Page 10

Olive

S mooshing the cutest little plump cheeks in until I’m rewarded with a toothy smile, I nuzzle my nose into my favorite pseudo-nephew’s stomach. He laughs, and the sound makes my chest all warm and fuzzy.

“You’re so good with him,” Skylar praises, propping her chin on her palm. “You’d make a great mom. And if they get your eyes, it’ll be the prettiest baby I’ve ever seen next to Bentley.”

Snorting at her comment brought on by four hours of sleep and lack of caffeine, I prop Bentley up on my thigh. “I’ll make sure me and my imaginary boyfriend get right on that.”

Her eyes roll as she wiggles her fingers at her son sitting happily in my lap. “I’m not saying it has to happen anytime soon. I’m simply pointing out that you’re naturally maternal. Bent loves you.”

I’ve never given any serious thought to having kids before.

It’s something I’ve been on the fence about my whole life.

For a lot of reasons. The biggest of them being my lack of relationships where that train of thought is warranted.

Alex was the closest I came to feeling like I’d found my person, but he refused to label it.

Eventually, I had to accept that what I thought was love was just… misinterpreted infatuation.

Like, super misinterpreted.

I think about his phone call, dampening my good mood. He wanted a pep talk like we were friends, and I was stupid enough to indulge him because I recognized the slight tremor in his voice.

He needed me.

And being needed felt…good.

It felt like the best thing in the world.

But telling him to fuck off was up there too.

“I don’t know if I want kids,” I admit, bouncing Bentley on my leg. He looks up at me with those big round blue eyes and smiles. “I don’t have anything against kids. But…” I shrug, not sure if I can explain it.

“Kids aren’t for everybody,” my best friend comments easily. “But we’re young, still. You might change your mind down the line, and that’s okay if you do. I definitely didn’t plan to have a child anytime soon.”

When she told me the news, I was shocked. Even though we’re twenty-one, it felt like she was announcing a teenage pregnancy. Like at any moment, MTV was going to show up with cameras and film her pregnancy and labor like they did on 16 and Pregnant .

Ironically, I’d loved that show when I was a teenager.

For someone who never cared that deeply about having children of her own, I tuned in every week to watch the trainwreck unfold.

It was no different than The Secret Life of the American Teenager about a teen getting pregnant in high school.

My mother started worrying that I’d be influenced to follow in their fictional footsteps, which I found odd.

I didn’t exactly have boys knocking down my door, much less trying to get in my pants.

But whatever.

“What are you smiling at?” she asks me.

I didn’t realize I had been. “I was thinking about that God awful show about the girl who got pregnant by the bad boy drummer at band camp. It doesn’t matter. I’m glad you had Bentley.”

Her eyebrows dart up, but they neutralize when Bentley giggles and starts clapping his hands. She mimics him. “Danny and I are talking about where to move after I graduate.”

The news makes me look from Bentley to her.

It makes sense. Her family lives in California and his lives in Massachusetts.

When they found out they were pregnant, they started renting a house outside of Lindon that was only minutes away from the campus while she finished undergrad, and he finished his master’s program.

“He’s almost done with grad school, isn’t he?” I ask.

She nods. “I’ll be finishing my senior year when he’s done, so we need to get serious about what comes next. My parents want to be around their grandson, but so do his family.”

“Which is hard to do when they live on opposite coasts.”

Her frown wrinkles her lips. “I miss my family. And the sunshine.” Her sigh is heavy.

“I really miss the sunshine. But Cali is so expensive. We’d have to live with my parents until we found something cheap.

And it would take a long time to save up for that.

Both of our families have offered to help, but we want to do it on our own. ”

I don’t envy her. “What does DJ think?”

She reaches for her son and holds him against her, pressing a kiss to his head. Her cheek rests against his. “His family is willing to move. But that seems like a lot to ask, even if they have the money.”

That’s sweet, though. “It’s good that you have that option. I know you both want your families involved in Bentley’s life.”

She peppers more kisses on his chubby cheek and then settles him onto her hip. “We’re lucky,” she agrees. “Every time I think I have time to think about it, I realize we only have a year.”

Now that finals are over, we’re officially seniors. Seniors . “We’re almost adults,” I comment. “Like, out of college and need to get a job kind of adults.”

