Page 43 of Men or Paws

“What others?” I asked.

“The women he has gone out with in the—”

Rocco cleared his throat. “Don’t listen to him—he’s been hittin’ the gin and juice a little early today.”

“Mimosas,” Douglas said. “I am of sound mind, thank you very much. I’m an expert at reading animals, their behaviors, and their body language. People are not much different and this one’s a slam dunk.” He smiled at me.

“What’s a slam dunk?” I asked, more confused than ever.

“It’s not important,” Rocco said.

“That’s where you’re wrong, neighbor.” Douglas grinned. “Without love, our lives have no meaning.”

“Love?” Rocco and I said at the same time.

How many mimosas had Douglas drank?

“Yes!” Douglas said. “Love is in the air. Can you feel it?”

“The only thing I feel is indigestion brought on from the direction of this conversation,” Rocco said.

“I’ve got an abundant supply of Pepcid AC, if you need to borrow some.” Douglas chuckled. “Tell me, how long have you two been dating?”

Why would he think we were dating?

The only thing we were doing together was watching Houdini pee in the backyard.

How does a person get dating out of that?

I gestured to Rocco, then back to myself. “Me and Rocco?” I snorted. “We’re not dating. No way.”

Rocco placed his hands on his hips. “What’s with the attitude, Miss Piggy?”

Hands on my hips, I mimicked his body language. “You and I both know we’re about as compatible as a lion and a warthog.”

He crossed his arms. “And who exactly is the lion?”

I was about to cross my arms to match his stance, but then Douglas decided to chime in. “The warthog is part of the pig family and since Beth snorted, well, I think the answer is obvious.”

Rocco laughed.

“Not funny,” I said. “You’re unbelievable. Really.”

He shook his finger at me and smirked. “No flirting.”

“You two are a kick!” Douglas said. “When I met Lizzy, God rest her soul, she told me she would rather shave her legs with a cheese grater than go on a date with me. We were married over fifty years!”

Rocco surprised me when he gave Douglas the most compassionate smile. “She was an amazing woman.” He pointed back at me. “But as for me and Beth, no way, Jose. There’s nothing going on. I mean, she gets offended when I say she’s breathtaking, even though it’s a fact. Can you believe that?”

Why had he brought that up again?

I blew out a frustrated breath. “I wasn’t offended. It’s just—”

Wait a minute . . .

When did he upgrade me from attractive to breathtaking?

There was a huge difference between the two.