Page 32

Chapter 31

HEARTS ARE COMPLICATED

V oices penetrated my fevered darkness.

“She should be dead.”

“She still might die.”

“I can save her.”

Araz?

“You want to? After everything?” This one was Pashim.

“I have to.”

“Good, then while you do that, I’ll find out who the fuck tried to kill her.”

I slipped back under, into the sauna where I couldn’t breathe, where everything hurt.

“I’m here,” Blue said. “I’m with you, chickadee. You can do this. Fight it.”

Fight what? I wanted to say, but my mouth was gone.

I hurt.

Darkness swallowed the pain.

“Drink this.”

Something cool touched my lips. Water. Drenching my parched throat. Calming the fire.

“Good. A little more.”

Araz? Was this a dream? Were my eyes open? Why couldn’t I see?

A hand on my brow, soothing. “Hush. Don’t cry. I’m here.”

Fire in my blood again.

Please make it stop. It hurts. Please.

“I know, I know. Just a little longer.”

I was trapped in hell. The only reprieve was his voice and cool water. I couldn’t see, but I felt him around me. Holding me.

It was a dream.

I was dead.

This was death.

I fell.

“You did,” Blue said. “But Araz saved you. You were poisoned. But he’s burning it out of you.”

“Sleep.” Lips on my brow. “Sleep now, little mortal.”

The fire ebbed, taking the pain with it, and I finally slept.

I was in my childhood bedroom, tucked into bed, night light on and Nani sitting by my hip. “Come along now, drink up.”

I made a face at the china cup in my hand. “It’s gross. Why do I have to drink it, Nani?”

“Because it will strengthen your body and your mind.”

“And make the nightmares stop?”

“Yes, beti.”

I sniffed the herbal tea then glugged it down. Nani always made sure to get it the right temperature.

“All done.” I passed it to her, but she was no longer sitting on my bed. She stood by the window.

“It will begin soon,” she said. “The pareekshan unique to you will begin, and the path will lead you here. Do you see?”

I joined her at the window, and she pulled back my pink polka dot drapes to reveal a battlefield littered with bodies. The air was red, and a lone figure walked between the dead bodies. A woman with long, dark hair. There was an axe strapped to her back and another in her hand.

“You see, beti. It has begun, and here it will end.” She turned to me, her eyes misty with tears, and gently cupped my face. “You can stop it if you have the heart.”

“I don’t understand. Who is that woman?”

She put her arm around my shoulder and drew me close to her side as the woman beyond the window stopped and slowly turned to face us.

My heart skipped because I knew that face. Even though I was a child in this dream, I knew who the woman was.

It was me.

I surfaced to voices speaking in hushed tones.

“So, you’ve changed your mind then?” Pashim said.

“No. But I’m not a monster,” Araz replied.

“She needs her bonded drohi, the bond?—”

“Is forced. The feelings are not real?—”

“But—“

“What you feel for her is real, brother,” Araz said. “I cannot, will not, succumb to this lie. I have done my part. The rest is up to you.”

“You still hope?” Pashim said. “Why pain yourself?”

“I pain myself if I stop hoping,” Araz replied. “She’s your problem now.”

I must have breathed too loudly because they both went silent. A door opened and closed, and then a shadow fell over me.

“You’re awake,” Pashim said.

No use pretending otherwise. “What happened?”

“You were poisoned by flowers. Blue told us they were left on your doorstep.”

“Yes.” I pushed myself up on the pillows, looking for Araz, but he was gone. “They were toxic?”

“Yes. You weren’t to know.”

“Blue said they smelled odd.”

“Araz found them in the sink and put two and two together. These blooms do not grow in this domain but can be found in several others. They were brought here specifically to hurt you. If Araz hadn’t gotten to the arena in time, then you’d have been severely injured.”

“I fell from the rockface.”

“Yes, but he leapt across the aperture above the mud and caught you. If he hadn’t, then you would have been swallowed by the earth.”

“Not just mud then?”

“No. You may still have died, but he burned the toxin from your body.”

“Burned…Yes, I was burning. How?”