And I’m nowhere near closer to figuring out what comes after I get my degree.

Her face scrunches. “That’s scary.”

“Says the chick with a baby.”

She presses her hand against her son’s ear. “I cried when I found out. They weren’t happy tears at first. I love him so much and I wouldn’t change a thing, obviously, but I was terrified. I felt like a—”

“Teen mom,” we say simultaneously.

I knew we were friends for a reason. “I could be forty years old with a positive pregnancy test and still consider myself a teen mom,” I admit. “I would call my mom crying asking what to do.”

She giggles, dropping her hand. “For whatever it’s worth, I think you’d make a great mom.

If that’s what you want. I’m never going to try convincing anybody one way or another.

Kids are a lot of work. I’m really lucky I have Danny and our families to help out.

But even then, I get worried about messing this kid up. ”

“You’ll probably make mistakes, but that’s what will make Bentley normal,” I reassure her. My mother certainly wasn’t perfect. And my father…well, I don’t want to go there.

She smiles, nuzzling her nose against Bentley’s head. “Anyway, are you still leaving tomorrow? I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll only be gone for a few weeks. I promised Mom that I’d spend some time with her this summer. And my dad convinced me to pop by and visit him while I was in Vermont.”

Although, I’m already dreading that. I know Sebastian will have to back out for some work-related thing, leaving me stuck with his comments about my weight instead of deflecting by talking up Sebastian’s career.

Out of the two of us, Dad is way more interested in my brother’s life.

It used to bother me, until I realized I could use it to my advantage.

“You don’t talk about him much,” she notes.

What is there to say? “He doesn’t agree with how my mother has raised me. At least, with how she let me get so fat.”

Skylar frowns. “Olive—”

“Look, I know I’m overweight. I’ve been that way my whole life.

That’s not a secret. When I played basketball, it wasn’t so bad because I was active.

But even then, my father would make comments about how important it was to lose weight and be healthy.

Whenever I’d go to his house during our weekends with him, he’d monitor everything I ate and drank.

And his girlfriend at the time would lock the food pantry after seven o’clock and put one of those timers on it so nobody could unlock it until eight the next morning. ”

A horrified expression takes over Skylar’s face. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

Me too. But what’s done is done. “Despite all the harsh things he’s ever said about me, I still love myself. That’s what’s important. I have great tits and an amazing personality. And any man would be damn lucky to have me.”

“Amen,” she replies. Bentley starts getting fussy and Skylar sniffs the air. “Uh-oh. Did you poop? I really hope it’s not another blowout. Danny almost puked the last time that happened. It would have sucked to clean up two messes.”

I can totally see that.

Sliding off the chair, I stand. “On that note, I should probably go pack. I haven’t done anything like I told my mom I did.”

She gives me a hug. “Text me when you get to your mom’s house so I know you made it. And let me know when you’re coming home. I’ll make Danny watch Bentley so we can have a girl’s night.”

“As if you won’t check my location thirty times while I’m gone,” I muse, unfazed by her overprotection.

It’s kind of nice.

“You can always shoot me an SOS text while you’re with your dad,” she offers, rocking Bentley to soothe him. “I can call you with an emergency that requires your immediate attention here in Lindon. Maybe a blocked milk duct. Those things hurt like a bitch.”

I grab my purse and keys and give her a hug, pecking my nephew on the cheek. “I’ll keep that in mind. Love you.”

“Love you too! Let me know when you get back,” she calls after me.

On the short drive back to the dorms, I crank up John Mayer singing to me all about how my body is wonderland to drown out the other thoughts trying to push their way in.

Unfortunately, the more I listen to one of my favorite artists sing about discovering every inch of porcelain skin, the more I think about how long it’s been since anybody has touched my skin.

Which, granted, is a shade or two above porcelain. But still.

When he talks about getting lost in a sea of blankets and using his hands, it only reminds me of how badly I need to get laid.

I’ve never been that sexual of a person until Alex sparked an appetite for intimacy.

And he didn’t shy away from anything. He was insatiable and unapologetic.

And while I think he used sex as an escape, it was an escape I was more than willing to give him when he used those skillful hands and full lips to do naughty things to my lady bits.

And…now I’m horny. Great.