Page 18

BENNIE

Joska was standing in front of a mirror in the small preparation room behind the altar, and I stood by the door we entered from, watching him closely as he adjusted his white clerical collar. I had been in a room like this before as a kid, where priests had their garments and where they prepared for Mass, but never had I been present when the priest actually got ready.

He had asked me five times this morning if I was sure about going with him, and I told him yes five times. I was convinced that I would’ve been upset about not going, but I was extremely nervous. Mostly because I hadn’t been to church in a while and wasn’t so sure how I would react to hearing Joska preach about God.

Joska looked at me through the mirror, and I smiled at him with a tilt of my head. “You look handsome.”

He chuckled and turned to me, with a smirk. “Yeah? Would you walk around with me if I wore this outside of church?”

I scrunched up my nose and studied him from head to toe. “Maybe not. But you’re definitely the hottest priest I’ve ever seen.”

He laughed and walked over to me. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me to him, and I lifted my arms to wrap them around his neck. “That’s a compliment I’ll remember. You look nervous. Sure you want to sit out there and watch me preach?”

“Yes, I do. We’re a thing now, right? So…I kinda have to watch you be a priest at least once.”

His lips curled into a smirk. “A thing, huh? Is that how people label relationships now?”

I laughed softly. “I would use the term boyfriend, but that’s such a high school way to say it.”

“What do you want to call me?”

I thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. “I don’t know. I just want to call you mine.”

Joska grinned, his hands moving down to my ass to cup it. “I like how that sounds. I’ll call you mine too.” He leaned in and kissed me as a smile spread across my lips. As weird as it should’ve been, I was totally into kissing him wearing his priest attire. It should’ve felt wrong, but it didn’t.

It was thrilling, exciting.

The church bells started ringing, announcing that Mass would soon start. Joska broke the kiss and looked at me lovingly. “I hate to kick you out, but if you want to get a good seat out there, you need to go now. The front rows are probably already occupied.”

“What, by your super fans?” I teased with a grin.

“Damn right.” He winked, and I laughed with a roll of my eyes.

“I want to sit in the back anyway. I don’t feel like joining the hymns either. I’m not exactly feeling…connected lately.”

Joska’s expression softened. He placed a hand on my arm and caressed it gently. “That’s okay. Don’t feel pressured.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek, then he nodded toward the door. “Go. Get yourself a good seat.”

I smiled at him before I left the room to head into the church.

I walked down a narrow hallway and exited through heavy curtains right by the altar’s stairs. I looked at all the people already sitting there, quietly talking to each other. No one had noticed me coming from the back, which I figured was a good thing.

Once I found a good place to sit, I took a deep breath and intertwined my fingers in my lap as I looked to the altar. It had been a while since I went to church, and in a way, I felt like a stranger. My relationship to God had changed, but I knew He couldn’t be mad at me for needing time. I had been through a lot, and ultimately, I was here to see if I was still in need of a higher power watching over me.

I watched Joska as he walked onto the altar, movements precise. This was a side of him I had never seen before. Still, it was the same man I shared deep late-night talks and hot moments with. I couldn’t hide a smile as I watched him up there, admired by all these people in the church.

If only all of you knew I had sex with that priest just last night…

When he began to speak, his voice carried a soothing authority. He preached about love and forgiveness, and I tried to use his words to understand my current feelings. It was clear to me that Joska was including stories from scripture that fit my situation. He was talking to everyone, but he intentionally talked about things that affected me.

It made me feel special, but the deeper his words went, the more overwhelmed I felt.

Mass continued, and I found myself relaxing as Joska moved through the familiar rituals. His presence up there was magnetic, blending charisma with a calm sincerity that made it impossible not to pay attention. Watching him, I realized I wasn’t the only one who admired him deeply.

The only difference was, he only adored me back.

People began to get up after the final hymn, but I stayed in my seat. I had no reason to rush. I watched Joska as he shook hands with people near the altar, exchanging kind words and blessings. His face lit up with genuine warmth as he connected with each of them. He was truly a good man, despite all the darkness he hid from them.

That’s what made him so exciting to me.

When the crowd had cleared, he caught my eye and nodded me to him.

I got up and walked down the aisle to meet him by the altar, and once I got to him, he took my hands and lifted them to his lips to kiss my fingers. “Did you survive it?” he asked softly as he lowered my hands again.

I gave a small laugh. “Barely. You’re a pretty great preacher, though. I can see why people come back every Sunday.”

“I’m glad you came today. It means a lot to me that you stayed and saw this side of me.”

“Of course. And…I needed to hear what you said.” I glanced at him, feeling the weight of what I was about to admit. “But I fear it made me realize where I stand with God now.”

Joska nodded, his brows furrowing. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Although we were in the right place for that, I didn’t want to talk about it just yet. “Not now,” I said, smiling at him.

“Okay. Just know that faith isn’t a straight line. It’s okay to question, to step back and reevaluate. God isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I.” He squeezed my hands and pulled me closer. “You don’t have to figure it all out today, Bennie.”

The warmth of his arms around me grounded me. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms around him tightly. “Thank you, Joska. For wanting to help and for being there for me.”

