Page 10 of Meet Me at the Metro (Gildenhill #1)
10
IMPENETRABLE WALLS
T H E O
T he door slams shut behind me, and I tightly close my eyes, breathing out deeply as I try to settle the tension that Nora left behind and the ache now growing at the back of my head.
My ears listen carefully for the click of the music room doors outside, and when I’m sure that she’s gone for good, I let the mask of indifference I was schooling my features into drop away.
I wouldn’t allow her to see anything but disinterest on my face because moments ago, I saw the faint hint of concern lingering behind her eyes as they took me in, and I couldn’t bear it.
I hated that look. Hell, I’ve seen it expressed in a thousand different ways by countless people in my life since I was 15 years old, but seeing it come from her burned the most. I didn’t want her to worry because I knew her doing so would prompt questions with answers I was not ready to give her.
I’ve managed to deal with my shit mostly on my own so far, and I plan to keep it that way. The noises in my head were loud enough, and I would rather not have to hear the commotion they would stir up on the outside if I found it in me to speak them out loud. I can’t listen to the chaos that would be born from my lips—chaos that I’m afraid would spread to the others around me—because I’m not good at coping with the panic that rises inside of me every time those haunting memories consume my thoughts .
But every time those damn eyes of Nora’s manage to draw me in, I find it hard to ignore that part of myself that begs me to let her in. Because for reasons beyond my comprehension, every interaction with her feels unforced— natural —even the bickering. I felt the absence of her presence like a ghost on my shoulder, one I wanted to acknowledge but felt too scared to.
Fuck.
This is exactly why I’m fighting so hard to maintain indifference to her. Nora doesn’t need to be dragged into my mess because it’s my mess to deal with—no one else’s. Especially not hers. I’ve learned the hard way that people don’t stay forever. They leave or move on, whether it be by choice or by fate, and all you’re left with is the painful, nostalgic memories they leave behind.
Quite frankly, I’m tired of losing people, and I don’t need any more ghosts in my life.
Besides, I’ve only had a few interactions with the girl; it would be foolish to cling to those few fleeting moments. How she can manage to come into the picture so effortlessly and form even the tiniest splinters in the rigid walls I’ve spent the last ten years building up is beyond me.
In fact, it’s really not fucking fair.
So I can’t do this.
I couldn’t allow my guards to let themselves down so easily, so I ended up saying the only thing I could think of to get her to get the hell away and stop the palpable tension lingering between us.
“You can close the door on your way out. ”
Deep down, I wasn’t expecting her to listen, especially given how stubborn I’d seen her be, but she proved my assumptions wrong as she slammed the door shut and left me to my own.
I soak in the silence around me, Nora’s raspy but soft voice no longer pervading my senses. I fight the urge to storm after her, to demand answers from her as to why she feels so damn irresistible—to ask her if she can’t quit thinking about me the same way that I can’t quit thinking about her…
I’m going mental. I’m actually going bloody mental.
“Fucking Nora,” I mutter, annoyed at my lack of mental restraint to not think about her.
Lost in a haze of emotions, I strike my hands mindlessly against the piano keyboard, causing an awful, abrupt chord to ring through the room. The sheets of music in front of me fly onto the floor.
“ Shit.” I instantly panic, working madly to pick up the pieces of scattered paper—the only pieces I still have left of him.
It’s been ten years since I’ve heard his voice. The notes on the pages were the only way I could even come close to hearing him anymore. The harmonies within them brought his soul to life when they were played, even if it was for the briefest of moments.
As soon as Gildenhill announced the senior performance critique, I immediately knew that this was the piece I was going to perform to end my senior year— his piece . He had played it for me countless times before, but the years have done little favor in helping me remember each of the notes written within the fading black ink.
This is precisely why I’ve been working my arse off, trying to transpose the chords and keys before they vanish for good. It’s been a struggle to transfer the music to new paper, and if I don’t figure it out soon, I will lose every piece of him.
Maybe if I explained all that to Nora, she would understand why I acted the way I did the first night we met. Maybe then, she could understand where I’m coming from… but then again, what the hell does it even matter? Any possible friendship between the two of us is gone. My bad attitude and smart-arse mouth has reassured me that.
As my hands finally gather the last few sheets, I catch sight of the signature at the bottom of the very last page, and my stomach drops. Memories of the past begin to bleed into the present, and without warning, my heart takes off in a crescendo. I do my best to distract myself from the sudden palpitations growing in my chest and quickly gather my belongings. Dad’s voice is an echo in the back of my mind, and I try so damn hard to smother it before it brings me right back to that day…
The crisp winter breeze blowing against my skin and the smell of—
I push out of the music room door just as the memory resurfaces, letting the cool air of the night blow it away and fill my lungs with the oxygen they’re so desperately begging for. I search the night sky for its stars, counting each one I find between the passing clouds to distract myself and calm my racing, reckless mind down.
