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Olive

S eeing a half-naked Alex lounging in nothing but a pair of boxers in his bed is a sight I never thought I’d see outside of my wildest fantasies. But here he is, laying on top of his made bed with…a crossword puzzle in his hand?

“I didn’t know you liked those,” I say as he scrawls the pen across the little boxes.

He sets it down on his chest. “They’re my mom’s favorite. I got used to doing them with her. You should see her in action. I get stumped by half of these things, but not her. Her doctor says brain teasers are good for her.”

I peel the comforter back and crawl in, fidgeting with the hem of the top sheet. “Are you planning on visiting her soon?”

I’m not sure if I’m overstepping any lines by asking about her, but it seems logical. They talked on the phone yesterday, but the call seemed short. He wasn’t in the best mood after he hung up.

He closes the pen into the book and puts it on his nightstand. “I’m going to see her next week. Pam, her head nurse, has been trying to get me to go to therapy with her.”

A small smile meets my face. “I think that’s a good idea.”

“My father is one of her biggest triggers,” Alex murmurs, sighing.

He rubs his closed eyelids tiredly. “His death messed her up. I’ve learned to avoid talking about him, so she doesn’t go down a dark place.

Now she’s finally listening to her counselor at Logan’s and thinks it’s a good idea to talk about him again. ”

“Embrace his memory,” I note.

His chin dips down. “Exactly. If it helps her, I’m willing to try. She can’t live at Logan’s forever, so she needs to adjust to hard conversations. I need to learn how to help her do that since I’m all she has.”

It makes me sad that her family hasn’t tried harder to be there for them. “It’s good that she has you. It sounds like your relationship is important to her, especially since she showed up here to check on you.”

He harrumphs. “She shouldn’t have done that” is how he responds. Wetting his lips, he drops his guard. “But it felt kind of nice that she did. She felt like my mother.”

I smile. “That’s good, right?”

“Yeah. It is.”

We fall silent, my eyes focused on the sheets that I’m fidgeting with while his burn holes in the profile of my face. “What are you thinking?” he asks.

Wetting my lips, I lean back on the pillows stacked behind us. “Nothing about your mom,” I reassure. “I’m sorry that I upset Moskins today and made a scene. Sometimes I forget that people’s egos are a big part of them in this industry.”

“He needed to be knocked down a peg or two. You don’t need to apologize for that.”

“He was pretty mad.”

“Trust me, that’s his default,” he says easily. “Notice how none of the guys were shocked by it? We’re used to him lashing out. But it’s usually when he doesn’t get his way on the ice. He’s not used to women telling him he’s not the god he thinks he is.”

His teammates kept the conversation lighthearted after the tension with Moskins.

Jess and Alex went back and forth about Alex’s return next week, and the training regimen that they would do together to get back into shape for the season officially starting.

Moskins didn’t say anything else to me the rest of the night, and I’d felt bad for bantering with him.

Sebastian used to say I’d come off a little too snobby when I joked around, and nobody here knows me well enough to tell the difference.

Whoops .

“They seemed nice. Quieter than I expected. Probably because I’m related to the enemy.”

Alex snickers. “Clarkson’s stepsister is a big Pats fan, as you know. If football and hockey played the same time of year, she’d ditch her Penguin’s all-access season pass to see New England’s team in a heartbeat. Even over Clarkson.”

“But they like Belle,” I point out, biting down on the inside of my cheek.

“They don’t know you yet,” he points out, his hand reaching out to take mine. “There’s a difference. Once they do…”

It’s sweet what he’s trying to do, but I’m a realist. “I understand where Moskins is coming from. He’s protective of his team. That’s admirable.”

Alex frowns. “He was being a dickhead.”

“It didn’t help that I was poking the bear.”

The man beside me sits up. “Don’t do that. Don’t justify him being an asswipe. He was being a shithead over simple facts, and that’s not cool.”

All I do is stare at the blankets because the intensity of his eyes is too much.

When I don’t say anything, he turns my head to him gently.

“Nobody talks to Moskins that way. I’ve been here for over a year, and not one person had the balls to point out that he isn’t everything.

Did you see the way Nelson tried to hide a smile when you said Hoffman had better stats?

