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Bodhi’s fingers ease from their white-knuckle grip on the wheel as we stop at the end of the campus driveway leading to the main road. He settles into his seat, releasing a long breath. “I don’t know, kiddo. I guess we’ll see what he’s able to do for you.”

He doesn’t comment more on his ex.

The short drive to the diner is spent with Gemma telling us all about her birthday and Christmas wish list. I don’t know what to say, but Bodhi “oohs” and “ahhs” every so often and comments in between her rambles about Barbie dolls and kitchen sets.

When he finds a spot to parallel park in outside of the diner, he cuts the engine and turns to me with a small smile. It’s not as big as the one I’m used to seeing on his face, so I return it hoping it’ll ease whatever is on his mind.

Gemma’s mom maybe?

It’s hard to tell.

A few minutes later, we’re seated in a corner booth with menus spread out in front of me. But none of us are looking at them when we place an order for three sodas and three chicken tender baskets with fries.

I fiddle with the napkin at my place when Bodhi finally breaks the silence. “Gemma usually stays with her grandparents because of my job, but we’ve recently come to an agreement that splits the time more evenly.”

I slowly nod, wondering why he’s telling me this. “That’s…good.”

He shifts in his seat, glancing at his daughter who’s coloring on the back of paper the waitress gave her with some crayons.

“Since her mother’s passing, I’ve wanted to become more involved.

It’s been a difficult process, but being a dad is something I’ve always wanted to be.

Besides hockey, it’s the only other certainty I’ve had in life. ”

Sebastian is the same way. “I think that’s sweet, Bodhi. Are you worried that hockey is going to mess with this?”

He lifts one of those broad shoulders. “It’ll be an adjustment, but I know I’ll make it work. I just need her grandparents to get on board.”

All I do is nod along. What is there to say? I’m not sure what I can contribute to this conversation that would make a difference.

“I’ve always…” He sighs, looking at me with studying eyes. “I’ve always had a thing for you, but you didn’t know. Did you?”

Ever so slowly, I blink.

He wets his lips, dipping his head. “I kind of figured.”

“I thought you were always play flirting,” I eventually say, tearing at the napkin in my lap. It’s not discomfort I’m feeling, but it’s close. “I figured it was innocent.”

A thoughtful noise rises up his throat.

“Look,” I say softly. “I think what you’re doing is really sweet.

It’s going to make you such a great dad.

” I briefly glance at Gemma, who’s in her own little world beside him.

“But I don’t know how I would fit into this.

Being a mom has never been something I’ve wanted for myself.

I wish it were, because you’re a great guy. ”

He harrumphs. “If I didn’t have her, what would you say to me?”

Would that matter? “But you do,” I remind him, smiling. “And I can tell how much you love her and want to protect her. If it weren’t her, it’d be a different child—a boy, a girl, I don’t know. That wouldn’t change how I feel about parenthood. Would it change for you?”

His nostrils flare before he rubs his jaw and sits back in his seat, resigned. “No, I suppose not.”

I stop tearing apart the napkin, my smile remaining small and soft. “I didn’t think so.”

We’re both quiet for a few minutes.

“So is it O’Conner then?” he asks, his cheek twitching like the thought makes him mad. At least he tries to contain it. Sebastian would be scowling if we had this conversation.

I sip my Coca-Cola. “I don’t know if there’s a magic “it”. The idea that there’s only one person for us out there is scary.”

“But?” he presses.

I wet my lips. “But I think he comes pretty close. We have history. We have more than that, if I’m being honest. I’m trying to figure out what to do with it.”

The internship application is filled out and ready to be mailed, but I haven’t parted with it yet. I’d be dumb not to take the opportunity. I could use my degree by doing something I love. It could be a win-win.

But there’s always that what-if possibility that something could go wrong.

The problem with obsessing over something like that, is that it takes away from the good.

What is my alternative? I find some random job sitting behind a desk as a glorified secretary?

That doesn’t sound nearly as fun as working public relations for a hockey team.

When I realize Bodhi is staring at me, I stifle a sigh. “Do you believe that everybody has one soulmate?”

His eyes scan my face before turning to his daughter. I watch his brows pinch as he studies her face, and I wonder if he sees her mother. “I used to,” he admits quietly, slowly turning back to me. “I’m not so sure these days.”

I guess that makes two of us then.

Before either of us can say anything else, his phone starts going off. He flinches when he reads the screen before turning it toward me.

Sebastian.

“Why is he calling you?”

“Probably because we share locations,” he admits, his cheeks turning a shade of pink I’ve never seen on him before.

As if he needs to explain himself, he murmurs, “It happened after a night of celebrating our big win with tequila. I wandered out of the hotel and… You know what? It’s not that important. ”

I’m definitely curious about what happened that required Sebastian to start tracking his location, but I don’t press him on it.

“Henderson,” he greets, pressing his phone against his ear and winking at me. “Uh-huh. I am. Yep. Did you know Birdseye Diner has Coke that tastes better than McDonald’s fountain drinks? I’m not even joking. I know how much you love those.”

My giggle is light as I settle into my seat.

He makes a thoughtful noise. “What makes you think she’s here? Maybe I’m in town on business.” He’s quiet for a second. “I could be setting up a scholarship. I’m very generous like that. Even Gemma likes it here.”

