Page 6

BENNIE

Sin closed her boutique over lunch so she could come over, and she had come just in time before we got the pizzas we ordered thirty minutes ago.

I hugged her before she went over to Dad to give him a hug as well, and he kissed her on the head. “Good to see you, Sinclair.”

“You too, Connor. How was your weekend?” she asked.

We all sat down at the round table and opened our pizza boxes, and while we started eating, Dad told her about his ride out with the club.

“Sounds like you’ve really found something you love doing. I mean, you’re a great tailor, but everyone needs a hobby outside of work.”

“You’re right about that. And I intend on keeping up with that hobby. Makes me happy,” Dad told her. “Bennie told me your little girl had a birthday last Saturday. How’s she doing?”

“Oh, she’s wonderful. She’s so active during the day which tires her out every night. She’s been sleeping like an angel lately.”

“Sounds like a dream,” Dad said, shooting an amused glance in my direction. “Sounds like one of my babies.”

Dad always used to tell the stories of how sweet I was as a kid. How obedient and kind I was the older I got. He saw me as his angel, and that was why he couldn’t understand why I got cancer. He knew he did nothing wrong in the way he raised me, and me getting sick hit him almost as hard as it hit me.

Still, I was a fighter, and I got most of that strength from him. His support and love was what got me through, and without him, I couldn’t have done it.

I smiled at him and reached out my hand to squeeze his arm gently. “I’m still your baby, Dad. Even if I’m an adult. I’ll always be around.”

“And I’m glad about that. At least one of my daughters keeps me in their lives. Haven’t heard from your sister in months.”

My older sister was…a mess.

I loved her, but she was all over the place. She was older than me by fifteen years, and it had always been clear that she didn’t like the idea of our parents having another baby. She had always been their only child, until I was born, and since then, she turned into a brat. She became annoyed with everything our parents did, and because she was a teenager back then, she started to rage against our parents at any possible moment.

She didn’t listen, argued with them, and basically did everything our parents told her not to do. She became difficult, and when I was old enough to understand that, I had thought I had been at fault for her behavior.

I decided later on that it was no one’s fault, and the more time passed, the more we got along. I loved my sister, but she did keep her distance from us, especially now that she had a husband.

“I’m sure she’s just busy, Dad,” I told him with a tight smile.

“Doesn’t matter what she is. A simple text telling me that she’s okay is all I need. Anyway, Let’s not talk about your sister. Only makes me moody.”

We quickly changed the subject, and we somehow ended up talking about that hot priest Sin introduced me to. Joska had been on my mind the past two days, and while he intrigued me, and definitely made something in me flutter, I was still unsure if texting him was a good idea.

“So he’s a priest?” Dad asked Sin after she had told him a little more about Tabor’s brother.

“Yes, at the St. Augustine’s Church here in town.”

“And your intention was to have him meet Bennie to potentially date her?”

“No, my intention was for them to talk. I know Bennie has had some worries about her faith, and so I figured they could maybe talk. And they did talk on Saturday,” Sin explained to Dad.

“Ah.” He looked at me with a raised brow. “And did he restore your faith?”

I pursed my lips and shook my head. “Not really. I mean, it was a strange conversation. It felt like I had made him question his own faith after we were done talking.”

“Damn. What did you tell him?” Dad looked amused. He didn’t care much about churches and religion anymore. He wasn’t one to talk badly about a person for being religious, because he had been one of them before, but he didn’t bother with all of that anymore.

“I just told him about my situation. That I wasn’t so sure I could trust God again not to make me sick again. You know, things like that.”

“And what did he say to that?”

“He said he wasn’t so sure I could trust God in that sense again either.” Saying that out loud finally made me realize that even priests weren’t always sure of their beliefs.

Dad laughed out loud. “That’s just perfect. Can’t imagine someone like that being a priest. Sure he is one?” he asked Sin.