“It’s a gift unique to the agni drohi. One he didn’t have to use.” He gave me a pointed look.

“He could have let me die and been free of the bond.”

“Yes.” Pashim’s gaze was pinched. “He chose to save you, but it is a testament to your endurance that you were able to withstand the treatment.” Pashim sighed. “I do not know why he was intimate with another, but I believe he cares for you, despite what he may do or say.”

“He didn’t sleep with anyone else. It wasn’t him in the bed.”

He smiled, but it was a wistful smile. “Then there is hope for you yet.”

“He doesn’t want this. ”

“I know. But it is all he has, and in time, he will accept it.”

Pashim was pulling away; I could see it in his eyes. Now was the time to say something, to assure him so that I could keep him, but what right did I have to give him assurance when I wasn’t the master of my own emotions?

I didn’t want to be Araz’s consolation prize, so I had no right to make Pashim mine, because no matter what I said to the contrary, while the bond was active, if it came down to a choice between Pashim or Araz, I’d pick Araz.

I settled for a change of subject. “How long have I been out?”

I didn’t miss the disappointment that flitted across his face. I’d come to know him too well for that, and I hated myself for not being able to give him what he needed.

“Three days,” he said. “The grading will be revealed tomorrow. Do you want to attend?”

“You mean, even though I obviously failed?”

He took my hand and squeezed. “You don’t know that for certain. The ankh saw what happened; we all did. They will take that into consideration.”

“I didn’t even make it past the halfway mark. What about everyone else?”

“You can take it again in a few weeks.”

Well, that said it all.

I blinked away tears of frustration because a few more weeks took me further away from the labyrinth. It left Nani in the pishacha’s grip for longer. I’d worked my ass off, and some fucker had ruined it for me.

“I spoke to Guru Mihir,” Pashim continued, “and he has agreed it was only fair considering the circumstances.”

“The circumstances that someone tried to kill me?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, although Briella may not be popular amongst her peers, she is still part of a network of potentials who have trained together for months.”

“You think this was retaliation for hurting her? It wasn’t like I did it on purpose.”

“No, I think it’s about more than that. Your strength was revealed, remember.”

Crap. I’d failed to consider that as a factor. “Do you think they’ll try again?”

“I don’t know. But you’ll be well protected, I assure you.”

“By who? Araz made it clear he was done with me.”

Pashim winced. “You heard that?”

“Yes.”

“Then you must also have heard that he asked me to look after you, and I will.”

“You’ve done more than enough to help me already.”

“I can do more.” His sapphire gaze burned a path across my face. “Will you let me?”

My mouth was suddenly dry because I knew what he was asking for, and I couldn’t deal with this right now. “Will you take me to the grading? I want to be there to support the others.”

There it was again, the shadow of disappointment, but he covered it quickly with a smile. “Of course. I’ll have some food sent up. You haven’t eaten in days. You need to get your strength up.”

“What I need is a shower.”

“You’re too weak to stand unaided.”

“I’m fine.” I threw back the sheets, realized I had no pants on, and quickly covered myself. “Could you turn around please?”

“What if you fall?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He pursed his lips, not on board with my request, but obliged reluctantly.

I climbed off the bed and stood. My legs wobbled, and I let out a yelp as I fell.

He caught me neatly and sat me back on the bed. “I have seen naked legs before, Leela.”

“I know, I just—I feel gross, and I need to shower.”

“It’s late, and everyone is asleep. I can help you.”

My pulse stalled. “What? In the shower?”

“Yes.” He reached over his shoulder and tugged off his shirt, and my stomach flip-flopped all over the place.

“What are you doing?” My voice was a squeak.

“Making this easier for you.”

“By showing me your pecs? ”

He chuckled and twisted the shirt. “No. By covering my eyes.” He tied the shirt around his head like a blindfold, and I couldn’t help but be captivated by the play of muscle across his chest and arms. He was truly a work of art. “You can use me as a support.” He lifted the makeshift blindfold so he could see me. “Will that work?”

“You’ll get wet.”

