Page 35

Chapter 34

YOU CAN HATE ME TOMORROW

T he heavens opened on the way back, rendering the trek from the other side of the complex to ours even more arduous than it already was. Not that Araz complained. In fact, he didn’t say a word as he carried me effortlessly through the woodland and onto the road leading to the complex.

The rakshasa had planned to leave my dead body close enough to the native demigod barracks to implicate them in my murder just like they’d done for Devi.

I had to hope Prem was okay. He’d managed to get up and run, so I hoped he wasn’t too hurt. My mind drifted back to the present, to the fact that I was in Araz’s arms where it felt like home. I shouldn’t enjoy this, because any minute now, he would say something awful, and my heart would fracture a little more.

So no. I would not revel in this moment .

I laid my cheek against his chest, allowing him to shield me a little from the rain, then remembered he was butt naked.

“Shit, Araz, you’re going to catch a chill.”

He slow-blinked down at me, and then his skin bloomed a reddish color, and his body got hotter so that the rain turned to steam as it hit him.

I should be burning up. “Why isn’t your heat burning me?”

“Because you’re mine…” He blinked sharply. “The bond,” he corrected. “It allows you to withstand my fire. It can’t hurt you.”

I relaxed against him and closed my eyes.

“Leela?”

“Huh?”

We were back in our room.

“I’m sorry. Did I fall asleep?”

“It’s understandable. You’re still recovering from the poison. You need rest.” He lowered me onto the bed, and I quickly averted my eyes from his man bits. “I must report this attack to Guru Mihir so that the Authority can be alerted.” He strode to the bathroom and returned with a towel, which he handed to me. Then across to the wardrobe, where he pulled out clothes, dressing in quick, economic movements.

“Who are the Authority?”

“Those in charge. Stay inside the room. I’ll let Dipika know what’s happened. She’ll keep watch to make sure no non-residents enter the barracks. ”

“Wait, can you make sure Prem’s okay? He’s just a boy…”

He gave a jerky nod and left, closing the door firmly behind him.

I was tempted to crawl into bed with wet hair, but I’d done enough damage to my locks the past few days, so I dried them the best I could and sat on the desk chair. I didn’t want to fall asleep.

I wanted to see Araz when he returned.

Minutes dragged by, and my eyelids began to droop. I relented and changed into my sleep shirt and pants, then climbed into bed. I’d close my eyes for a moment.

Just a moment.

Fire scorched the earth and danced in the air. The coppery tang of blood sat on my tongue, and my hands ached where they gripped the hilts of my axe. Demigods fought around me against an army of revenants that refused to stop coming.

Wave upon wave. Relentless. Unstoppable.

Dharma, a titan with wings and a blade that gleamed, battled two beasts to my right. But a third was behind her, and she didn’t see it. She didn’t know. I let out a battle cry and ran toward her, but the revenant was too fast, punching a hole through Dharma’s body as if she was made of paper.

I screamed for her, again and again .

Her head lolled my way, and our gazes locked, hers filled with rage and accusation.

This is your fault , her voice said in my head. You did this.

The other two revenants grabbed an arm each and pulled her in two.

“NO!”

“No! No!”

“Leela, Leela, wake up. Wake up!” Rough hands grasped my shoulders and shook me.

I snapped awake, my heart in my throat, put there by the awful pressure rising in my chest.

“Leela, look at me.” Araz came into focus, his face etched in moonlight, drawn in lines of concern. “You were dreaming. What were you dreaming?”

“Dharma died…we…We were fighting revenants, and she… she died.” A sob bubbled up my throat and escaped because I could feel that moment as if it was still happening. The horror and impotence of it. Another sob followed the first, and I clutched at him, needing an anchor in the storm that had followed me out of my nightmare.

I clung to him, pressing my face to his chest, as the turmoil of emotions that the dreaming had churned up rushed through me.

He tensed for a moment, and the part of my brain that had sense whispered for me to release him, but another part that still lingered in the land of nod refused to listen, because this, in his arms, was safe.

His chest vibrated against me, and he relaxed, folding me in a hug and carefully adjusting me so that I was tucked against his side.

“You’re safe now,” he said into the darkness. “Nightmares cannot hurt you. Just breathe and come back to the waking world.”

I inhaled him, allowing his scent to soothe me, and eventually the remnants of the battlefield faded, leaving nothing but an echo of disquiet.

“Better?” he asked.

“If I say yes, will it mean you’ll push me away?” I sniffed and peered up at him.

He looked down at me with topaz eyes burning with emotions I couldn’t fathom.

I held my breath.

He sighed again. “Not tonight, Leela. Tonight, we will share this moment. But tomorrow…I cannot be what you need.”

“Tomorrow, you go back to avoiding me.”

His grip on me tightened a fraction. “It has to be this way.”

“Because you don’t want to be slave to a bond?”

“Do you? To not know whether your feelings are real or fabricated by mystical forces? To be forced to remain in a place you do not wish and be bound to someone you have not chosen? Do you wish this?”

“No. But it’s all I have. It’s all that’s been given to me since I was taken from my home, and you…” My stupid eyes were wet again. “You’re at the center of it. I’m not as strong as you are. I can’t just stop… feeling .”

“You think I do not feel ?” He shifted his body so that he was facing me, his face an intense mask of torment. “You think I do not ache to touch. To kiss…” He traced my lips with the tip of his finger, and my stomach flipped hard. “But it will bring nothing but pain.” His face was so close now that one tilt of my chin would allow me to taste his mouth. ”Nothing but pain if we take that path…”

My eyes slipped closed as his breath ghosted over my lips.

“For the both of us.”

I felt him there, feather light, grazing my mouth with his, and held my breath with every inch of my body, hoping, just hoping.

He let out a ragged sigh edged in frustration and pulled back. “Sleep now.”

“Here, in bed with you?”

“Tonight. Only tonight.”

But how could I sleep with his body pressed to mine, with the sluggish heat of desire moving through my veins and the pulse between my thighs throbbing eagerly? It would be torture.

Impossible.

A yawn ripped through me, and his hand slipped into my hair, massaging gently.

This was nice. So…