Page 19

Chapter 18

CAN YOU LIVE ON KISSES?

A raz didn’t make an appearance at training, and he didn’t show for lunch, so I did what I’d always done and fended for myself.

Pashim found me in the kitchens making rice. Now out of his black armor gear, he looked approachable and relaxed. He’d pulled his hair up in a knot that twined the silver and blue sections together to make an interesting pattern. There was no denying that he was pleasant to look at.

He joined me at the stove and leaned back against the counter to watch me while I poked at the white mess in my saucepan.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked.

“Much better.”

“Good, because you don’t want to miss Guru Mihir’s class this afternoon.” He glanced at my mushy rice then sighed. “Have you never cooked rice before? ”

“Only the microwave kind.”

“Microwave?”

“It’s a machine that uses radiowaves to heat and cook and…”

He was staring blanky at me.

“Never mind.”

“Your mortal world inventions make you lazy.” He took the pan off the heat and dumped the mushy rice into a large bowl. “I’m sure we can make something out of it later.” He washed the pan and set it back on the counter. “Now this is how you make rice.”

He proceeded to show me how to clean the rice and how much water to add, then waited with me while it cooked.

He was patient and kind, and why the fuck hadn’t I been paired with him?

My cheeks felt too hot and my eyes stung because it was obvious that he felt sorry for me. They all did. I’d seen the looks I’d been getting.

“He will come around,” Pashim said softly. “Just…give him time.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak because this situation, this whole being treated like shit by the one person who was supposed to be in my corner, being the odd one out, the outsider, was triggering the fuck out of me.

It took me to my childhood, to the classes where no one wanted to sit with me because Nani was a witch, then to the playground where kids called me names behind my back thinking I didn’t hear, then to my first crush Darren, who’d been…different. He’d said he loved me then turned on me in the most awful way when it mattered the most.

Granted no one here had said anything bad; in fact, they’d all gone out of their way to help me, but it was the pity that grated.

I hated that Araz was making people pity me.

“Leela?” Pashim lightly touched my arm.

I swallowed my thoughts and smiled up at him. “I’m fine. And thank you for helping, and for caring.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but in the end, he simply nodded and turned back to the rice. “It’s done. Now watch how I drain it.”

The afternoon was gray skies and storm clouds. We assembled in the arena once more, where Guru Mihir was waiting for us with Padmini. They wore their all-in-one uniforms of black and silver which Keyton had explained were the standard issue combat wear that every drohi, demigod, and god wore on the battlefield. The same colors so that the enemy wouldn’t be able to pick off the ascended gods from the demigods. I assumed we’d be upgraded once we finished our training either way.

Today, Guru Mihir’s wings were tucked away, but it didn’t make him any less impressive. His inky black hair was pulled back in a long braid, accentuating his high cheekbones and sharp jawline. He towered over us, his magnetic presence keeping us focused as he spoke.

“A god must have many skills,” he said. “Their body must be honed for combat. Agility, reflexes, perception, strength, speed, wit, and cunning, you must have it all, and you must be able to employ them together, shifting from one skill to another with fluidity. On the battlefield, your body will be your most powerful weapon, and so it must be as sharp as the edge of a blade and as tough as the steel that forms it.

“Today you will view the test that if passed, will allow you to undertake the first official pareekshan.”

He led us across the arena, under the awning and through a set of doors we hadn’t been through yet. They opened onto the other side of the complex and led onto a second platform overlooking a second arena, twice the size of the first. But it was more than an arena; it was a fucking obstacle course.

I’d watched TV shows about this shit back home. Of people wearing jumpsuits and running, jumping, and climbing to a timer. But on those shows, everything was covered in foam padding. But this…This was rough wood and spikes, spokes and swinging blades. It was decapitation central, and there were demigods running across the damn thing. Oh god, was that a chasm ?

My stomach attempted to turn itself inside out.

“This is the gauntlet,” Guru Mihir said. “You will complete it to qualify for the first pareekshan. The ankh will grade you, and the potentials with the most points will take the first official test.”

“Wait, you want us to do…that?” Priti pointed at the swinging blades that could easily slice a person in two.

“Yes. Eventually. But you will be practicing on a dummy course.” He led us across the platform that arched over a wall bisecting the space below us to another area of land housing an almost identical course, but on this one, the blades were made of wood. They’d knock you out but not cut you in two. And the chasm was a pit filled with wood shavings not lethal spikes.

“Starting tomorrow, you will practice here every day,” Guru Mihir said. “You will master the course with the help of your drohi, and in three weeks, you will run the real gauntlet.”

“Has anyone…died?” Sylvie asked.

“Not in a long time,” Padmini said. “It is your choice whether to complete the course or not. You can stop at any point.”

But if we stopped, we would fail…that much was obvious.

“I’m not sure I want to ascend that badly,” Joe muttered.

“If you don’t ascend, then you’ll be fighting those revenant things without god power,” Eve said. “Might as well die now.”

She had a point.

“Other demigods do it,” Joe said.

