that deserves to continually be chosen and loved.

While our dads seem to have similar traits, I know hers loves her deeply.

He’s just one of those old heads who swear you have to work, work, work…

which is ironic because his daughters always saw him when they were growing up.

He took a stand with that, and he drew that line deeply so why couldn’t he understand what his grown daughter now wanted?

I take another breath in and release it as the front door opens and my mother walks out onto the porch.

She looks at me with a sad expression, but I see her love.

I’ve never doubted that she loved me. She’s too good and that was what made her be so forgiving to my father.

She waves me over and I shake my head and she sighs, shutting the door.

She wraps her arms around herself as she walks over to me.

“We don’t have to go inside. I know you don’t want to see him but please come sit on the porch. I’ll make you your favorite kind of coffee. He won't come out.”

I pull my mother into a tight, bear hug and she hugs me back. I missed her. So much.

“If he does, I’m leaving.” I tell her honestly.

“He’s not like that anymore.”

I shake my head as we walk toward the porch. When will she learn that people don’t just change like that? Especially when it takes them twice as long to notice their faults.