Page 6

I go to answer but realize I don’t have one.

Maybe I was just built this way. Or maybe it has something to do with my parents’ ugly divorce.

I don’t let myself think about all the childhood trauma that came with coming from a broken household.

For the most part, I had a good life growing up.

I was lucky. Even though we didn’t have any contact with our extended family for reasons I’ll never really understand, Sebastian and I had a great childhood.

We had love and support. That’s what mattered.

Eventually, I lift one of my shoulders. “I don’t know. After the Alex thing, I learned that people are distractions. And sometimes dealing with them is more work than they’re worth.”

After the night I walked to my dorm alone, she’d helped pick up the pieces one McDonalds meal and sappy eighties chick flick at a time. I think we might have missed a few, because there feels like a hole in my heart that hasn’t been the same since Alex.

But I don’t think about that because it sends me down a path of what-ifs that I don’t enjoy thinking about.

To lighten the mood, I bring up the other love of her life outside of her boyfriend. “The only label I don’t get hives over is Auntie Olive. And I’m a little offended you didn’t bring over the little chicken nugget for me to love on today.”

Skylar’s face twists as she grabs her boobs. “I know. I regret not bringing him because these things are painful . Although, Bentley is starting to teethe and that’s not fun for my poor nipples.”

Her son, Bentley Lucas, is one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen and a perfect mixture of Skylar and DJ. With bright eyes, chubby cheeks, and blond hair, the kid is going to be a heartbreaker when he’s older.

I glance unabashedly at her full D cups that give my boobs a run for my money. “They look amazing though.”

“Says the girl with a chest Dolly Parton would approve of,” she grumbles, massaging her chest and flinching. “I’m going to have to pump soon, or I might explode. I started leaking in American Lit yesterday in the middle of my final.”

Sympathy has me wincing. “Oh no.”

Skylar nods, still looking traumatized over the experience. “The professor told me I could go take care of it and come back to finish the exam. He looked uncomfortable.”

“Does that mean he was staring at your tits?” I ask, sipping more of my soda. “I can’t blame the guy. They’re hard to miss these days. Hell, I think I’ve made more eye contact with them than I have you all morning.”

An unattractive snort comes from her as she lowers her hands to examine them. “Danny definitely likes them more now. He’s going to be crushed when they go away.”

“You could always get a boob job,” I suggest nonchalantly. “I could transfer some of mine to you. They’re starting to kill my back.”

She rolls her eyes, pushing her chair back. “I will be sure to keep that in mind, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

Blowing out a raspberry, I murmur, “Damn.”

Grabbing her bag, she drapes it over her shoulder. “I’ll be right back. Are you sticking around? I’m kind of hungry and would kill for a burger.”

“I’ll be here. Go milk the cows.”

She makes a face at the reference. “You’re lucky I love you,” she grumbles, smacking my arm as she passes me.

I pull out my phone and read through the missed texts I’ve gotten while I wait for her to get back.

Mom: Are you still coming home this summer for break?

Dad: Did you make time to finally visit me? You haven’t met Candi

Big Brother: Mom and Dad are fighting again. Thought I’d give you a heads up

Frowning, I mumble, “Too late,” to Sebastian’s message. He’s lucky he has hockey as an excuse not to deal with the back-and-forth that comes with our parents. Whenever Dad wants us to visit, it never fits into Sebastian’s busy schedule, so the pressure gets put on me.

I love our father, even though he’s a little bit of a deadbeat.

He always blames our mother whenever Seb or I can’t make visiting him work, like it’s her fault we don’t want to deal with his narcissistic ass.

He cares more about whichever girlfriend he’s seeing than his own kids.

And God forbid our mother moves on with her life without him inserting his unwanted two cents.

It’s like he thinks he’s the only one allowed to be happy.

Then there’s his commentary over my health, mostly my weight, that never seems to fail whenever I make time for him.

Most of the time, I let it slide off my shoulders.

But there are moments when his words really sink in and grab ahold of my heart.