“Enough!” Guru Mihir snapped. “I cannot tell you what to do, only what is, and how things are. Whether you claim your potential or squander it is up to you, but this is your world now. Decide how you wish to live in it.”

The wooden blades swished, the logs turned, and the blunt spikes stabbed at the air periodically.

The drohi took their demigods aside, whispering words of wisdom and instilling confidence, and the hollow pit of awfulness inside me grew.

I couldn’t do this alone.

I needed a drohi.

I needed Araz.

The sun was setting by the time I made it back to barracks. Some of the other demigods had gone to the heated baths to unwind with their drohi, and even though they’d asked me to come, I didn’t want to be a fifth wheel.

It was obvious that the bonded pairs were getting close, that whatever magic woo-woo had been used to make their jodis had worked.

Not for me, though.

I entered my room cautiously, ready to close my eyes if there was any nakedness, but it was empty.

I needed to shower and change, but I was bone tired, my body an aching mess. I took a step toward my bed then stopped, eyeing up Araz’s huge comfy one laid with furs. It was supposed to be a shared bed, and he was hogging it. Totally unfair.

Fuck him. Or maybe not, because I’d seen his cock, and no way was that going anywhere near me. The whole I’ll break you line made sense.

I was tired.

I climbed up, stretched out, and oh my god… This was heaven. No wonder everyone was so rested.

I’d take five to unwind then I’d shower…change and…

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, it was dark, and I was no longer alone.

Araz loomed over me, eyes like twin flames searing into me. The pressure of his large frame rolled me toward him so that I was crushed to him.

Trapped.

My mouth was suddenly dry, heart fluttering like a hummingbird.

“You want in my bed?” he asked, his voice low and silken soft. “Are you offering me your body?” His hand settled on my throat, thumb pressing against the fluttering pulse beneath my ear.

I stilled, heart racing as he stroked me there, his breath beating against my mouth, eyes like molten lava warming me in ways that shouldn’t be possible.

I didn’t like him. He was mean and arrogant, yet my body softened, mouth parting. His gaze dropped to my lips, and something flickered in their depths—a yearning, a longing that echoed mine. The vibration of his growl resonated deep in my core before he claimed my mouth.

Heat flooded through me, pushing up from within to press at my skin as if reaching for him. I hated it. I wanted it to stop, needed it to stop because I was drowning in it, in him. In the taste and feel and?—

He broke the kiss, leaving my lips wanting and cold, and a whimper escaped them.

His eyes flared bright. “Look at you, wanton and needy.” He kissed me again, harder, bruising.

I gasped into his mouth, moaning as he pulled his lips away.

”You want me to service you?” He pinched my jaw, forcing my mouth wider and claiming it in a dizzying frenzy that left me torn between desire and disgust. My hands found his shoulders, fingers digging in, clawing at him to push him away or bring him closer or just to hold him, I couldn’t be sure because thoughts were muddled and unnecessary and my body was on fire, hungry and crying out for his touch to be everywhere. All over me and?—

He tore his mouth free, face contorting into a mask of fury. “You will not have me.”

I finally found my voice buried beneath the thrum of my pulse and the thunder of blood in my head. “I don’t…don’t want…this…”

He leaned in so all I saw were his golden eyes and the dark slitted pupils that seemed to expand as if attempting to swallow me whole.

“Then why the fuck are you in my bed?”

His tone, lethal, soft and saturated with revulsion, coupled with the residue of aching need shivering across my skin, unlocked the darker thoughts and emotions inside me. Thoughts that remined me that I was trapped, lost in a world that I didn’t understand and bound to a male that didn’t want me, and oh god, I was terrified and hungry, and tired, and lonely, and sad. Oh god, was I sad.

I opened my mouth to tell him all of this, and all that emerged was a wail that ended in a sob. It was followed by another and then another.

He jumped off that bed like I’d threatened to shove a hot poker up his ass and stood, hands at his sides, fists flexing. “Stop that.”

I wanted to, but now that the dam was broken, it was determined to vent. My chest heaved, fighting the tight swell of emotion. I tried to cut if off by covering my mouth, but the tears continued to pour, and my nose began to run, and it was a mess. Oh god I needed to stop. This was the worst. The absolute worst.

“Stop it right now!” Araz demanded.

“I…I’m trying…to…” I pushed the words out between sobs and hiccups, hating myself for being weak. For breaking like this when I needed to be strong.

He paced back and forth for a moment, then made a sound of exasperation. “It’s just a fuckng bed. You want it so bad, then take it.” He stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

I rolled onto my side, buried my face in the furs, and sobbed my heart out.

Grief was a funny old thing, or so I’d heard. I’d never known my mother or father. Nani had raised me, and she was my first loss. This was new to me. This burst of emotions that stole control of my faculties.

Would it happen again? And I wasn’t just thinking about the crying. The way Araz had made me feel…that wasn’t normal. At least not for me. Had he seriously thought I was offering myself to him? After everything that had happened between us? Could he really be that delusional? No. He’d been making a point. Some kind of point that made no sense to me but probably mattered to him .

