Page 68 of Lumi

If I could overcome my general cynicism and mistrust of men, then maybe I could finally find a boyfriend with whom I could have incredible sex in the night and do ordinary things as a couple during the day, like shopping and cooking together.

My emotions were all over the place with love for Damian for showing me what I needed, and sadness that his interest in me was limited.

“How come ye’re so quiet?” Damian asked when we walked up to his apartment on the third floor.

“It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”

“Huh.” Damian unlocked his door and pushed inside with two grocery bags and his weekend bag.

In my free hand, I was holding a small suitcase with my clothes and belongings.

“Make yerself at home, princess.”

“Thank you.”

I set down the suitcase and followed Damian to the kitchen, where he began unpacking the groceries while making small talk.

Again, I was mostly quiet, as my eyes took in his kitchen with the colorful framed poster art of U2, the band that Damian loved.

His style was eclectic, with no particular theme. He didn’t have expensive art on his walls, but rather posters from concerts or cities that he’d been to, reminding him of a special time in his life. I knew Damian liked the slightly messy condition of his home because he always teased that my place was like a museum. It wasn’t, but I did make it a habit never to leave used plates and glasses standing around, and my books had shelves to store them whereas Damian seemed to think any surface was fit for a pile of magazines or books.

When he closed his fridge, a small photo caught my eye, and without thinking, I stepped closer.

“Is this new?”

He followed my eyes and nodded while I stared at the picture of the grave, my throat tightening again as my mind wandered back to a dark time in our shared story.

February – Eight and a Half Years Ago

“It’s me!” I called out as I entered Liv’s and Charles’ house.

I hadn’t lived here since I was eighteen, but I still came by at least twice a week.

“Hey, Lumi, we’re in the kitchen,” Liv called back to me, and with a big smile, I shrugged out of my jacket and stepped out of my boots.

“I brought you the most amazing book. You’ll love…” My words stopped as I entered the kitchen and saw Liv and Damian. They were sitting in the nook — him with his head down and the heels of his hands to his eyes, and Liv with her hand to his back.

Liv was wearing a knitted jumper, jeans, and a minimum of make-up. “There’s water in the kettle if you want some tea,” she told me with a soft smile.

I hadn’t spoken to Damian since his wedding almost three months ago. Seeing him made my heart hammer, and my shoulders tense up. “Maybe I should come back another time.”

“No, it’s fine. I think Damian could use all his friends right now.”

I swallowed hard because, as far as I was concerned, my friendship with Damian was over.

“How about I go and make that call?” Liv said to Damian. “Have a cup of tea with Lumi, and then I’ll be right back.”

I wanted to tell Liv not to leave, but she moved past me with a quick squeeze of my wrist, and a whisper that she would try and contact our family counselor to set up an appointment.

After she left, I stood frozen in the kitchen with the man I both loved and hated sitting not far from me.

Damian was the reason I had missed Nathan’s birthday a few weeks back, and I would have never stopped by today if I’d known he’d be here.

I stared at him as Damian looked up from his hunched-over position, his eyes red and swollen with pools of tears. It shocked me that he looked five years older than when I last saw him.

“Damian,” I whispered. “What happened?”

A sob escaped him as he reached his arms out to me. Not even my wounded pride or broken heart could hold me back from rushing to his side and closing my arms around him. Squeezing me tight, Damian pulled me down on his lap and held on to me like I was the antidote to whatever had him in tears.