With trembling fingers, I pull my phone from my cross-body bag and shove my headphones over my ears so I can drown my thoughts out with music instead.
And I don’t know what in the actual fuck comes over me as I type ‘show tunes’ into the search bar, but I allow the god-awful Broadway tracks to accompany me all the way home.
E L L I E
“Okay, Connor, you were right. I think that might have been one of the best burgers I’ve ever had.”
“What did I tell you? And you didn’t wanna believe me!”
“Because then I’d have to admit one more thing the Brits do better than us damn Americans,” I joke, feigning shame as I wipe non-existent tears from my eyes.
“Shut up.”
“By the way, I’m still mad at you,” I tell him frankly, crossing my arms against my chest.
“For what?”
I roll my eyes and give him a light-hearted shove that causes him to stumble against the sidewalk we’re trailing down. “Don’t play stupid.”
He just laughs, ignoring my disapproval as we approach the entrance to my flat. “Thank you for tagging along tonight. You made dinner a lot less lonely. ”
“Well, thank you for the invitationand for paying for my meal, which ,” I assert through gritted teeth, “I will be paying you back for.”
“You absolutely will not. It was my pleasure.”
“Then I’ll just stay mad at you,” I shrug.
“ Mhmm, I’m sure.”
“I’ll shove the money in your pocket when you’re not looking, then,” I huff.
He immediately blushes at this, and I instantly regret the possible innuendo it might have had. Connor clears his throat and politely asks, “Can I walk you up?”
“Oh, that’s okay,” I smile, stepping past him to the padlock and entering the number code. “It’s late, and I’m sure my roommates are waiting for me inside. Thank you again… for tonight. It was nice. I didn’t know how much I needed it. Maybe we can schedule more of these study sessions in the future.”
“Yeah. I’d love that.” He nods eagerly, pulling me into an embrace and bidding me a final goodbye. “Have a nice night, Ellie.”
“You too.”
My back falls against the entrance door as it shuts behind me. I pinch the bridge of my nose tightly, exhaling a deep breath as I overanalyze everything I just said to him and his reactions.I hope I’m not giving him the wrong impression.
We’re just friends; he has to know that.
I try not to contemplate the thought too seriously as I force my feet up the stairs and open the door to the flat. Harvey and Evie are lounging across the couch, watching a movie as I step inside. Their heads immediately jerk back as their ears register my late arrival.
“ Well, well, well ,” Evie taunts with a promiscuous smile. “Look what the cat dragged in. And so late, too.”
“It’s not that late.”
“No, midnight’s not late at all,” Harvey chuckles. He looks me over with an inspecting gaze and adds more fuel to Evie’s fire as he teases, “Out with Theo on another adventure? ”
“Absolutely not. That’s the last thing I wanna do on my Friday night. I was with my friend, Connor. We had a study session over dinner tonight.”
“Oh, a study session . You hear that, Harvey? She was having a study session with her friend Connor. He’s a good friend, huh?”
“Would you leave the poor girl alone! He’s just a friend,” Harvey snickers. “She’s obviously still caught up on Theo.”
This sends them both into a fit of giggles, and I pick up a stray decorative pillow from the floor and chuck it at the two of them to shut them up. “You guys are ridiculous!”
“She’s not denying any of our accusations, Harv.”
“Nothing is going on between Connor and me.”
Harvey shrugs. “Theo’s still on the table, though?”
“Nothing is going on with Theo and me, either! In fact, from now on, all of the relationships in my life involving the male species will remain completely platonic.”
“Oh, give me a bloody break,” Evie cackles, doubled over the backside of the couch. “You won’t be saying that when that pussy starts starving for some tender love and care.”
“Evie, language!” Harvey reprimands.
“I’m fully capable of giving my pussy tender love and care on my own.”
“Ellie!” He gasps as the uncensored word spills from my lips, and now we’re all laughing so hard we can barely get another word out. Harvey’s the first to finally get a hold of his breath. “Okay then, Miss Platonic Vagina, you got any plans tomorrow night?”
“No, not that I know of.” I sling my backpack off onto the floor and squeeze between the two of them on the couch. “How come?”
“There’s a show I’m putting on tomorrow night at Gullie’s. I’d love for you to come. Evie will be there,” he adds as if that’s supposed to bring me a sense of comfort.
“I would love to. What time does it start?”
“11:00.”
“And what kind of show are we discussing here, Harv?” I prod, thoroughly intrigued .
“I suppose you’ll have to come and see for yourself.”
“Plus, a night out gives us an excuse to shop for new outfits, especially for you .” Evie taps the tips of her fingers together mischievously. “Skin is in, baby, and you’re not showing enough of it.”
She was too damn promiscuous for her own good, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t secretly love it.
“Sure,” I smirk, “and we can find you a nice little cardigan while we’re at it.”
“When I’m cold in my fucking grave! You’re out of your bloody mind!”
And maybe I was because the fact that I’m going out with Evie means there’s no telling what tomorrow night will have in store for me.