Page 5 of Men or Paws

“You will see a whole gaggle of those unicorns flying tandem with pigs through an icy hell before that ever happens. I can’t be friends with a woman. And you never answered my question. Why does she hate me?”

“I didn’t say Beth hated you,” Oliver said. “According to her brother, she has a medium-to-heavy distaste for you. Don’t take it personally. Some people love cilantro and some people think it tastes like soap. You’re the soap in this scenario, in case you’re wondering.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Anyway, she’s not a fan and let’s leave it at that. And it doesn’t really matter, because Beth is your ticket to peace and tranquility and finding your next project. Trust me, give her a call.”

I sighed. “I don’t know about this . . .”

“Do you want me to enjoy my vacation or not? Rocco—call her.”

“Let me get this straight . . . you’re saying that if I call Beth, you’ll stop bugging me?”

“You’re the one being ridiculous now,” Oliver said, laughing. “Aloha.”

After he ended the call, I pulled up Oliver’s text on my phone and stared at Beth’s name, my finger hovering over her number.

Was I really considering calling her?

What if she turned out to be a relative of Hannibal Lecter and wanted to have me for dinner with some fava beans and chianti?

On the other hand, Oliver had never given me bad advice in the past.

I glanced over at Houdini, who was sniffing another one of the sitcom scripts in my reject pile on the floor, temptation in his eyes.

“Don’t even think about it,” I said, quickly tapping Beth’s number on my phone before I changed my mind.

She answered on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, Beth. This is Rocco Romano. I got your number from—”

“Ooh, be still my beating heart,” Beth said. “The one and only Rocco Romano is calling me? How did I get so lucky to be talking to the sexiest man alive?”

Call me crazy, but that sounded a lot like sarcasm.

I hesitated, not really knowing how to respond. “Uh . . .”

“I shouldn’t be surprised since I have so many Hollywood celebrities fighting for my attention these days. My head is spinning!” She laughed.

Yup. Sarcasm. And she seemed to be an expert.

“Anyway, I don’t have time for this at the moment,” Beth added.

I was confused since I thought she was expecting my call. “You don’t have time for what?”

“You goofing around . . .”

Goofing around?

What was she talking about?

“I just found out there’s a property for lease that’s perfect for my new business,” Beth said. “I need to call to find out if it’s still available, then figure out who I need to kill to get the money for the deposit.”

I knew it.

Psycho, for sure.

Unless she was kidding.