Page 6 of No Right To Love You (Winter of Love #6)

January

As soon as I looked at my cell and those missed calls, I knew my husband was angry with me and not only that, but I failed my little Zoe.

When my secretary told me that my father fielded all my calls, it made me mad.

I shouldn’t have gone into work in the first place, but we had one of our biggest clients and I just wanted to oversee things.

Being back changed something in me after years of not always being here.

I tried hard to show that having kids and being able to keep up with the clients wouldn’t be a bother.

It was a stupid cycle that I wanted to break but unfortunately, my father was stuck in his old ways.

He loved his grandkids, but he knew how to separate that and work, just like he would separate me being his daughter with being my boss.

Now… I am mad and very much had it with my father.

He micromanages and he’s been doing it all our lives.

Me and my sister, Aisha. Matthew Evans the third doesn’t like anything out of order so when I got pregnant with Zoe just as he was about to make me partner, he freaked.

It wasn’t easy for him to see that his shining star, January, wasn't going to be who he planned her out to be and then he practically left me where I was; not making me partner just because he felt I didn’t stick to his schedule and his rules. Now, he was punishing me.

I took a deep breath in and released another as I drove home.

I was too mad to figure out what my father had to say so I packed up and left.

I knew that it wasn’t going to go over well with him but when I heard the voicemail that Zoe’s teacher left, I wanted to cry.

I made her a promise and I didn’t keep it.

Just like with Jaz and Jeremy. I did that and I had to fix it.

The hardest one wasn't going to be with the kids or my Dom. Nope, it was going to be my husband. It’s easier for my kids because they know that I love them, and I can make it up to them.

With my Dom, he knows, and I know our dynamics.

We know what we have to do. But My husband isn’t so forgiving…

he won’t just let up. This is why I have to change things around.

I have to figure out what to do for my husband to see that none of this was done on purpose.

Thankfully, when I pulled up home, he wasn’t there and when I texted, his dry response let me know clearly what was on his mind.

And now, here he comes, I hear his heavy footfall through the foyer leading down the hall straight into the kitchen. When Ocean steps in the kitchen, I hand him a glass of water and he gets spooked.

“What the hell, woman!” Ocean yells out. “Scared the heck out of me. Why are you creeping on me like that?”

Him having this moment to be frightened pulls a laugh out of me and he almost breaks but Ocean cocks his brow causing my laughing to stop. He takes the glass and sits across from me on one of the stools circling the kitchen island.

I understand why Ocean is upset with me. He’s a primal Dom mixed in with a white knight Dom. While we enjoy as he chases me and pins me down driving into me pulling my hair and growling in my ear… he also likes to solve my problems, protect, and dote on me like a white knight.

That’s what drives him nuts about right now. He can’t solve what my father is pushing me to do at work and it’s frustrating to him.

One thing Ocean and I fully learned with each other when we joined the lifestyle was what kept us balanced.

What worked for us. He wanted to do what made me happy and what he did for me made me want him more.

The way he loved me made me love him more.

The care, dedication and consideration was all that I needed from Ocean.

Then he gave me three beautiful children and my heart not only expanded but it exploded with love.

A love so pure and divine that I knew only he could have provided to me.

That’s why seeing the disappointed look on his face right now guts me. It hurts.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry implies you know and understand what you did wrong.” Ocean says as he sets the glass down.

He runs his fingers through his hair as he adjusts his jacket. He didn’t even bother taking it off.

“I do.”

“So, what happened? What’s the excuse this time?”

“Excuse?”

“Yes, excuse. Don’t be upset that I’m saying that when all you’ve done is give me excuses.”

“I don’t give you excuses. I’m telling you the reasons why but that doesn’t matter. Today does though, I should have checked the time and paid attention. I didn’t know dad would tell Meredith to screen my calls.”

Ocean shakes his head. Dad and he have always had bad blood.

Dad didn’t want me to marry him because he wanted me to marry Bernard, another lawyer.

He didn’t like that Ocean seemed much more carefree about life, but he didn’t know him.

Dad never gave him a chance and now look at us, 13 years later…

we still love each other or rather, I still love him.

I don’t know what’s going through his head anymore. I am to blame partially but I don’t know if I can take the full blame.

“You are not just some hotshot lawyer January. You’re a mother and a wife.”

“So, what, I should stop doing what I love? That doesn’t seem fair at all. When have I asked you to stop doing what you love?”

“Have I ever put it above you?”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“No, January. Answer the Damn question.”

“No, you haven’t.” I huff.

“Have I ever put my job above my kids?”

“Our kids.” I correct him.

Ocean chuckles. “I didn’t say anything wrong. When I say mine, it’s not to demean who you are to them. It’s to say my job doesn’t come above my kids. If I was talking about our jobs, I’d say ours. You’re looking to argue with me as if this is a courtroom. Baby, it isn’t. This is your home.”

“Well, when I come back home and you’re not sleeping in our bed or looking at me at all, it doesn’t feel like it.”

I turn away from looking at him because I feel guilty. My chest hurts from the pain I feel of having to choose. I don’t want to choose, I want my family, my husband, and my job. It shouldn’t be this hard.

“You think I don’t know you cried yourself to sleep last night?

You think I don’t know how much pressure you’re under when it comes to your father?

I know it and it’s damned frustrating when you think I’m not here for your good.

When you’re good, our kids are good. If I wasn’t okay, you’d do everything to make sure I was.

Why? Because we function better. We can be more attentive, productive, and here. ”

“I just …” I cover my face in my hands trying to hide the tears.

I never used to cry because my father raised Aisha and I to never cry or complain. But with Ocean, he made me feel like I could. He gave me the space to be vulnerable. He saved who I was.

“My job is you. I take care of you, January but right now, you need to figure your shit out before I take matters into my own hands.”

I wipe my tears and look at him.

“What does that mean?”

“It means… we might have to go on a trip. Find ourselves again at Club Desire.”

“We won’t have time.”

Ocean stays quiet for a while and doesn’t say a word. Then he looks at me and smirks.

“You’ve got two weeks.” Ocean stands and comes around to me. He pulls me into a deep kiss and groans, knowing how much I love hearing that. Then he pulls away and walks off. “Gotta go finish my job. I’ll be home late.”