“I can dry off,” he said. “In my own room,” he added quickly. “Will that work?” He held out his hands, and I allowed him to help me up.

If I didn’t accept his help, then I’d have to wait till tomorrow, and I felt too gross to stay like this. “Thank you.”

He helped me to the washroom and turned on the water before putting his blindfold back in place. I held on to his arm while undressing, then guided him into the shower with me, using him as a crutch.

Hot pellets beat down on me. This was bliss. I washed with one hand, using the other to hold on to him, but when I got to my hair, I faltered. How would I wash it with one hand?

“Leela? Are you all right?”

I hated my helplessness, and if my hair wasn’t so greasy, I’d leave it unwashed, but all the sweating had it sticking to my scalp. “I can’t wash my hair with one hand. I mean, I could, but it wouldn’t be a great job. Can you help? ”

“Put soap in your hair, then brace your hands on my shoulders. I’ll wash it for you.”

I obliged, then stepped closer to him, sliding my hands up his biceps and onto his powerful shoulders. His chest was wet, shoulders beaded with water, skin smooth and taut beneath my fingers. Fuck, this felt too good.

His hands raked through my hair, found my scalp, and began massaging. I bit back a moan because damn it felt good. I studied his face beneath the blindfold as he lathered me up. Angular cheekbones, chiseled chin, and lush lips, slightly pouted now in concentration as he worked on my hair.

“Take a step back,” he said.

I did so, and he came with me, his hands smoothing through my hair to rinse off the soap.

My eyes burned because no one had done something like this for me before. Back home in my world, I’d been sick once, bedridden for a week. Matt had dropped off food in between being at work, but he’d never once bothered to offer to help me bathe or shower.

“All clean.” Pashim smiled.

A rush of warm emotion had me pushing up on tiptoe to kiss him softly on the lips. I lingered a moment, breathing him in, an ache in my heart. “Thank you.” I dropped down to my soles. “I mean it.”

“It was my pleasure.” His tone was thick with emotion of its own. “Now let’s get you dry. ”

He helped me out of the shower, and I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself. “I’m covered now.”

He tugged off the blindfold and studied my hair. “I did a good job.” He tweaked a wet tendril, then scooped me up and carried me back into the bedroom, where he deposited me on the bed. “Where are your clothes?”

“Armoire.”

He began riffling through my stuff. “What’s this?” He plucked out the canvas bag of books Bhoomika had given me.

“Books. Introductory texts. I keep meaning to read them.” I’d been so caught up in preparing for the gauntlet, so tired after training, that I hadn’t bothered.

“You went to Vidya Tower?” His eyes lit up.

“Yes. And I got the impression that there are things that we’re not being told.”

He frowned. “What kind of things?”

“Like what the devouring force truly is and whether the bond between drohi and demigod can be broken, without one of them dying, of course.”

“What gave you that impression? Did the sage say something to make you suspicious?”

“It’s more what she didn’t say…It’s hard to explain. Heck, maybe I was imagining it.”

He pulled the books out, turning them over. “We aren’t permitted to read such texts. Only fiction books.” He made to put it back.

“Take them. ”

“What?”

“Read them and tell me what you find.”

He studied me warily. “You’d be breaking the rules by allowing me to read these.”

“Fuck the rules.”

He smiled, slow burn and devastating. “In that case, I’ll share a little secret… Arti would loan me books all the time. I learned a lot, and I miss having access.”

“You tell me what you want to read, and I’ll get it for you. You can start with those.”

His smile was so excited and boyish it made my heart warm.

“Thank you.” He passed me some clothes. “I’ll be back with food in a little while. Please do not try to stand in my absence.”

I gave him a mock salute, and he returned it with a look of confusion. “It’s like an affirmation. The warriors of my world do it when greeting a superior.”

“Ah, in that case.” He clasped his hands together in front of his chest then brought them down in what I assumed was a salute for his people. “I shall be back shortly.” He grabbed the bag of books and left, and I curled up on the bed in my towel.

Someone had tried to kill me. I’d failed the gauntlet. I should feel awful, but I didn’t. Because where there was life, there was hope.