Gemma perks up. “I’m going to go to school here.”

“Hear that?” Bodhi asks my brother chipperly. “There’s nothing wrong with starting them early. Some kids were born into ivy league legacies. My friend Mitch’s parents wanted him to go to Brown since he was pushed out of his mother’s—”

My brother cuts him off before he can finish his sentence, which is probably for the better.

Bodhi holds the phone out to me. “He’d like to talk to you.”

Eyebrows going up, I accept his phone. “So you won’t answer my texts but you’re willing to talk to me when you find out your friend is in town?”

Sebastian sighs. “Don’t be like that. I have a right to be upset.”

“Do you?” I question. “Because you seem to do whatever you want without anybody else’s say, but we’re still supportive. What, Seb? You don’t want me to be with Alex and you don’t want me to be with Bodhi either? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound?”

For a minute, he’s silent. “I never told you who you could or couldn’t be with.”

“You warned me away from Bodhi because of what he had going on with Gemma,” I remind him, causing Bodhi’s eyebrows to jump up his forehead. He must not have known that. “And you weren’t exactly waving around your pom-poms when you found out I was with Alex.”

“I told you my reasoning—”

“No,” I cut him off. “You told me what you thought you knew. But you don’t know anything about Alex.

You’re so two-faced sometimes. You’re allowed to get married to somebody we’ve never met and know absolutely nothing about, but the second I try to make something work with someone, it’s not okay?

I already have one unsupportive family member who makes me feel like I’m not worth anybody’s time. I don’t need a second one.”

“Olive,” he says softly. “I’m not like Dad. That isn’t fair.”

From where I’m sitting, it’s not that different.

“You’re not Dad period,” I point out. “And I’m not a little girl you need to protect from the world. Drill that into your big, fat head.”

Bodhi holds his hand out.

I don’t warn my brother that I’m passing him over before dropping Bodhi’s cell back into his palm. Our waitress comes back with our plates of food as Bodhi’s voice drops and a serious expression molds onto his face.

“Look, man. She’s right. What she does isn’t any of your concern, much less who she does it with.”

I blink, ignoring the delicious smell of fried chicken goodness below me. Even the waitress seems interested, lingering for a moment longer than she should before finding her way back around the counter.

Bodhi listens intently to whatever bullshit my brother is spewing. “I did know about them. She told me not to say anything. What do you mean ‘why’? She’s a grown adult, Bash. And she wanted to be the one to tell you herself. It wasn’t on me to do it for her.”

I smile at him.

His eyes darken. “And I don’t know what you told her about me or my business, but that wasn’t your call to make. She and I are friends, not that you need to know the details of whatever it is we have. Let her be the one who chooses what she wants out of her life without butting into it.”

He presses a button and sets his phone face-down on the table.

“Did you…?” I blink. “Did you just hang up on my brother?”

He dips his chin. “Yep. Dig in while it’s still warm.”

His tone sounds…off. “You’re upset.”

He wets his lips and he breaks apart Gemma’s chicken tenders to let the steam out. “Wait until that cools a little before eating them, sweetheart,” he tells her. When he turns back to me, his shoulders are stiff. “I didn’t know he said anything about me to you, and that pisses me off.”

I frown. “He was looking out for you.”

“He didn’t need to.”

What can I say? “I relate to that. Seb cares. Sometimes too much. The conversation about you wasn’t my favorite to have with him.

He made me feel like I was going to hold you back somehow.

But that doesn’t have anything to do with my decision.

And I appreciate you standing up for me to him. That means a lot.”

He rubs his lips together as he picks up a fry and glares at it. “Was that why you were weird at the team event in New York?”

Limply, I shrug.

He cusses under his breath. “I knew it was something. I just didn’t think your brother was involved.”

I fidget with one of my chicken strips. “You standing up to my father and my brother is one of the sweetest things. But when the public came after me over that picture…” It still hurts he didn’t do anything.

“That sucked, Bodhi. You had the opportunity to shut those people down or tell your agent off, and you didn’t.

But Alex did. He wasn’t going to risk putting my name out there to be destroyed. ”

There’s a difference between loving somebody in the dark and loving them in the light. Alex didn’t hesitate to make things right when people came after me.

I have no doubt Bodhi would be an amazing partner. But he didn’t defend me when I needed it. Being a father is only part of the problem. I’m not sure I can get over him staying quiet while people tore into me just because his agent told him to.

If there’s one thing Alex has shown me, it’s that love can be lethal. But lethal isn’t always a bad thing.

He obviously sees that now. “I’m sorry, Olive. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I have no doubt in my mind that you’re going to find somebody worth your time and energy one day,” I tell him. “But that person isn’t going to be me.”

His smile is sad, barely curling his lips. “I think I already knew that. Wishful thinking and all…”

I’m quiet.

“I hope O’Conner is worth your time,” he says, pulling my gaze up.

I think about the application.

About the fear of what-ifs.

But… “I think he is.”

Later that day, I put the application in the mail and think about the opportunities that could come for me and my future.

Opportunities for myself, but also with Alex.

I hope O’Conner is worth your time.