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“Tori asked if you would be interested in her putting a good word in at the company she works for,” Sebastian says, his eyes piercing mine like he thinks he can intimidate me into saying yes to her help.

Well played, brother. But not well enough to change my mind. I look at Tori. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll figure it out on my own. I always do.”

Mom touches my hand. “It’s a sweet offer.”

“It is,” I agree. “But I’m not going to take it.”

Sebastian sighs.

“I think it’s admirable,” Tori says.

I smile, but it disappears when Sebastian murmurs, “It’s only admirable until she’s working at Burger King flipping burgers instead of accepting anybody’s help.”

Mom stares at him. “Seb…”

“What? You know I’m right.”

For both of our sakes, I hope he isn’t.

*

It’s three days before I go back to Lindon when Bodhi walks into my room holding a bag of cheese puffs that I know for a fact is from our snack cupboard because of the sparkly chip clip still attached to the top.

“Hey, little Henderson,” he greets, looking around my room while shoving his hand into the bag and shoveling the food into his mouth.

I’ll give him this, he doesn’t make a mess.

Not one piece hits the floor. Which is probably good because my bedroom carpet is off-white, and Mom almost lost her shit when I was fourteen and spilled my soda on it.

She spent hours trying to get the stain out.

Now the only thing left is the faded remnants of a mad woman at work.

“Making yourself at home?” I muse as he turns to the shelf that has some old DVDs I haven’t watched in years.

With a mouthful of food, he says, “A big John Hughes fan, huh? I never got into his stuff. Like, what was the point of Sixteen Candles ?”

I lower the phone I was aimlessly scrolling on to look at him. “Well, you’re not a sixteen-year-old girl, so I don’t imagine that movie would strike anything for you.”

He shrugs casually. “Fair point, O-Dawg.”

I’m grateful he doesn’t feel weird around me.

Sex tends to complicate things, which I never understood.

I can name the number of times I’ve caught the feels where sex was involved, but it went beyond the physical thing.

I mean, penises aren’t that attractive. How could you fall in love with one?

It has to be more—wit, charm, personality.

Bodhi scans the rest of my nostalgic setup, nodding like he’s impressed by something. “No sports teams? Not even the Giants?”

My lifts twitch upward at the mention of my favorite football team.

I told Sebastian he should have tried out for football and worked his way up to the NFL so I could meet Eli Manning.

My phone screen has been the same photo of the two-time Super Bowl MVP award winner since I was sixteen.

I have no shame. Retired or not, he’s my favorite.

I’d cry if I ever met him. Someday, if I ever get married, I’d probably still have him as my background.

My future husband will just have to accept it.

It makes me think of the time I went to see Sebastian play. Think about Eli Manning. I still love the athlete, clearly, but I definitely struggled the second Alex’s icy eyes found mine.

“I used to have a poster of the Giants, but Sebastian tore it down when they won against the Patriots. He was a turd back then.”

“Back then?” Bodhi jokes.

I snort. “Yeah, he can still be a shithead. You going to share those? If you’re raiding our pantry, the least you can do is share the loot.”

He walks over and holds out the bag for me to take some of the cheese-dusted yumminess.

“He was a turd for how he broke the news to us about his pregnant wife,” I say, knowing damn well he knows about Tori.

And he confirms it. “It was better he tell you than some random media outlet like TMZ. I told him he was lucky that people respect Tori in the industry or else that shit would have been all over the tabloids.”

So Tori’s connections must be big if people were willing to dampen her relationship with a pro athlete. “Damn,” I mumble, impressed. “She must be good at her job.”

“She is,” he confirms. “You should check out her work. I think you two will get along.”

“Still, it would have been nice of him to ease us into the news. He never talked about being a husband or a dad before. And then BAM.”

“Not looking forward to a niece or nephew?” he asks, plopping onto the bed and setting the cheese puffs between us.

I lean my back against the headboard. “It’s not that. I mean, I’ve never been rah-rah kids. I don’t love them, but I don’t hate them, you know?”

Bodhi seems genuinely surprised by that. “I thought you liked kids. Your friend has one, right?”

He remembers me telling him that? It was in passing conversation not long after we met.

“Skylar,” I confirm with an easy smile. “Like I said, it isn’t that I dislike children. But they aren’t for everyone. I’m not sure they’re for me. I think it’d be better if I can spoil them and then give them back, you know?”

Something in his eyes dim. “Huh.”

He’s being weird. “I take it you’re on team kids then?”

His finger comes up and scratches the column of his throat. “Yeah, you can say that. I’ve always liked children and they’ve always taken to me.”

