Page 33

Chapter 32

YOU CAN’T FIGHT THE FEELING

A raz didn’t come back to the room that night. I ate with Pashim, and once he’d tucked me in, I was out like a light.

I woke to an urgent knocking on my door and made it across the room to open the door without falling on my face. Ravi stood outside looking shifty as hell.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

I stepped back to let him in but didn’t close the door. “What time is it?”

“Midnight. I’m sorry if I woke you. I had to see you. Make sure you were all right. They told me you were, but…” His gaze flicked over me. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t make it.”

He looked about as rough as I felt. Bloodshot eyes with smudges beneath.

“Honestly, the last few days are a blur. I probably would have died if Araz hadn’t burned the toxin from my blood.”

His throat bobbed. “Someone tried to kill you.”

“I know.” I was starting to feel woozy so shuffled back to the bed and sat down. “Believe me, I know. I’m going to have to watch my back.”

“There’s a long list of suspects, but I will sniff out the culprit.”

He was sweet. “Thanks. Any help is appreciated.”

“There you are!” Dipika appeared in the doorway. “I told you to leave, didn’t I?” She glared at Ravi.

“And I told you I wanted to check on my friend,” Ravi snapped back.

“Your friend needs her rest.” She shot me a sympathetic smile.

“I’m all right, Dipika. I don’t mind.”

“That’s kind of you, Leela, but the rules are clear: No rakshasa in demigod barracks.” She turned her attention to Ravi. “I do not want to use force to eject you.”

Ravi looked like he was about to argue, and I didn’t have the mental energy for that. “You should go, Ravi. I need to rest.”

His shoulders slumped. “Of course. I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah.”

Dipika steered him out and closed the door. I fell back onto the bed and was drifting off when the door creaked open again .

I sat up as Araz entered. He froze at the sight of me awake.

“I came to get furs.” He walked over to my makeshift bed, abandoned now that I had his.

He’d saved me from the poison, and I hadn’t had the chance to thank him properly for it.

I shoved back the covers and stood on shaky legs. “I want to thank you.”

He turned his head, offering me his profile. “Whatever for?”

“You could have let me die and you didn’t. You saved my life.”

“A mistake that won’t happen again.”

“That’s just it. I don’t think it was a mistake. I think it was just…you. I think you’re a good person. A good drohi, whatever. I don’t think you want to hurt me or kill me.”

He stalked toward me, furs in one hand, eyes narrow slits that burned with undecipherable intent. I held my ground as he stopped in front of me and wrapped one hand around my throat. “Now tell me that I’m a good drohi. Tell me that I don’t want to hurt you.”

I inhaled his cranberry scent and locked gazes with him. “I don’t think you want to hurt me.”

His grip flexed. “And now?”

I pushed the words out, staring up at him through a sheen of tears. “I don’t…think…you want to…hurt me.”

He made a sound of exasperation and shoved me away. I fell back onto the bed, and he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I crawled back under the covers with a smile that was probably a little psycho because what was there to smile about when a guy threatened to throttle you? But this was Araz, and he’d saved my life, and that…that gave me hope.

The next time I woke, it was to whisker kisses from Blue. “Leela, my chickadee, I was so worried.” Tiny tears splashed onto my cheek. “I felt you dying. I felt it, but then you were alive again.”

I gently cupped his body and hugged him to my neck. “I’m sorry, Blue. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I was here,” he sniffed. “Every day. Do you remember?”

“I do. I heard you.”

“No more flowers for you,” he said, voice muffled against my skin. He squirmed, so I released him. “Pashim is bringing breakfast, then we have to go the stone sanctum for the grading.” He hopped onto the pillow and peered at me, head canted. “You don’t have ta go. We can skip it. We can stay here and snuggle.”

“I love snuggles with you, but I want to be there. I want to celebrate my friends’ successes.” I sat up and attempted to comb my fingers through my hair, but it was snaggy and tangled, the way it got when I went to sleep with it wet. “Do you know who made it across the gauntlet?”

“Dharma did. No idea on the rest. I was too worried about you.” He wrung his hands. “What’s the point of me, eh? What’s the point if I can’t protect ya?”

“Oh, Blue, I don’t think you’re supposed to protect me.”

“Then what? What am I even good for?” He hung his tiny head.

I put my palm on the bed for him to step on to and raised him so that he was eye level. “You, little man, are my heart. You make me happy. You make me smile and laugh. You’re my morale, and that, little Blue, is vital.”

“Really?”

This was the first time I’d seen him insecure, and it tore at my heart strings. “Oh Blue, you have no idea how much you’ve helped me simply by existing. I’d be lost without you.”

He sniffed and wiped at his nose. “Yeah, well, course you would be.” He lifted his chin. “Now let’s do something ‘bout your hair. You look like you been dragged backwards through a hedge.”

And he was back.

The potentials and their anchors and drohi were already at the stone sanctum when I got there. Umbra stood by the small stones that surrounded the larger stone that was Eben. Guru Mahir and Chandra stood beside her.

I spotted Araz in the shadows by the second exit, but he didn’t look my way, even though I was certain he saw me.

I could feel it through the connection we had.

The connection I didn’t want.

My grip on Pashim’s arm tightened.

“Do you need me to carry you?” he whispered.

But all eyes were now on me. On the woman who’d fallen off the rockface in the middle of her first important test. My cheeks burned because this was so fucking embarrassing. It felt like coming back to school the day after shitting yourself in class. Not that I’d ever done that, but I knew someone who had and?—

“They’re glad ta see you,” Blue said from my shoulder. “Been worried sick.”

The smiles came then, warm and inviting on my comrades’ faces, and the worm of doubt withered.