“Of course. Nothing I’d rather do. Although…” he cut himself off with a chuckle. “There is one thing I’ve been thinking about doing since I stepped onto the altar earlier.”

I pursed my lips and looked up at him. “What is it?”

He lifted his hands and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head back as his eyes wandered all over my face. “I’ve had this fun vision of us…fucking on this altar.”

My eyes went wide and my lips parted. I choked on my words when I tried to speak, surprised by his idea. “W-what?”

“You heard me, sweetheart. I want to fuck you. Right up there.”

A nervous laugh came out of me. “You’re joking, right? What about…God?”

“What about him?”

“You…we—” Another laugh escaped me, shaking my head. “You just preached on that altar to about a hundred people.”

“I sure did. And now I want to fuck you on it.” He wasn’t joking. He was being dead-serious.

My heart was racing, and I looked around, unsure if a church was the right place to have sex in. Even if it excited me, I didn’t want to get caught—or have him get caught.

“What if someone comes in? The doors aren’t locked.”

He moved his hands down to my waist, pulling me closer again before cupping my ass. “That adds to the thrill of it. Besides…everyone’s eating lunch now. Nobody will come back in. Trust me on that.”

I did trust him, but I didn’t trust others.

I studied him closely, unsure if I should give in to him.

Narrowing my eyes, I looked at him with a serious expression. “If we get caught, it won’t be my fault if you get fired from this job.”

He chuckled, smirking down at me mischievously. “And if we don’t get caught…we’ll do it again next Sunday.”

JOSKA

I had gotten rid of my vestments before I lifted her up onto the table and moved between her legs while she rested her hands on my shoulders. She was looking around, unsure about all of this. But I knew she wasn’t going to stop this from happening.

She was curious to know what it would be like to be this reckless, especially in a church. She wanted to see how far she could go.

Her gaze lingered on the large crucifix on the wall behind me, and I watched her closely as many emotions flashed through her eyes. “He’ll be watching.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Guess so.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?”

I shrugged. “I’ve always been into exhibitionism.”

She tilted her head back laughing, and when her eyes met mine, she said, “You’re crazy.” Her hands moved into my hair as she took a deep breath.

She looked nervous now.

“Are you sure nobody will be coming in?”

No, I wasn’t sure. But it would be odd to have a person walk in here at this time of day. “Nobody will see. Besides…” I nodded my head back to hint at Jesus on the cross.

She looked at the crucifix again and muttered, “I’m going to hell.”

I chuckled and pulled her tighter against me. I’d be right there with her. Unless the Lord would be forgiving. And in Bennie’s case, he should be very forgiving after all the shit she was put through in her past.

I took her mouth and kissed her gently until she relaxed and melted into me. I took it slow, wanting to make this as good as possible for her.

I broke the kiss after a while and trailed kisses down her neck, tasting her sweet skin. “Are you sore from last night?”

“No,” she breathed, tilting her head to the side to give me better access. “But…”

“What, baby?” I lifted my head to look at her worried expression.

“Did you bring a condom?”

I admired how consistent and stubborn she was about this. How she protected her body. It didn’t bother me fucking with a condom, and if this was how she would always want to have sex, then so be it. I wouldn’t try to change her mind. Wouldn’t force her to just let me fuck her bare.

This was her choice, and I respected it.

“Yeah, right here.” I reached into my jeans’ back pocket and pulled out the foil wrapper, showing it to her.

She took it from my hand and smiled at me. “I want to put it on you.”

“Go for it.” I took a small step back and unbuttoned my pants to push them down my hips, followed by my boxers. After quickly rubbing my dick, I looked down at her hands as she ripped open the foil and placed the condom on my tip before slowly sliding it down my length.

She had a proud smile on her lips once she was done.

I kissed her cheek when she looked up. “Sweet girl. My girl.”

I took her mouth again, and after pulling down her tights and panties, I pushed up her skirt and moved closer so I could run my tip through her folds. She was wet, needy, and ready for me.

Lifting one of her legs up and hooking my arm around it, I finally thrusted into her. I took it slow at first, but after a while, I moved faster.

“Fuuuck,” I murmured, burying my face into the side of her neck.

She kept moaning, but now that she had a better sight at the crucifix behind me, I felt her body tense.

“Ignore it. Don’t think about where we are. Think about who you’re with.” Her nails dug into my neck as I fucked her harder. “You’re with me, baby. Only me, and I’m making you feel this good.”

“Oh, Joska!” Her cries got louder, and she moved her hips to meet my thrusts. “Harder!”

I continued and took her mouth again, plunging my tongue inside to taste more of her. As much as I tried to focus on only her, I couldn’t help getting flashbacks of all the other women I had sex with in a damn church. None of those memories were worth thinking about though because Bennie was the only one I had feelings for while crossing this line.

She was the only one that mattered. She was my past, my present, and my future.

Her body started shaking, and I broke the kiss again to look at her face as she orgasmed. I loved watching her come. Loved seeing all those emotions wash over her face. And as I kept pumping into her, I helped her reach that climax, letting her ride it out for as long as she needed to before it was my turn.

I wanted her to have everything.

As controlling as I could be, I didn’t want to control her. Or her body.

I wanted her to feel free and loved.

And to feel fulfilled in any way possible at any given time of her life.