Page 20

JOSKA

I wanted to give Alexis a chance, despite her being extremely rude toward Bennie.

She barely looked at her baby sister, rarely spoke to her, and when Bennie asked her a question, she often completely ignored her until Connor repeated the question. Connor was being very patient with Alexis, but I could tell how strongly he wanted to lecture her on her rude behavior.

I was certain that Connor was holding back his anger to not upset Bennie, but if he wasn’t going to say anything soon, I would.

I squeezed Bennie’s hand under the table and smiled at her as her eyes met mine. The sadness in her gaze broke my damn heart. She had been so polite toward her sister, and it pained me to see her so upset about the way her sister treated her.

“I love you,” I mouthed, needing to make her feel better.

Her smile brightened just slightly. “I love you,” she mouthed back, giving my hand a squeeze back.

“So, you’re a priest,” Alexis said, interrupted the sweet moment I had with Bennie.

I looked at her and nodded. “Yes, I am,” I replied with a tight smile. “And what do you do?”

She raised a brow at me as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table, and her chin on her hands. Before even opening her mouth, I knew she wouldn’t be answering my question. She had a mischievous look in her eyes. A look I didn’t like one bit.

“You look very familiar,” she said, pursing her red lips. “I think we’ve met before.”

“Maybe you’ve come to Mass one Sunday.”

“No…definitely not. I don’t believe in God.”

Fair enough.

I gave her a tight smile and shrugged. “You probably saw me around town somewhere then.”

“No, that’s not it.” Her voice was challenging, and her eyes turned dark when she looked at Bennie.

I feared the worst and pulled her hand into my lap to hold it tightly.

“Say, Bennie…did he fuck you on the altar?”

“Alexis!” Connor’s voice was harsh.

“What? I’m just asking. It might spark something in his brain that will make him remember.” She looked at me again. Her grin made me uncomfortable, and Bennie too. She was all tense.

“What are you talking about?” Bennie asked with a shaky breath.

“Why don’t you ask your boyfriend? He’s been hiding something from you. I know he remembers me.”

I frowned. She was messing with me.

And she was making everyone angry.

“Stop that, Alexis,” Connor warned, glaring at her.

“Hiding what?” Bennie asked, her eyes wide and filled with confusion.

“Tell her,” Alexis urged. “Tell her that she’s not the first girl you fucked on an altar.”

“Alexis, that’s enough!” Connor slammed his hand onto the table, showing her just how angry her was. “It’s not normal that you have to ruin every single fucking thing we do as a family. I told you to behave!”

I had never seen Connor like this. He had always been very composed and calm, but the way Alexis acted finally made him erupt.

“I’m not a dog, Dad. You can’t just order me to behave.”

“Apparently, I have to. Your behavior is getting worse the older you get, and I can’t keep watching you become this ugly person. I did not raise you to be like this.”

“No? Apparently you did!”

“Stop!” Bennie’s voice was shaky, and her hand squeezed mine ever harder. “What is she saying?”

She was asking me.

I furrowed my brows and looked at her with a shake of my head, telling her that I had no idea what Alexis was trying to say. But when I looked at her again, a faint memory appeared in my head.

“There it is,” she said with a smirk. “You remember, don’t you? It’s been a while. Fifteen years, I believe. It was your birthday. You just turned thirty and you were celebrating all alone at the club.”

They were all looking at me. The strangest, most uncomfortable feeling washed over me. There’s no way…

“Oh, don’t look at him like that. You couldn’t possibly think that he was a saint? Priest or not, you got yourself a real asshole wrapped in a collar and robe, hiding behind prayers he doesn’t even believe in.”

“I don’t understand…” Bennie looked at me with a deep frown between her brows. “You had sex with my sister?”

“I—”

“Not just me. Poppy too. We had a threesome. It was fun.”

“Goddammit, Alexis!” Connor hit his fist on the table again. “That’s enough!”

“It’s in the past,” I added, trying to make a point. But I knew that wouldn’t be enough. Bennie was upset, and this time, I had no idea how I’d make things right again.

“Excuse me.” Bennie stood up from the table and walked out of the dining room, wiping away tears.

