Page 47 of Meet Me Under the Northern Lights

LANDSPíTALI HOSPITAL, REYKJAVIK

Gunnar had never seen Hildur look frail before. But here, in this hospital bed, her fragile skin the same colour as the pale white sheets, she looked every year of her however-many-years-old she was.

‘Is she going to die?’

The question came from Magnús who was sitting on the other side of the bed, chewing his nails, hair flopping over haunted eyes, gaze going from Hildur, to the bag of IV fluids, to the contrasting spiral of tinsel weaved along the rail of the curtain that was closeting them from the rest of the ward.

The boy was scared. Not just from what he had seen today, but all the things he had seen so far in his short life. He would not ever lie to Magnús.

‘She fell from a great height.’ Just the facts.

‘I know,’ Magnús said. ‘But the firemen caught her in the life net.’

A miracle that they had. Someone had been watching over Hildur in that moment and he didn’t care whether it was the huldufólk or pure chance, he was grateful that they were even here in this moment, Hildur’s chest still rising and falling.

‘They did,’ he said, nodding. ‘But, you know, it was still a hard fall. At Hildur’s age, any kind of event like that puts a huge stress on the body and she has only just had her broken foot and?—’

‘And you have not said that she is not going to die,’ Magnús interrupted. ‘And all of this happening. It is all my fault!’

‘Do not say that,’ Gunnar ordered. ‘It is no one’s fault. Accidents, they just happen. You know this.’

‘That is not what Hildur believes,’ Magnús said, sniffing with emotion. ‘Hildur believes that everything has a purpose.’

Gunnar shook his head. If Hildur wasn’t lying in a hospital bed right now he would be cursing her for relaying her opinions and deeper meanings about life to Magnús for him to deal with in this moment.

‘Hildur also believes that our entire home looks better when it looks like all thirteen of the Yule Lads have run in and puked up all over it,’ Gunnar stated.

‘Hildur said that if we do not have enough Christmas decorations the Yule Lads will leave only potatoes in our shoes.’ He sighed. ‘I told Hildur that because of everything at school I probably only deserved potatoes in my shoes anyway.’

Gunnar shook his head. ‘Magnús, like I said, this is not your fault.’

‘If I had not pushed Brigitta then none of this would be happening,’ Magnús said. ‘I should have ignored her. I should have tried not to let it get to me. I should have been stronger.’

‘OK,’ Gunnar said. He got up, picked up his chair and walked around Hildur’s bed, putting his seat down next to Magnús.

He clapped a hand to the boy’s shoulder.

‘Listen to me, Magnús. What is done is done. There is no point thinking of different outcomes or decisions we might have made in anything. We cannot change the past. The only thing we can do is learn from previous choices and use that knowledge to improve what we do in the future.’

‘But the decisions I made in the past mean that Hildur’s future is in this bed at the hospital,’ Magnús said, eyes welling with tears.

‘Not… my future.’

Gunnar and Magnús both jumped at the sound of Hildur’s voice. The woman’s eyes were opening a little.

‘Hildur!’ Magnús exclaimed, half-standing now and leaning close to her in an attempt at a hug.

‘Magnús, give Hildur a little space,’ Gunnar ordered, coaxing the boy back slightly with his hand.

‘Sorry, did I hurt her?’ Magnús said, now looking concerned.

‘Stop… saying so much… when you are… really saying nothing at all,’ Hildur said, paper-thin lips moving slowly.

‘Hildur, do not try to speak. The doctor said you need complete rest and we do not have the results of your scans yet,’ Gunnar stated.

‘The… perfect situation for you,’ Hildur stated. ‘First I hurt my foot and cannot move. Now I… should not speak. What is left for me now?’

Gunnar’s gut contracted with something close to joy. What was left for Hildur now was her humour. Still very much there and finding its way out even in this difficult situation.

‘Do you want some water, Hildur?’ Magnús asked, looking at the patient as if she might crumble into dust if he did not attend to her every need.

‘That is what the bag is giving Hildur, Magnús,’ Gunnar reminded.

‘But… it is not… giving me coffee,’ Hildur said. ‘Gunnar, give the boy some króna and let him buy some from the machines.’

He got out his wallet and did as Hildur asked.

‘Much sugar in mine,’ Hildur said to Magnús before he headed for the door.

As the door closed and Magnús left the room, Gunnar knew the boy’s departure had very little to do with Hildur wanting coffee.