Dharma and Priti made a space between them for us, and Pashim led me over.

I forced myself to walk normally, to not hobble or shuffle, and my muscles trembled from the effort. The poisonous bouquet had totally fucked me over.

Dharma’s hound nudged my thigh, looking up at me with big brown eyes .

“Ida wants to know if you’re all right,” Dharma said.

“I’m getting there.”

When I glanced up, Umbra was watching us. Her attention bounced between Pashim and me, and a slight frown settled between her eyebrows. Yeah, it should be Araz by my side, but I was done pretending, and so was Araz, because he made no effort to take Pashim’s place beside me.

“You look like shit,” Dharma whispered.

“Gee, thanks.”

“Not as bad as poor Sylvie,” Priti said, her gaze shooting across the room to where Sylvie stood, supported by her drohi. There was a bandage on her head, and her arm was in a sling.

“Why hasn’t she healed?”

“It’s a triple break,” Priti said. “It’ll take time.”

“We came to see you,” Dharma said. “A couple of times, but Araz wouldn’t let us in. He was extremely protective.” Her gaze flicked across the sanctum to where Araz stood now, acting as if he didn’t give a damn. “Who’d think that men could be so complicated.”

“He’s not a man, though, is he?” Priti said. “None of the drohi are.”

No, they were something else. Males that we had yet to understand.

“Welcome to your first grading,” Guru Chandra said. “Today we will discover who will take their first official pareekshan next week. Only four of you with the highest scores in the gauntlet will pass this round. The rest of you will wait and take your pareekshan next month.”

“You’re bound to come first,” Priti said to her sister.

“Course she is,” Keyton said. “She’s the only one that completed the gauntlet.”

I squeezed Dharma’s hand. “And well deserved.”

Guru Chandra placed his hand on the monolith stone that housed the spirit named Eben. “Eben, please enlighten us.”

The moss on the smaller stones lit up, then the ground rumbled, just as it had the last time we’d visited. The air grew heavy with crackling tension, and finally the stone’s surface shifted to form a face.

“Greetings, mortal gods,” Eben said. “The ankh have watched and judged. I will announce the four chosen in ascending order. In fourth place is demigod Joe.”

Joe let out a shocked squeak, and his drohi scooped him up in a hug. “I made it?” He sounded stunned.

“Yes, you did.” His drohi beamed down at him with a soft intensity that felt like it belonged behind closed doors.

Umbra cleared her throat loudly, and Guru Mihir said, “You may celebrate later,” but there was a twinkle in his eyes.

“In third place is demigod Priti,” Eben continued .

Priti sagged on the spot, relief leaving her loose-limbed.

Dharma grinned at her sister. “Told you…”

“In second place we have demigod Dharma.”

Dharma looked up at Chaya in confusion while everyone broke into conversation at once.

“Quiet!” Guru Chandra said. “You will not question the judgment of the ankh.” Was it my imagination, or did he look a little frazzled? “Eben, please continue.”

“In first place is demigod Leela.”

There was a beat of stunned silence in which my heart threatened to break free of my chest, and then everyone was talking at once. Pashim drew me closer, holding me up when my legs threatened not to.

“What the fuck?” I looked over at the spot Araz had been a moment ago, but he was gone. “Pashim. I didn’t get past the halfway point.”

He looked just as thrown as I was.

“Quiet! Quiet!” Guru Chandra ordered.

The commotion died like the smiles on my fellow demigods’ faces. All I saw now was confusion and in some cases suspicion.

“This makes no sense,” Chaya said. “My demigod completed the gauntlet in record time.”

“Silence!” Umbra admonished.

“I am certain that Eben has an explanation for the…surprising grading,” Guru Chandra said coolly.

Umbra froze, her gaze darting to the regent. I guess it wasn’t proper for anyone to question the ankh’s judgment, even for a regent.

The air vibrated, and this time it wasn’t Eben’s voice that we heard but a breathless androgynous one that, like the Shakti, sounded like it was several speaking at the same time.

“Points are allocated not only for the event itself, but for the time spent in preparation. By choosing to spend every evening running the course, demigod Leela has gained enough points to put her above demigod Dharma by a single point. The sacrifice of her free time and the determination to succeed have aided her triumph this day.”

“That’s not fair!” Eve called out. “No one told us that we could practice after hours.”

“You did not ask. You did not take the initiative. And therefore you, demigod Eve, are in last place.”

Eve’s face went bright red, and she looked like she was about to spew some curses, but her drohi slapped a hand over her mouth, pulling her back against his chest and effectively silencing her.

“Rejoice that you all passed the gauntlet,” Eben continued. “Some of you may not be taking your first pareekshan this time, but you will take it soon enough.”

The lights on the smaller stones dimmed, and Eben’s face melted back into rock.

“Congratulations to the chosen,” Guru Chandra said. “You will be briefed on your pareekshan in the coming days. In the meantime, train hard, and be ready.” His gaze swept over me as he exited the room, and my stomach hollowed with guilt because despite what the ankh had said, I didn’t deserve this, and it felt like I’d stolen the limelight from Dharma, but when I looked over at her, she was all smiles.

“You deserve it,” she said. “I knew you were working every evening; I could have come with you, but?—”

“You didn’t need to. Because you’re good enough already.”

Umbra approached us. “Grading isn’t simply about skill. It’s about heart and the will to do better. To be better. Your grade and place on the pareekshan are also well deserved.”

“She’s right,” Pashim said. “Now you must focus on getting your strength back.”

“Return to your barracks and celebrate this milestone,” Guru Mihir said. “This will be your last reprieve, because you are all officially on the path to the labyrinth. Not all of you will make it, and not all will survive, so take this day together, for who knows what tomorrow may bring.”