“You can leave.” I feared Connor’s words were directed at me, but when I looked at him, I saw him glaring at Alexis. “Go. Think about what you’ve done tonight and don’t come back unless you want to apologize to your sister.”

“How am I the asshole here? He fucked me fifteen years ago, and now he’s fucking her. He’s playing with her! I’m trying to be protective here.”

“I’m not playing with her.” I had to justify myself. I wasn’t going to let her ruin my relationship. “I’m in love with Bennie, and whatever we did fifteen years ago was clearly nothing but a hookup. I couldn’t even remember your face. That should’ve told you enough.”

I was being rude now, but I thought it was necessary.

Connor seemed to agree. “Leave, Alexis. And clean up your act.”

She clenched her jaw as she pushed herself away from the table. Standing up, she emptied her wine glass and slammed it back onto the table before glaring and pointing at Connor. “You always protect her. Ever thought about the fact that you might’ve been the one who made me become this way?”

With one last glance in my direction, she left the room and excited through the front door, slamming it shut behind her.

Connor ran his hands through his hair. “What an embarrassment,” he muttered.

“It’s not your fault, Connor. I’m sorry I was the reason why she started all that. I swear I did not remember her.”

He looked at me and shook his head. “I believe you. It’s been years. You should go talk to Bennie.”

I nodded. “I will.”

“And don’t you worry. She’s not upset because of you. It’s her sister’s fault. She’s never been very kind to her. Even when she got sick.” He reached out his hand and patted my shoulder. “Go.”

Connor was a good man.

He needed some time to warm up to me, but I was glad he saw me for who I was, and not for the asshole I used to be. Although, even back then, I was always very respectful and clear with women. I never made any empty promises.

“Thanks, Connor.”

I got up and headed upstairs to find Bennie. Her bedroom door was closed, and I took a deep breath before knocking softly and letting myself in. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, with her hands in her lap, picking at the skin around her nails.

“Hey,” I said gently.

She didn’t look up, but her lips curled up ever so slightly. “Hi.”

“That was something, hm?”

“Yeah. But…I warned you. I told you my sister was crazy.”

I sat down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to me. “You did warn me.” I waited a moment, before I continued with, “I know it’s messed up, but I truly didn’t remember her. It’s been so long, and I normally don’t remember girls I slept with. It was a one-night-stand. I just wanted you to know that.”

“I know. I’m not upset about that. Though…it is a bit weird knowing you had sex with my sister before.” She looked up at me and smiled tightly. “You’re not the reason why I’m crying.”

I placed my right hand on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. “I’m glad. I’m still sorry. I can’t imagine how you feel.”

“It’s okay. I just wished Alexis was different. Nicer. Kinder. I think if things would’ve been different, she would’ve been different too.”

“What kind of things?”

She shrugged. “Me being sick. Maybe if I never had cancer, Alexis wouldn’t have become like this. Maybe then…she wouldn’t have felt so left out.”

“How old was Alexis the first time you got sick?”

“Twenty. I was eight.”

“I see. And how has she reacted the first time you got diagnose?”

Bennie shrugged. “I think the first time she was worried. But then…the more time I spent at the hospital, the less time Dad spent time with her. And that’s when it all started. That’s when she became distant. She was in college, so I know she had other things that needed her attention.”

I pulled her closer, letting her lean into my chest as she sighed. Her fingers intertwined with mine in her lap, her grip tight.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” I said softly. “You didn’t ask to get sick.”

“I know,” she murmured. “But sometimes it feels like everything that went wrong with our family started with me. And Alexis never forgave me for it.”

I turned my head to look down at her and our gazes met. “She made her own choices, Bennie. You didn’t turn her into that person. She did that all on her own.”

Her lips trembled again. “You really think so?”

“I know so. And I think she knows it too, deep down. But she doesn’t want to face it.”

Bennie let out a soft laugh, wiping her eyes. “Maybe. Or maybe she just hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” I said firmly. “She’s angry. And bitter. But hate? No. That would means she doesn’t care at all. And if that were true, she wouldn’t have come tonight just to stir up trouble.”

She looked back down to our hands. “You think she’ll ever change?”

“I think she could. But only if she wants to. And right now, I don’t think she does.”