He’d been playing with me, and I’d succumbed. I’d gone all gaspy and throbby and urgh. I covered my face. Great. Just great.

At least the crying had netted me the bed.

But if I vacated it and went to find food, would he reclaim it?

Better question was, did I want to stay in it after our tonsil hockey session?

My stomach grumbled, reminding me to feed it.

I forced myself up and into the shower. Freshly clothed, I made my way toward the kitchens. It was late and the corridors were silent, the others already in bed. The wall lamps were turned low so there was barely enough light to navigate by, but my night vision seemed to be working overtime, allowing me to see past the shadows gathered on the staircase and descend without breaking my neck.

I was by the door to the kitchens when I heard the voices. Low and gruff, speaking a foreign language but clearly in some kind of argument. I strained to listen and identify who was speaking.

That was Araz’s voice. It had to be. Who was he speaking with?

I caught the words, unfair my friend , and recognized Pashim’s voice before he switched to the other language again. I backed up a step and came up against something solid. Warm.

Oh. Shit.

I slowly looked up into the sneering face of the drohi with markings that covered his crown and the sides of his face.

Jasha.

His large hands closed over my shoulders, and he lifted off my feet. “Hasn’t anyone taught you that it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

“Let go.” I kicked out, but he merely laughed, carrying me easily into the kitchen where Pashim and Araz were sitting at one of the tables.

“I found a mouse,” Jasha said, giving me a shake.

My gaze flew to Araz. Wasn’t he going to say anything? I was his demigod, after all. But he sat tense-jawed and silent. I guess lip-locking had changed nothing.

“Put her down,” Pashim said.

“Not for you to decide,” Jasha replied. “Araz, what shall we do with your eavesdropping demigod?”

“Put her down,” Araz said wearily, then to me, “What are you doing here?” His tone was irritable, as if I was a nuisance, and I might have believed it if he hadn’t, a mere thirty minutes ago, had his hot tongue in my mouth.

My stomach flipped at the memory, and his gaze brightened for a moment as if he’d read my thoughts, as if he too was thinking about that moment. One we’d both enjoyed.

Araz’s eyes narrowed. “Well? Answer me.”

Shit. “What was the question?”

He repeated the question, slowly, enunciating each word as if I was too dense to comprehend otherwise. “What. Are. You. Doing. Here?”

Fuck him. Two could play that game. “I’m. Hungry. And. Want. Food.”

Pashim’s lips twitched. “Of course, you are. You missed supper.”

“You were here?”

He smiled wryly. “I thought you might need help with your rice.”

Araz looked between us, his jaw flexing. “You cooked for her?” It sounded like an accusation.

“I helped her, something which you should be doing.”

Jasha snorted. “Why should he? He never wanted?—“

“What do you want to eat?” Araz snapped at me.

Not your tongue. Not your tongue. “I…I’m not sure.” Was he seriously going to cook for me?

“Indecisive little thing, aren’t you?”

Like hell. I made decisions all the fucking time. I might not stick to them, but… “I liked the dhal the other day.”

Araz stood slowly and stretched his epic frame. “Well then, you better get to work. It takes a while.” He strode past me and out of the room, leaving me standing there with a pulse in my throat and hot cheeks of shame.

Jasha chuckled and followed him out, leaving me with Pashim .

Bastard.

“I’m sorry,” Pashim said. “I tried to make him see reason.”

“Is that what you were talking about?”

“Yes. I explained that he needs to be in attendance for your training.”

“And?”

He shrugged a powerful shoulder. “Who knows?”

My heart sank. “Thanks for trying.”

“I want to be clear that I didn’t just speak to him because of you. If Araz fails to do his duty, there will be repercussions. For him.”

“What kind of repercussions?”

“Some kind of physical reprimand. Usually public. Drohi take care of their demigods, and it is rare for a reprimand to be applied. In fact, there has not been any such incident in my lifetime, but the law on the matter is clear. He would be wise not to test it.” He pushed back his chair and stood. “Come. There’s some leftover sabji and roti."

The toasties of my youth came to mind that Nani had filled with the leftover dry vegetable curry, and even though I’d hated them back then, the thought now brought only aching nostalgia. I’d give anything to have her make me one now. Anything to have her back. But she was gone. Trapped in the belly of a beast that I couldn’t free her from until I’d reached my full potential .

I couldn’t let anything or anyone get in the way of that goal. Not even Araz.

Back in the room, Araz was already in bed, which answered my earlier question of whether I’d get to sleep in it tonight.

I crossed to the bedding on the floor, thicker somehow. Was that one of his furs?

It totally was.

I glanced back at the bed and his sleeping form.

What did this mean?

My stomach was full, and my mind was ready to shut down.

I’d figure it out in the morning.

I stripped off my pants and climbed under the furs in my undershirt and panties.

Araz’s scent filled my nose, forcing the memory of our encounter to the forefront of my mind. I pushed it away.

My last thought before I passed out was that I’d probably smell like him all day tomorrow.

Then it was lights out.