She puckered her lips to hold back a grin. Sin wasn’t religious. Never had been, but she was still supportive and she would never judge anyone based on a person’s religion. Still, it wasn’t easy to defend Joska in this situation.

“He’s been a priest for more than half of his life. But…” She stopped, side-eyeing me with an unsure expression on her face.

“But what? You did that on Saturday too. You were going to say something but then you stopped. What is it?” I needed her to tell me. She knew something, but she clearly didn’t want to tell me. But what was so bad that she couldn’t tell me?

“Nothing. I guess I’m just questioning Joska myself,” she said with a nervous laugh.

There was more to that, but I decided not to squeeze it out of her with Dad in the room.

“Don’t worry about it too much, sweetheart. It’s normal to question your beliefs. I did it, and ever since, I’ve never been happier with my life.”

“You mean that I should just stop believing in God?”

Dad got up from the table and looked down at me with a shake of his head. “I’m just saying that you can believe in whatever you want. God, the church, a tree, King Kong. In the end, life is life. You never know what happens, and there can’t be a God directing your life because you’ll never be happy with it anyway. You have to direct your own life. You’ve been through more shit in your twenty-five years of life than most people my age have, and the only one who’s truly helped getting you out of all that was you. By fighting like a badass.”

I get what he was saying, and he had a point.

But it was hard to let go of something that was in my life all these years.

I took a deep breath and lowered my gaze to my hands, unsure what to say.

Dad leaned in to kiss the top of my head, with his hand cupping my neck. “I love you, kid. Know that. And if you ever want to talk, I’m right here.”

“I know. Love you too, Dad.” I gave him a hug, and once I let go, he went on to get rid of the empty pizza boxes.

Sin and I got up as well, and I smiled while she said bye to Dad. “See you around, Connor. Have a good day.”

“You too, Sin.”

I walked to the front of the store with Sin, and I stopped her before she could get out of the door. “What are you not telling me, Sin?” I asked.

She studied me closely, probably wondering if I was ready to hear whatever secret she was hiding. “I don’t want to ruin this thing with Joska for you. I know your intention is probably not to start dating him, but if you still want to talk to him about your religion, I don’t think I should tell you about his personal life.”

Interesting…

I pursed my lips and started to nod slowly. I understood what she was saying, and she was clearly trying to protect me from something.

“He’s still a good man, right? He’s not like, you know…”

She smiled gently and took my hands, squeezing them gently. “No, he’s definitely not like him. I would’ve never let you meet him otherwise.”

I couldn’t be around a man who was like my ex. Not after that relationship I had with him that made me feel like I wasn’t worth anything.

I breathed in and smiled, pulling her into a hug. “I’ll have to do some thinking. I think I just need time.”

“Take all the time you need. I’m here if you need any advice, okay?”

“Thank you, Sin. You’re the best.” I squeezed her tight once more before letting go of her, and once she was out the door, I let out a breath, wanting to focus on work for the rest of the day.

That turned out to be hard, because I kept thinking about the possible things Sin was hiding from me about Joska.

I was curious, and also intrigued by who Joska really was.

***

Dad drove me home after we closed the shop around five-thirty, and the first thing I did when I got home was take a hot shower. I hadn’t been very hungry because of the pizza I ate at lunch, so after getting out of the shower and putting on my comfy pajamas, I cut up an apple and peeled two clementines before sitting down on the couch.

I put on the show I had been binging for the past two weeks, and while I was focused on the story on the screen, I couldn’t help but keep looking at the business card Joska had given me. I had put it on the coffee table when I got home on Saturday after the party, and it stayed there ever since.

My gaze kept dropping to the card, and every time, I felt my heart skip the smallest beat. It wasn’t fair that a man I had met and talked to once in my life had such an impact on me. I didn’t want him to be more than just a priest I talked to, but I was too curious about him.

Sighing, I shook my head and ignored the card. I had to. I was stronger than that to just give into something that excited me so much.

It was tempting to get to know Joska, but I needed to take it slow.

Yes, slow sounds good.