Page 11 of My Big Fat Vampire Wedding

“W hat do you mean his thesis is on vampire literature?” Lucy was slack-jawed in the break room of Luna Bean a couple of nights later.

Pandora noted that her friend looked better than ever. She always did after the full moon, in fact. Her sable hair, which was always thick and gorgeous, looked extra shiny. Her skin was glowing. Her energy seemed revitalized.

Lucy had rushed through the employee entrance just ten minutes before – twenty minutes late for their shift – and thrusted a half-dead red maranta plant at Pandora that she’d “forgotten existed” for several weeks.

She had hoped Pandora could bring it back to life, and had immediately started to demand details about the date with Victor.

“I know,” Pandora said, wincing as she put the poor wilted plant under the tap, watching its drooping leaves start to lift with just a proper drink.

“God, the irony is so thick I can’t breathe.” Lucy pressed a hand to her chest.

“It’s a disaster waiting to happen,” Pandora said.

“Especially once he meets your family.”

“Exactly. How long until he starts piecing it all together?”

“This is too good.” Lucy laughed as she pulled her hair up into a clip. “I mean, the man is studying you and he doesn’t even know it.”

“It’s not funny!” Pandora said. “I don’t know what I will do if he figures it out.”

“You’ll just have to fess up. And then he will fall madly in love with you.”

Pandora shook her head. “It’s not a book, Luce. My whole future is depending on this working. And Victor not figuring out what I am and running scared.”

“Well, my first bit of advice would be not to chug down any artery-ale while he’s around.”

“Ha ha.” Pandora followed Lucy out of the back and into the coffee shop.

“Oh, come on. It’s an adventure,” Lucy said.

“What’s an adventure?” Victor asked, making the two women turn. He was standing at the counter, his usual backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Oh, nothing,” Lucy said, recovering first. “Just this whole fake-marriage thing you two are working up. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Pandora tells her family.”

If only Lucy could tell them for me , Pandora thought.

“Oh,” Victor said, looking a little worried. “Would I need to be there for that?”

“It’s probably better for me to do it alone,” Pandora said as she started to make Victor’s macchiato. “Let them come to terms with it first. Then you’re going to need to meet them, of course.”

“Of course. When do you plan to tell them?”

“Well, she’s been laying the groundwork,” Lucy said. “She even has her brother in on it, talking about how excited she’s been to go on dates every day. I think you could tell them in the next few days, right?” she asked, looking at Pandora.

Pandora’s stomach clenched at the idea of that discussion.

Especially with her aunt, uncle, and cousin still visiting.

For the most part, Pandora had managed to avoid their company.

But she knew that once the news got out about her engagement, every relative was going to be crawling out of the woodwork to congratulate her and to meet her fiancé.

But she was going to have to tell them sooner rather than later.

“I think I’m going to tell them on my next day off,” Pandora said, mostly to keep herself accountable for actually doing it. “They’re probably going to want to meet you pretty quickly after.”

“That’s fine,” Victor said, but Pandora could swear he looked a little ashen at the idea. At least they would be together in their misery.

“OK, so while we’re on the topic of wedding stuff,” Lucy said once Victor had made his way to his table to start working on his notes again.

The only difference now being that Pandora knew exactly what he was studying.

And it put her nerves on edge. “We need to discuss my chief bridesmaid dress. Namely, that it can’t be hideous. Or peach.”

“What’s wrong with peach?” Pandora asked.

“Only that it clashes with my colouring and washes me out.”

“Noted,” Pandora said, pretending that she wasn’t casting glances over at Victor.

Partly to admire him. But also partly to see if he’d read some chunk of text that had made things click in his brain and was now looking over at her like he’d figured her out.

“Don’t worry. My mother will likely want a hand in picking dresses.

Which means they will be black or red, skintight, silk or velvet, and likely displaying a large amount of cleavage. ”

“Well, what’s the point in having all this,” Lucy said, gesturing toward her chest, and, yes, Pandora had to admit that the universe had been generous when forming that particular part of Lucy’s anatomy, “if it’s not going to be shown off a little?

Especially at a wedding. I mean, maybe I’ll find some hot groomsman to spend the weekend with. ”

“It sounds like Victor only has one close friend,” Pandora said.

“Well, he might have some hot cousin or something … No?” she asked when Pandora shook her head.

“No. Victor said he has a really small family. It’s really just his parents and his best friend.”

“Well, luckily, it seems like you have more than enough for the two of you.”

She had no idea.

Pandora suspected that her wedding would be the event of the century. Which didn’t make her want to throw up or anything. But there was no way Ophelia Von Ashmore was going to have some small backyard exchanging of vows with just the immediate family.

Oh, no.

That wasn’t her style in the least.

Pandora was imagining all the guest rooms in their house full. Plus the basement that would be lined with dozens of coffins for extended family and friends.

Pandora felt like she was getting hives just thinking about it.