“Well, you are a big kid,” I reason, elbowing him playfully.

He doesn’t elbow me back. He actually looks sort of sad.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. Kids aren’t for everybody, right?

Like, I’m sure I could be a good Mom, but that doesn’t mean I want to be.

And you’d make a great dad because of how playful and unserious you are.

I don’t mean that as anything other than a compliment either. ”

His throat clears. “Thanks, Olive. I appreciate that.”

I offended him, I just don’t know how.

My attention is pulled to my phone screen lighting up with a message from #43. I grab it before Bodhi notices.

#43: I miss you

I gape at the message. Has someone kidnapped him? Stolen his cell?

Me: Did someone take your phone?

#43: Having a bad day. Is it so surprising that I’d reach out to you to make it better?

Well, yeah. Kind of.

“What’s that expression for?” Bodhi questions, tugging my focus back to him as he eats more of his snack.

I swallow, glancing back down at Alex’s message. “Seb said something to me once about you and your ex. Do you ever miss her?”

His eyes widen a fraction at the personal question. “Uh…” He hesitates before letting out a short sigh. “Sometimes I miss the good times we had. Life was different back then, though. Easier. I’ve never wanted to get back together with her. Not even when I had the chance.”

“And you did? Have the chance, I mean.”

His tongue slowly drags across his bottom lip before his shoulders slump.

“She wanted to make things work, but I told her we weren’t good for one another.

And we weren’t. We fought. We had different ideas for the future.

She didn’t like how much I was gone, and for good reason.

But that wasn’t enough for me to change my mind.

I wanted somebody to support me, not make me feel bad for what I was doing for myself. ”

I nod along. “That makes sense.”

“She passed away not long ago,” he admits quietly, making my heart drop. “And I have to say, I miss her more now than I did back then. We have…history together. A lot of it.”

“History is hard to forget,” I agree, fiddling with my phone.

“Yeah,” Bodhi murmurs.

I pick up my phone and type out one more message before turning the screen off and tucking it under my thigh.

Me: I miss you too

“So, who is he?” Bodhi asks knowingly.

I reach into the bag. “Who was she ?” I counter.

Neither of us says a word.

He stares down at his lap for a minute before opening his mouth to say something when Sebastian appears at my doorway.

“What are you two doing?” my big brother asks.

My response comes easily. “Talking about your big ass head and how we hope the baby takes after Tori for her vagina’s sake.”

Bodhi chokes on his snack.

When he sees the snack on the bed, he eyes his teammate. “You shouldn’t eat that crap. We’ve got weigh in soon. Plus, my sister is territorial over her cheese puffs.”

I totally am. “Only when it comes to you touching them. You never liked these, but you’d eat them to piss me off.”

“They’re like eating cheese flavored air,” he counters, proving my point.

Bodhi chuckles. “That’s what makes them great.” He grabs a handful and shoves all of them into his mouth, making my brother sigh.

“No Tori?” I ask.

“She had to work. I told her I wanted to pop by and see if you wanted to go do something before you headed back.”

That’s nice of him. “Like egg Dad’s car?”

Bodhi perks up.

Sebastian eyes us. “No.”

“Party pooper,” I mutter under my breath.

“What about Dave and Buster’s?” Bodhi suggests. “I haven’t been in forever, and I used to kick ass at Mario Cart.”

I haven’t been to the giant arcade in a long time, and it does sound fun. “I’m down. You can watch me kick Seb’s ass at basketball. He loves it.”

My brother scowls. “You cheat.”

“You can’t cheat at that game!” I tell him for the millionth time in exasperation. “You just suck at it. It’s okay to admit you’re not perfect at everything.”

Bodhi laughs. “Now I have to see it.”

“It’s settled then,” I say happily, scooting off the bed. “We’re going to D&B and then getting fried pickles. Oh! And we should stop at that one place we used to, Seb. The weird bodega that always smells like fish.”

Bodhi gives me a funny look. “Why would you want to go there?”

It’s my brother who answers for me. “She’s been obsessed with their corndogs since she was little. She insists they’re—”

“—the best corndogs you’ll have in your life,” I finish for my brother. “Trust me, Hoffman. You’ve never had a wiener in your mouth until you’ve tried one of theirs.”

To his credit, he laughs at the comment.

Meanwhile, my brother grumbles out an unenthused, “Let’s go then.”

I check my phone one last time before following the Rangers players out the front door.

I miss you too.

#43: What are we going to do about it?

I don’t answer him.

Because I don’t know the answer.

Pretending just feels…safe.