Page 21 of Men or Paws

“It’s true, but—”

“Then don’t pass up this golden opportunity.”

Beth crossed her arms. “Why do you even need a dog sitter if you’re going to be here?”

I pointed to the stack of mangled scripts on the end table. “That is what happens when I’m trying to work, courtesy of the hairy thing resting on your feet. I’m up to my eyeballs in scripts and have to get through them. You try working under that sort of pressure when you’re feeling guilty.”

I winced, not meaning to say that last part aloud.

“Why are you feeling guilty?” Beth asked.

I waved a no-no finger at her. “You already forgot item number four. No asking personal questions.”

Beth hesitated, then sat back down. “Okay, then . . . this question is not personal, but more of a general question that could pertain to anyone at all. Why would someone get a dog if that person doesn’t have time for him?”

Not that I was going to answer Beth, but Animal Control had been about to take Houdini to the shelter after his owner moved into an assisted-living facility. I didn’t want to think of what might happen to him after that. Most people don’t want to adopt older dogs, they want puppies. Then Houdini looked at me with those big brown beautiful save-me eyes when I told him everything was going to be okay. It was like he was telling me without words that he would be perfectly fine living with me if I would be so kind as to adopt him.

My heart was a goner.

How could I say no?

The truth was, I probably needed Houdini in my life more than he needed me.

Of course, there was no way I was going to tell Beth all that.

I pointed to the contract. “That’s still a personal question and grounds for immediate dismissal. Please clean out your desk and turn in your employee badge.”

Beth didn’t even crack a smile at my joke.

Was I the only one who thought I was humorous?

“I don’t have to abide by the stipulations of the contract since I haven’t signed it,” she said. “Technically, I’m not working for you yet. And if you’re going to avoid innocent questions, why not just add another stipulation to the contract that says I’m not allowed to talk to you ever. Or better yet, just stick some tape over my mouth.”

I scratched my chin, pretending to think about it. “Hmmm . . . is that legal?”

Beth glared at me.

The woman needed to loosen up. She was wound up so tight that if the wind picked up speed, her head would snap off. Seriously, what was her beef with me?

For some reason, I decided to give her a morsel of info. “I do have time for Houdini. It’s just, I have a project that I need to put all my energy into. It’s temporary, hence the three-week contract. Can we please continue? I already know the terms of my contract. There’s no need for you to continue reading them to me.” I pointed to her folder. “Let’s jump to your addendum. I can’t wait to hear this.”

Beth hesitated.

“Please,” I said. “Trust me, I will stay out of your hair when you’re watching Houdini. He’ll have your company while I’ll be able to focus on my work.”

She was a pain in the butt, but at least I knew she would leave me alone.

“Fine.” Beth sat back down next to me, carefully opened the folder, pulled out a couple of papers stapled together, and handed them to me.

I cleared my throat and read item one of the addendum. “No sex with Beth.” I blinked a couple of times before looking over at her. “Very funny.”

“It’s not a joke,” Beth said. “Keep reading.”

I decided to humor her, even though I had a feeling I knew what was coming next. “No kissing Beth. No flirting with Beth.” I glanced up at her again, correct in my prediction. “This is ridiculous. What’s the point of copying everything in my contract?”

“Simple,” Beth said. “You mention whatIcan’t do while I’m under your employment, but what about you? For example, you state that I can’t kiss you, but where does it say you can’t kiss me? It doesn’t, hence my addendum. The rules should go both ways.”

This woman was quite possibly insane.