Page 77 of Men or Paws

“I’m not, so pay attention,” I said, trying to think of what she should do next, since I was improvising. “Okay, get ready for some fun after this. Last step. Bark like a dog twice. This is where the magic happens.”

“Rocco . . .”

Beth couldn’t look any cuter or funnier.

But she deserved this.

“Come on, do it for me,” I said. “All you have to do is bark twice.”

She hesitated, then sighed. “Ruff. Ruff.”

“A little louder, please.”

She hesitated, staring at the camera for a moment. “Ruff. Ruff!”

I paused for a few seconds, so close to bursting with laughter, but somehow managing to hold it together. “I can’t believe he didn’t do the trick after hearing the two barks! Something must be wrong with him. Is he sick? He does look a little emaciated.”

“He’s not sick,” Beth said, dropping her leg back down and sitting on the couch. “There’s a reason why and I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“Of course, there’s a reason,” I said. “I’m losing my touch. Houdini, what’s one plus one?”

Imposter dog continued to chew on one of Houdini’s toys, ignoring everything and everybody.

Beth looked like she had a bad case of hemorrhoids, adjusting her position on the couch a couple of times, then closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What’s one plus one?” I asked again, even though I knew that dog would just continue to ignore me.

Houdini was the only dog I knew who was a math whiz.

Beth sighed and opened her eyes. “Rocco . . .”

“Houdini, what’s two plus two?” I asked, waiting a few seconds before following up with, “Why isn’t he answering me like he normally does? That’s so odd.”

“Rocco . . .”

“What’s two plus two? Three plus three? What about—”

“Please stop!” Beth said, covering her face with her hands.

Oh, no . . .

Wait, was she crying?

“Are you okay?” I said, starting to feel guilty.

She wiped her eyes and shook her head.

“Are you crying?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.

Beth shrugged, her gaze fixed on the floor. “Maybe.”

Crap.

I took the joke too far.

I’m an idiot.

“Hey, hey, hey. There’s no reason for tears,” I said, wishing I could take it all back.