There was silence around us for a few moments before Bennie spoke again. “It’s just hard to let go, you know? She used to be my hero when I was little. I thought she was the coolest person. She was so strong and fun. And now…it’s like she’s a completely different person.”

I squeezed her hand. “People change, Bennie. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop loving them. It just means you have to protect yourself.”

She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine. “How do I do that?”

I smiled softly. “By surrounding yourself with people who love you the way you deserve to be loved. And by remembering that no matter what Alexis says or does, it doesn’t define you.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. You’re right.”

“I usually am,” I teased, earning a small laugh from her. It was a good sound. A healing sound.

We said like that for a while, holding each other until the weight of this evening’s events washed away.

Eventually, I felt her breathing steady, her body relaxing against mine. “I love you, Joska.”

“I love you too, Bennie.”

As we sat there, I silently promised myself that no matter what happened next, I would protect her. From Alexis. From her past. From anything that threatened to steal her peace.

Because she deserved happiness. And I was going to make sure she got it.

BENNIE

I got lucky.

Joska was truly amazing, and whenever I doubted myself or didn’t find a way out of a situation, he was there to help me. He always found the right words to say, and he always made sure that I felt okay.

I had been anxious all day today because I knew Alexis would make a scene, but Joska took that anxiety from me quickly.

We stayed in my childhood bedroom for a while, but I needed to go downstairs to make sure Dad was okay. He wasn’t happy with Alexis behavior. “I want to go talk to Dad,” I told Joska, turning more toward him.

He nodded and brushed back my hair, then cupped my face with his hands. “Do you want to be alone with him for a moment?”

“No, I want you there.” I smiled at him and kissed his cheek before getting up from the bed. I reached down to take his hand. “Come.”

“Okay.” He got up and I led him downstairs to find Dad sit on the couch with his face in his hands.

I looked at Joska, and he gave me a small nod. “Go,” he whispered. “I’ll be right here.”

I watched him sit down on the recliner before I walked around the couch Dad was sitting on. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder as I sat down next to him. “Daddy, are you okay?”

He looked at me with a sigh, smiling tightly as his eyes met mine. “Sorry, darling. I just needed a moment to think. Are you feeling okay?” he asked, tugging me closer to his side.

“I’m feeling better. You?”

I was worried about him. Dad was always so protective over me, and whenever I hurt, he hurt too. I could tell he was holding back tears, and it broke my heart.

“I just don’t understand why she does this,” he muttered. “I tried so hard to be there for both of you. When you were sick, Bennie, I didn’t know what else to do but focus on keeping you alive. Maybe I neglected her, but I never stopped loving her.”

“You didn’t neglect her, Dad. She pushed herself away from you. And I’m certain that she knows that. I think she’s just hurting, and she lets it out on us.”

“I still feel like I failed as a father.”

“You didn’t fail. You did your best. You kept loving her through all of it. It’s not your fault she behaved this way.” I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. “Please don’t blame yourself for this. You’ve been the best dad anyone could ever wish for.”

“But only one of my daughters appreciate me.” His voice was low. Trembling. The last time I had heard his voice be filled with this much pain was when I was sick. I hated it, and it broke me.

“I know deep down she appreciates and loves you. She just needs time.”

He nodded, but the sadness in his eyes lingered. “I just wanted her to be better than this. For you. For herself. I wanted her to be someone you could lean on, not someone who tears you down.”

I moved back slightly to look at him. “Maybe one day, she will be better. But for now, we have each other. And I have Joska. That’s more than enough.”

He took a deep breath and smiled before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Good. And I know he’s a good man. I trust him to take good care of you, but if he does hurt you, I will murder him.”

“Fair enough.” Joska laughed. He grinned at us, knowing Dad was only joking. “But you don’t have nothing to worry about, Connor. I’ll protect and love her with everything I have.”

I smiled at him before turning to Dad again. “I love you, Dad. Thank you for everything.”

He pulled me into a tight hug, and I let him hold me the way he so often did when I was little. “Love you too, Bennie.”

As we sat there, with our arms around each other, I knew we would be okay. Alexis might have caused chaos, but it wouldn’t break us.

And maybe one day, she’d come back being the big sister I had before I got sick the first time.