‘So,’ Hildur said. ‘Help me sit up so I can talk to you without… fear of choking.’

‘The doctor said you were not to move.’

‘The doctor is in charge… of my treatment,’ Hildur said. ‘He is not in charge of me. Either help or I will try myself.’

Hildur started to show signs that she was going to wriggle independently so Gunnar had no choice. He supported her, aided in moving pillows and getting her propped into a sitting position.

‘You are OK?’ Gunnar asked, seeing a flash of discomfort touch her face.

‘No,’ Hildur said, gritting her teeth. ‘I need to know that you are going to finish what I started with regard to the Lundgren family.’

Gunnar shook his head. ‘What would you like me to do? Cut off your ex-brother-in-law’s beard or kidnap his son?’

‘You do not agree with my methods,’ Hildur said. ‘Bernard knows me, Gunnar. Despite my needing to make a stand in a public way he was never in any real danger.’

‘You are lucky that is also what he said to the police. And, you are even luckier that you were not killed!’

Hildur sighed. ‘You are wasting words again, Gunnar. All inconsequential. And everything I would repeat again, exactly the same, even if I had hindsight.’

‘Even you falling off the roof?’

‘Even that,’ Hildur assured him. ‘Because you know I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if you like to pretend otherwise.’

‘I do not know what you want me to say to that.’

‘I do not want you to say anything to that. I want you to say that you will make sure that Bernard follows through, that the Lundgrens drop the police complaint against Magnús. That there is fair treatment. That Brigitta and her friends are held accountable for their bullying of Magnús that led to this whole situation. That that precious, sad little boy goes back to a school he once felt nurtured at and feels safe again.’

Gunnar tried to swallow away a large knot of emotion that was suddenly in his throat like a granite boulder as he listened to Hildur and saw her feelings etched on her expression.

‘I will not be here forever, Gunnar.’

‘Stop that.’

‘No,’ Hildur said. ‘We always speak our truth in our home, no? I am old. That is the fact. But, today was not my day to die. Tomorrow? Who knows?’

‘Hildur!’

‘I am only saying that, while I am here I will do whatever it takes to support you and support your care of Magnús. And, sometimes, that support will involve something like what happened today and?—’

‘And, we agreed, that was crazy.’

‘Actually,’ Hildur said. ‘We did not agree it was crazy. And, I thought long and hard about it and made a compromise. My original plan was much worse.’

Gunnar rolled his eyes in defeat.

‘You need to stand up now, Gunnar,’ Hildur continued. ‘Sometimes you are too polite, too nice, too kind, too conforming.’

‘What?’

‘There is nothing wrong with being nice, Gunnar Eriksson. You are the most gentle soul I know and you teach Magnús so much kindness and respect but…’

‘But? It is wrong to be kind and have respect?’

‘No,’ Hildur said stiffly. ‘But respect must be earned and it must be mutually attributable. There should be no hierarchy for it.’ She put her bony hand over his and clenched tight.

‘You and Magnús are just as entitled to respect as anyone else. I know you both walk around thinking that you do not deserve great things, trying to work out when the next disaster is going to come along and take whatever you have left from you, but you cannot live like that.’

He opened his mouth to deny what she was saying, plead his case, but found he had nothing sincere to offer. In many ways she was correct.

‘And, tell me,’ Hildur began again. ‘Are you still being too polite with the “except”? Chloe.’

He didn’t know how to respond. Hildur didn’t even know that he had seen Kirstin.

‘Gah!’ Hildur said, sounding exasperated with him. ‘Gunnar Eriksson! If you like someone, tell them. Speak how your heart makes you feel. Say the words out loud. Because what good are feelings except to drive you insane unless you share them with somebody.’

‘I know,’ he admitted. ‘I need to be honest and tell Chloe about Magnús.’

‘Yes,’ Hildur said. ‘Good. And if that sweet boy is a reason to make someone run away from you rather than towards you they were not right for you from the beginning.’

He nodded and gave Hildur’s hand a squeeze.

‘OK, so, go and help that boy with the coffee machine because he will not be able to work it out on his own,’ Hildur said. ‘And if I am still alive when you both come back then it will be a good end to the day.’

Hildur closed her eyes and let an elongated sigh leave her.

‘Hildur,’ Gunnar queried, concerned.

‘Go,’ she ordered. ‘I am resting, not expiring.’

With a smile on his lips, Gunnar got to his feet and went to the door.