But it would all be over in less than three months. Then she could finally move out of her parents’ place – and away from the revolving door of guests – and start working on her dream.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her family.

She did. She was just overwhelmed at the idea of lying to them all, and trying to keep Victor from seeing something he shouldn’t and couldn’t.

There were so many ways things could go wrong.

She was just looking forward to being on her own so that no one could find them out while they finished out the charade.

Though, as her gaze slid to Victor again, this time catching him looking in her direction then quickly away, she had to admit that the larger part of her didn’t want the part with him to be over.

In fact, the more time she spent with him, the more time she wanted to spend with him. Even if it did open her up to being found out by him. Especially after the wedding when …

“Wait,” Pandora said, looking over at Lucy, who was rearranging the disorganized tea caddy.

“What?”

“I’m going to have to live with him.”

“Ah, yeah, genius,” Lucy said with a laugh. “That’s what married people do.”

“I’m going to be living with a vampire expert,” she whispered.

“Yeah.” Lucy nodded. “Only about a thousand ways that could go wrong.”

“I really didn’t think this through.”

“In your defense, you didn’t know he was a vampire expert when you made him the offer.”

And now she had paperwork signed that she was reasonably sure held some sort of legal weight. There was no going back.

“Look, we will be all stealthy about it. Get you a place leased, then get some of that nifty film for all of the windows. Maybe get a mini fridge that you can hide somewhere to keep your blood in. Those are the two big things, right?”

“Right.” But her mind had already moved past all the ways living with someone who could find out her secret could go terribly wrong and shifted to all the ways living with Victor could be a dream come true.

No one complaining about books hiding in the strangest of places. Since he would likely accidentally leave one in the cabinets or in the laundry basket on occasion as well. No more oppressive black and grey. She could fill the space with colour.

“Earth to Pandora,” Lucy said, snapping her fingers in her friend’s face.

“Sorry, what?”

“You were totally fantasizing about getting all glandular with Victor, weren’t you?”

“What? No!”

“I’m not buying it. Your eyes were all dreamy and faraway.”

“I was thinking about how our book collections would fill up our flat,” Pandora said.

“Suuure.” Lucy rolled her eyes. “Wait, are you going to be getting all glandular with him?”

“What? No!” No matter how much she wished she could.

“Don’t you have to, though?”

“Why would we have to?”

“To make the marriage official,” Lucy said. “Right? Like, marriages aren’t official until they’re consummated.”

“Is that still the rule?” Pandora asked, a mix of panic and excitement flooding her system.

Excitement, because she’d done little but fantasize about that very thing since the first time she’d seen Victor.

But panic because, well, what if Victor didn’t want that? Didn’t want her ?

He’d sure been quick to move away from her, to put distance between them, after he’d saved her from that out-of-control cyclist.

“Why do you look like you’re going to be sick?

Haven’t you been dreaming about getting between the sheets with him since you first laid eyes on him?

I mean … he looks all buttoned-up and reserved,” Lucy said, looking over at Victor.

“But I bet once you get him unbuttoned, he’s all commanding and assured.

I bet that man loves to give an Aussie kiss. ”

“What is an Aussie kiss?” Pandora asked as she took a sip of her chamomile tea, definitely needing something to slow down her nerves that felt ready to fly right off the tracks.

“You know … like a French kiss. But … down under ?” Lucy said, making Pandora choke on her tea as she laughed.

“I know. I’m hilarious,” Lucy said, rapping hard on Pandora’s back.

“You all right?” Victor called across the café.

“Look at you, being a concerned fiancé,” Lucy said, beaming at him. “She’s fine. Just … wrong pipe. Speaking of pipes …”

“Stop!” Pandora said, charmingly scandalized by her friend’s outrageous comments.

“What?” Lucy asked, the picture of innocence. “I was just going to say that it’s, you know, really important for pipes to be long and firm, and—”

“You’ve got no shame, have you?” Pandora asked, shaking her head.

“You can’t blame me. I’ve been DJing my own party for ages now. I have to live vicariously through you until some hot groomsman sweeps me off my feet.”

“I will pray for your sake that Victor’s best friend, Sebastian, is as hot as you are hoping.”

“Make him hotter. My standards are on the floor lately,” Lucy said with a wince. “Though, you can’t pray, so I guess I will have to settle for him retaining at least half of his hair and having decent dental hygiene.”

“Reaching for the moon there,” Pandora said as a small crowd of customers came in.

She managed to spend some time with Victor before he headed home to get some sleep, their conversation helped on by the constantly interjecting Lucy.

But, eventually, it was time to go home.

She truly had no intention of letting the cat out of the bag about her engagement as she reached to open the front door of the Von Ashmore house.

She genuinely was going to stick to her own plan.

Until, suddenly, the words were tumbling out of her mouth.

Really, it was all her cousin Bellatrix’s fault.