And when that happens, I get pulled into a mindset that sinks me into the abyss of my consciousness that makes me wonder if I am good enough.

That’s a sucky place to be, especially when it’s your own father who puts the thoughts there.

I text my brother back first.

Me: I’ll go if you go

I don’t expect Sebastian to get back to me right away because I know he’s got meetings with his manager about what the off season looks like.

Something about a team building trip with the guys and a new workout regimen to keep him in shape on top of a few different commercials he’s supposed to film before the season starts again in the fall.

It’s weird knowing that the boy who used to pick his nose and try wiping it on me is in nationwide commercials now.

I thumb out a quick reply to the woman who I get my ashy hair and soft, minty eyes from.

Me: You’d miss me too much if I didn’t

She would too. My mother and I have always been best friends.

We’d get into small fights once in a while, but it was more like siblings bickering than anything substantial.

I love her more than anything, and if I’m being honest, I’d miss her too much if I chose to stay in New York instead of going home to Vermont for part of the summer.

It’s why most of the post-grad internships I’m applying to are close to home. She told me to expand my search instead of limiting myself, but I know she isn’t a fan of being an empty nester.

I’m surprised when my phone pings, thinking it’s already Sebastian getting back to me when I see an unknown number on my screen.

Unknown: I got a new number

Brows pinching, I try figuring out what area code it is.

Sebastian sometimes has to change his numbers if the wrong people get hold of it.

Like one-night stands that want to be more than that or the random media outlets who somehow get it for inside scoops.

He’s had to give me at least two different numbers for that exact reason since joining the Rangers.

Me: This must be a record for you, Seb. Three new numbers in one year. Which girl got your number this time?

Smirking at my reply, I watch as bubbles appear at the bottom of the screen.

Then my smile slips when I see the next message pop up.

Unknown: Not your brother

I blink, suddenly very confused. Before I can guess another name, like Hoffman even though I’m fairly certain I’ve never had Bodhi’s number before, I get a follow-up text.

Unknown: It’s Alex

Swallowing my heart that jumps into my throat, I stare at the message. I have to wipe my clammy palms on my jeans as my eyes swipe over the two words.

Because Alex ? I’ve known a lot of people named Alex in my short twenty-one years, but only one of them ever had my number. It’s been a long time since he used it.

As if he can read my mind from wherever he is right now, I get another message from the unfamiliar number.

Unknown: I know it’s been a long time

I scoff. A long time? It’s been months. More than a half a year. Hell, I’m pretty sure the last exchange we had was over nine months ago. The only thing he’d said was ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’ like I was supposed to be excited that he reached out at all.

My fingers hover over the keyboard of my phone, halting above the letters as I think about what to say. But what is there to say that hasn’t been said already? Wouldn’t I just be reentering the vicious cycle that comes with loving Alexander O’Conner?

By the time Skylar shows back up, I think I’m sweating with indecision and irritation.

“Whoa,” she remarks, sitting down with a frown on her face. “Are you okay? Did you eat the surprise casserole at the dining hall again? You look like you did when you were glued to the toilet that one time.”

She’d know because I had to call her to bring me toilet paper. Thank God we’re friends, because she saw, and smelled, way more than she signed up for that day.

“No,” I force myself to say, turning my screen off without replying to Alex.

He doesn’t deserve a response.

It was never going to be love. Not with you.

Those words still have a chokehold on my heart since they fell out of those stupid full lips of his. Screw him. Seriously.

“My parents are arguing about my summer plans,” I explain, hoping my voice sounds undisturbed.

Skylar reaches out and pats my hand. She doesn’t know the details of my family dynamics, but she knows I’m not very close with my father compared to my mother and brother.

“I’m sorry. Would lunch help? It’s on me.

This mama needs some food, and I promised Danny I’d pick him up something since he’s with Bentley today. ”

I lost my appetite when I saw Alex’s text. Now my stomach is in knots instead of the butterflies that used to flutter there.

But if I tell her no or make some lame excuse about forgetting I had other plans, she’d know something is up. So I say, “I could go for a good burger.”