Page 30 of Mr. Green (Mr. #2)

Lana

T he next morning, Grant is gone. He left a cute note on my nightstand, though.

Good morning, Sunshine!

I’m sorry I can’t see your beautiful face when you wake up, but I’ll call you soon.

Enjoy your day.

It’s nice he’s thinking about me. I need to clear my head, so I get Queenie ready for a run. My phone beeps, but I don’t look at the text. I’m assuming it’s from Grant or Jason. I want to have a clear head before I evaluate what the fuck is happening with Grant.

Queenie and I run for as long as I can. Almost seven miles later, I’m back in my apartment.

I’m putting together an omelet, back to my strict diet.

Last night’s dinner was heavenly, but it had a lot of oil and carbohydrates.

It’s probably why I ran so much this morning.

I’m meeting Jason later today for weight training.

I chop my vegetables and get the pan ready. Once the pan is warm, I start sautéing my ingredients together. I glance at my phone, ready to face reality.

Lana, I miss you.

I stand frozen with a gasp. It’s from a number I instantly recognize.

I deleted it from my phone after it kept sending me to a strange voice message, but I know it by heart.

I cover my mouth with my hand and forget to breathe.

It’s just like the guy from your past to come back in your life once you’re moving on.

They somehow know you’re getting over them and they can’t stand it.

I stare at the text in disbelief. I’ve been waiting months for this exact text from Ryan.

The thing is, I’ve seen another side to what a real relationship could look like—with Grant. Although I’m still not sure if he’d actually stay with me or just wanted to get in my pants. Matt, for instance, had sex with Scarlett then didn’t reach out for five days. Grant could do the same to me.

Of course, Grant has already treated me a million times better than Ryan ever did.

I’ve seen the way Grant looks at me and now I’m comparing it to how Ryan used to look at me.

I think I inflated the idea of Ryan and how well I thought he treated me since it was the only relationship I ever had.

Now, I’m seeing I may have made him into someone I thought was perfect, while he was far from it.

I immediately block Ryan’s number, not trusting myself to see anything else from him.

I might give in if he keeps trying to talk to me.

I want to see where things go with Grant.

Maybe he’ll leave, but maybe he’ll prove me wrong.

I also want to get a little stronger before I confront Ryan.

I’ve been stuck on him for so long, I might give in and start seeing him again if that’s what he wanted.

But now, I’m not sure if that’s what I really want.

Ryan was an expert coder. He can get ahold of someone when he wants to. My computer is open and pings to alert a message from someone. I go over to my computer and sure enough, a message is waiting.

It’s Ryan. Fuck!

I NEED to talk to you. I want to explain.

The shock has worn off and my heart races with anger.

This fucking sleazeball. He can’t honestly think after months of waiting around for him, I’m just going to give in.

I block him on my computer too. There’s no way I’m going to talk to him.

He should suffer a little bit before I consider gracing him with my presence.

It’s on the very tips of my fingers to tell him to fuck off.

Then again, there’s a soft thought of wanting to see him again. To see how he’s doing, if he looks the same, if he still makes me feel something after all this time. I’m torn in two directions.

Once I’m confident Ryan can’t get ahold of me, I call Paige.

“Hey, La La!” she greets.

“Hey. So Ryan just reached out.”

“Don’t tell me that stupid dung-beetle-eating snake contacted you? Block him like he blocked you!”

“I did.”

“That’s because you’re fucking amazing!”

This is why I called Paige. I need to know I’m making the right decision.

As much as I need closure, I think I’m getting it by myself.

Grant is helping me go to a new level. I don’t want to mess up things with Grant.

I’m also confused if I should talk to Ryan.

On the other hand, I’m scared talking to Ryan will make me give in and take him back like nothing happened.

“He fucking texted and DMed me, after months, Paige! What the hell?”

“Listen, making him sweat is the best thing you could do.” I hear her biting her nail. “I do wonder if you should talk to him, though. Maybe you need to, so at the very least you can tell him to go fuck himself.”

“I don’t think I trust myself to not give in.”

“I think you know Grant is your choice.”

“That doesn’t take away from the pining I’ve been doing for Ryan. Besides, I have no idea why Grant wants to be with me. There doesn’t seem to be much in it for him. He told me a bunch of cute things and has taken me on romantic dates, but how do I know he’s going to stay with me?”

“Lana, what are you talking about? You’re a catch.

Don’t let what Ryan did make you insecure about who you are.

You’re a worthy person who deserves everything she wants.

The only person you’re fighting against is yourself.

Everyone around you knows you’re smart, creative, caring, and an awesome person to be around.

Ryan knows that too, which is why he’s contacting you.

I think you’ve been hanging onto the idea of him, but what you want is with Grant. ”

Tears drop down my cheeks, again. Will I ever stop crying?

Paige telling me everything I already know is a nice kick in the ass.

Grant said the same things last night. That’s why it’s so terrifying to move forward with him.

He knows I have work to do on myself, but is still hanging around.

What if it takes me years to believe what the both of them are saying? Will I lose him?

“Scarlett’s wedding is coming up,” Paige interrupts my self-interrogation. “Focus on building yourself again. Focus on Grant. Maybe go see your family. They always help you feel like yourself.”

“You think?” I ask while pacing and fidgeting with my hair.

“Absolutely.”

“You’re right.”

“To be clear, this isn’t about a guy for you. It’s about you being yourself again and which guy brings that out. The guy isn’t the factor, he’s just a helper. Get your head together. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay, thanks Paige.”

“Love you, Lana. It’s going to be okay.”

“Love you. Bye.”

Tears keep streaming down my face as I go into my room to pack a bag. I’ll leave to go home after I train with Jason. It’s going to be nice to see my family. It’s been months since I’ve spent actual time with them.

I hope Paige is right and a visit with them will make everything okay.