Page 48 of Meet Me Under the Northern Lights

SVARTA KAFFID, REYKJAVIK

The suggested cake treat had turned into soup.

One sniff of the heavenly warming scent drifting from the small eatery and the thought of it served inside a whole rounded loaf of fresh bread, and Chloe’s mind was set.

Now, tucked into a cosy corner of the upstairs restaurant, loaves filled with delicious meaty soup, Chloe was starting to feel a bit more together.

‘Well, I don’t know about you,’ Kat began. ‘But I feel better for the soup benefits than I did for the breathwork.’

Chloe smiled. ‘I don’t think we gave the breathwork a real chance. It came highly recommended.’

‘Be honest though,’ Kat said, sipping soup from her spoon. ‘Could you see Lincoln Sinclair lying on the floor of that dome panting in and out and thinking it was a vibe?’

‘No,’ Chloe agreed. ‘But I could see him in a Sinclairz chair like a throne, leading the breathing class and relishing his staff worshipping him like the entrepreneurial god he is.’

‘Wow,’ Kat said. ‘You really have thought about it.’

‘I think I’ve thought too much about it,’ Chloe admitted. ‘And now my overthinking is starting to clash with the brief Kirstin gave me. Maybe I’m trying too hard. And maybe that’s my life issue all round.’

‘Now you’re feeling guilty for trying too hard at your job?’ Kat asked.

‘At everything. Maybe even about trying to have a baby.’ She wiped her mouth with a serviette.

‘I’m not sure that’s your fault. I’m pretty certain trying hard is what you’re meant to do to make it happen.’

‘I know but… when I wasn’t working, it was my every waking thought and sleeping thought too and maybe that need pressurised everything.

’ She sighed, her whole body tightening as she thought back.

‘And the longer Michael and I were living in that environment, baby-making being all we thought about, talked about, the greater the strain our relationship was under. And we stopped doing the fun stuff, you know.’

‘That’s quite normal as relationships progress though, isn’t it? I mean, one moment you’re having sex in the woods and the next you’re fighting over who gets to tip the last crumbs of the Pringles tube down your throat.’

‘But it shouldn’t be like that,’ Chloe said.

‘Or maybe if it does get like that you can laugh together about it and shake things up a bit.’ She sighed.

‘Michael and I just stopped doing anything but having mechanical baby-making sex and while the hope that this would produce the perfect end result was getting us through, when it turned into a never-going-to-happen and we realised we’d wasted all that time, it was devastation all around and only highlighted how we had put too much emphasis on a baby and forgotten about the two people that were supposed to love each other. ’

‘And he didn’t communicate afterwards,’ Kat reminded her, tearing some bread from her bowl.

‘Neither did I,’ Chloe admitted.

‘But, Chloe, you found out you couldn’t have children. He only found out that he couldn’t have children with you. It’s a much bigger thing for you and he should have supported you through that.’

Chloe nodded, sipping some soup. ‘And if he felt the way he should have felt about me, if he had truly loved me, then he would have.’ She sighed.

‘But I don’t think either of us loved each other enough to get through the most difficult times.

Maybe that was why the universe dealt me this situation, to let me know, to let us know that we weren’t meant to be. ’

‘Exactly,’ Kat agreed. ‘Because otherwise, if you were a strong, solid partnership destined for a forever then you would have looked at other ways to have a family. Like adoption or fostering or whatever Angelina Jolie does.’

Chloe nodded. ‘I know and, if I want to have a family one day, I will definitely consider all the options. But, it definitely has to be with the right person. Because it’s one thing to be in a couple but it’s quite another to be the solid foundation of a family.’

‘Well,’ Kat said. ‘I think you will make a fantastic mum one day.’

‘Really?’

‘You mother me most of the time. Even my mother doesn’t know how to mother me.’

‘I’m going to take that as a compliment,’ Chloe stated.

‘It really is. And, if we’re being completely honest, you mother Michelle too. I don’t know how that woman created this business on her own but I know damn well that it wouldn’t be as successful as it is without you.’

Chloe nodded. She was beginning to realise that she should have more confidence in her career abilities.

She was driven and focussed but her one fault was perhaps driving so hard she passed a few traffic lights at amber along the way.

Her passion for projects was second to none but she had to remind herself that these were not events for her, they were events for others whose wants and needs sometimes didn’t want to be pushed in a direction she thought was better.

Delivering what the customer wanted, not what you thought the customer should have, was paramount.

And with that separation came a degree of released tension to some extent.

‘Thank you, Kat,’ Chloe said, reaching across the table for her friend’s hand.

‘What for? Being annoying? Turning up unexpectedly? Getting on your nerves talking about my mother’s festive requirements being greater than Mariah Carey’s tour rider?’

‘No,’ Chloe said, giving her hand a squeeze. ‘For always being here for me no matter what. For jumping on a plane because you wanted to be with me when I found out about Michael and his new life.’

‘That’s what family does, Chloe,’ Kat said, squeezing her hand back. ‘And that’s exactly what we are.’

The sentiment hit Chloe full force and she suddenly knew exactly what she was going to do.