Or hear Clarkson’s chuckle? They thought it was funny. ”

I hadn’t seen that, but I’m not sure it changes the reaction I got from the loudest person on the team. Since when have I cared that much about what people thought of me?

Since Alex was involved.

God.

Why am I being such a girl about this?

Because you are one, a voice reminds me in the back of my head.

When I finally look Alex in his eyes, I let out a long breath that eases some of the weight in my chest. “I want the people in your life to like me,” I admit, rubbing my lips together. “Even if that sounds dumb.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not dumb. And the team may be part of my life, but their opinions don’t matter. My mom likes you. And more importantly, I like you. Isn’t that what matters?”

Hearing those words makes my heart do a happy jig. “Yeah, it is.”

“Should I be concerned about your brother?”

His question makes me hesitate. “No. I’ll handle him when the time comes.”

I never called him back asking what he wanted to talk about the day Alex and I were busy in bed, but he texted me asking if I was coming to his next game since it was at home.

I just assumed that was it. I haven’t had a chance to respond yet because I’ve been trying to enjoy my time with Alex while it lasts.

And the thought of what comes after I leave…

Truthfully, it makes me nervous. Because I know I want to make things with Alex work, but I don’t want to upset my brother. What will his reaction be when he finds out?

“When do you think you’ll have that conversation?” Alex asks, breaking me from my internal concern.

His lips twitch at the corners when I shrug. “I think that’s a conversation that’s better to have in person. So whenever I see him next.”

I’m not sure he likes that answer.

“Do you want him to know?”

I blink. “Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

Alex only shrugs, but I can tell there’s weight piled on his shoulders.

“My only hesitation is because I don’t like when people are upset with me,” I promise him, squeezing his hand. “We both know he didn’t want us involved back when you played with him. He’s obviously not going to like that we went behind his back. He means a lot to me.”

He looks at our hands. “I get that, but I don’t want that to be a reason you don’t give this a shot.”

What? “Why wouldn’t I do that?”

“Because I think you and I are similar than we think,” he says casually. “We both struggle with processing how we feel sometimes. Maybe I’m just reflecting because I don’t want you to push me away.”

“Like you pushed me away?” I finish for him.

He doesn’t deny it. “You’re the first thing that’s truly made me happy in a very long time.

I don’t want that to go away. I’m scared of what my life will be without you in it.

You never know what could happen. And I’ve never let someone into my life that’s had so much of an impact.

You and I both care about our families, and maybe that’s a good thing.

But we also both tend to use them as excuses too.

If I didn’t let my mother’s diagnoses affect me before, you and I would have been together this whole time. ”

My heart picks up speed, growing ten times the size until it threatens to burst. “You really think we would have been?”

“Yes.”

His certainty tugs on my heartstrings. “You don’t need to be afraid, Alex. But I get why you are. Because I am too.”

His throat bobs as vulnerability shines in his eyes. “Okay.”

I take his hand and squeeze it. “Okay.”

His lashes flutter as he peeks at me through them. Who is this man? He’s certainly not the person I knew back at Lindon. He’s…more.

“My best friend used to ask why I never give people a chance,” I tell him, settling into the mattress. “And I never had a good answer. I thought it was just who I was. To be cynical and distant. It isn’t like I dislike myself. I think I’m great.”

He snorts.

“It’s true! I know I’m not perfect, but I have a lot of good qualities.

I think part of it has to do with how I grew up.

Seeing my parents’ marriage dissolve and then my father go after people who didn’t like me very much…

” Sadness settles into my stomach. “I don’t know.

It makes me careful of who I let into my life.

My mom was really hurt for a while. She barely dates now, and it’s been a long time since the divorce.

Sometimes, I don’t know if I believe in love. ”

His brows furrow. “But you told me you loved me.”

A fact that still hurts to think about considering the aftermath. “A life without love seems like such a sad existence. And if I can love my family and love my friends, then there has to be a romantic version of it. My mom and dad didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean that will happen to me.”

“Are you afraid it will?”

Rubbing my lips together, I rest my head down on the pillow and look up at him. “It sort of did once, when you let me walk away. And I’m working past that. I am. But that made me wonder what was really out there for me. Who .”

“I hate that I made you feel that way.”