Page 43 of Losing My Siren Luna (Hidden Cove #1)

Lachlan and his men, including Cherum, had to hold some meeting on Nilo’s return to the castle, so Cedric eagerly volunteered to go for an after-dinner walk with me. Maurice and Thomas followed at a distance to keep me safe.

Lachlan tried to refuse Cedric on my behalf, thinking I was still tired, but I reassured him that I was fine, feeling better after eating. I wanted to talk with Cedric alone. I had so many questions about my father.

“You and the Alpha seemed to be on much friendlier terms,” Cedric tells me, sounding almost amused as we walked alongside one another along the docks.

I huffed out a laugh in the back of my throat, not sure how to respond. I’m not sure if we are on friendlier terms or if the bond and my lycan are just that much of an influence on me now.

I’m scared. I’m scared because I clung to hope for so long in my first life that things could be better if I could just get a moment alone with Lachlan to tell him we were mates.

I think keeping my heart open and holding onto hope is what hurt my bond more in my first life.

Building that wall around myself helped to numb the bond and helped everything Lachlan did to not hurt me as sharply.

Now that the bond is open, and Val is insisting that I keep my heart and mind open too, I’m scared that I will just hurt more later.

“Are you not?” Cedric asks, flinging one of his arms around my shoulder, pulling me to his side. Val growls, but I think it’s more of a friendly gesture from Cedric. It feels almost brotherly and makes me feel a bit less worried that I could go back to suffering alone.

“I’m not sure,” I told him honestly. “We’ve been married for not even two days. I feel like I don’t even know him.”

It’s true enough. This Lachlan is nothing like the Lachlan I know from before. Tea today and then how he acted at dinner proved it.

Cedric scoffs, “I think you know him well enough.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked, tilting my face up to study him.

“Oh, just because,” he grins crookedly, “What more is there to know? He’s your typical primitive alpha dog.”

“Hey,” I frowned at Cedric when Val growled at the insult in my head. “I’m half primitive dog too.”

“You are far from primitive or a dog, princess,” he chuckles.

“None of the people here are. You shouldn’t talk that way when you are a guest in this castle.”

He offers me a guilty smile. “You are right. Forgive my rudeness, my princess.”

“I’ll forgive you if you tell me more about my father,” I covertly changed the topic to the subject I wanted to talk about.

He chuckles, not a fool at my intentions.

He sighs, looks back to make sure we were out of earshot of my guards, then looks out to the sea.

“Your father is a strong and powerful siren. That is why he can’t come to retrieve or reveal himself to you yet.

Many enemies would use you to hurt him. Some in quite horrendous ways.

I know he left you to your husband because he believed the Alpha, along with your ignorance of your father, was the safest option to keep you hidden from his enemies until you gained your fins. ”

“Just like what our mate said,” Val says smugly in our mind.

I internally rolled my eyes at her and continued asking my questions. “When did he learn about me? How did he know I was his daughter?” If he'd never met me, I don’t see how he could have confirmed who I was, and I’m questioning how he even learned of my existence.”

“Hmm. I know it was not long ago. I’m not sure of all the details.

Your father is a private person. I merely do what I’m told, only getting the information he offers me.

I do know he would have come from you sooner had he known about you.

He would probably have taken your mother from your previous pack, along with you, if he learned of your existence when she was alive. ”

“Why do you think that?” I looked up at him confused.

Did he care for my mother? I know she was forced to entertain visiting delegates and dignitaries from visiting kingdoms at times, she was forced to do worse often too, but none were ever mentioned specifically.

She didn’t even tell me about my siren lineage until Val came to me when I was going through puberty.

I think she was trying to shield me from any knowledge of my true father.

Whenever the topic came up, she would just urge me to keep my siren identity hidden.

She said once I turned 20, I could escape to the sea and finally be free of the cruelty on land, something she sadly wished she could do too.

“Because I just know.” That’s all he said, as if it was as simple an answer as that.

“Thanks for elaborating,” I snorted.

“You’re very welcome,” he grinned cheekily, making me laugh.

He turns and stares at the sea again, letting out a heavy sigh. I watched his features for a few minutes, and I recognized the same longing on his face that crosses mine whenever I get lost in the majesty of the open water with its dancing waves and glittering surface.

“Do you miss it?” I whispered, breaking him from his trance.

He turns his head slowly, offering me a sad smile. “Nothing compares to the feeling of freedom you get in the briny deep, where even gravity can’t restrict you. A siren out of water is like a bird without wings. You can survive, but you will always long for it, the ability to soar.”

I grinned at him, then we both stared at the sea.

He turns us to face it, and I inhale the briny air, imagining it was the salty water entering my gills.

The wind blowing my hair back from my face, I can almost pretend it is the currents rushing past as I soar through the water with the dolphins and fish.

I miss it, and really do long to soar once again.

“What do you do when you miss it?” I asked in a hushed whisper.

He chuckles lightly, pulling me closer to his side and gently kissing the top of my head. “I guess we will find out. I’ve never been out of the water for an extended period of time before. I will have to learn to adjust, it seems. I will have to placate myself with brief swims in the bay.”

I smiled sadly, knowing that wouldn't compare to the deep waters in the center of the ocean. “Why don’t we go for a dip tomorrow? I wouldn’t mind a swim.”

“Will your husband approve of you entering the water?”

“Ha. Like he has any authority to tell me I can’t.”

Cedric chuckled at my defiant attitude. “I doubt that man would tell you no anyway. He would likely drop all his work to adhere to your wishes and take a swim with you.”

My face heats at the idea of swimming with Lachlan. I didn’t feel any embarrassment at the thought of swimming with Cedric, but swimming with Lachlan, both of us in minimal clothing, where modesty is not attainable without risk of drowning, makes the nagging bond flare in my chest again.

“ Because you find him attractive. As you should. He’s your mate,” Val huffs.

“ You would have to be blind to not find Lachlan attractive. That’s not it. Cedric’s attractive too. It’s just the bond making me feel this way, and you being an insistent pest.”

“Insistent pest or not, you know deep down why you feel shy with our mate and not the smooth-talking fish,” Val rolls her eyes at me, annoyed with my denial.

“What is this?” Cedric smiles crookedly down at me, his perfect teeth glistening in the moonlight. “Do we have a blushing bride, shy about swimming with her husband?”

“No,” I lied, pushing him away and scowling at him.

“We do,” he grins, teasing me, “Is my princess too shy to ask her husband to take a dip in the water with her? If you want some alone time with him for more intimate moments, I could wander off into the deeper parts of the bay.”

“Intimate moments will not occur, so that will not be necessary.” I cringed, just imagining the panic attack that could cause.

Holding hands may be fine, but the things Cedric is insinuating are not possible for me.

That’s another reason I don’t want to get my hopes up with Lachlan.

If he gets tired of waiting for me to be ready for that kind of relationship, he may again turn his affections elsewhere.

Cedric stared at me for a few moments, all the teasing gone from his face. “Are you afraid of being intimate with your husband, Princess?”

Even using the endearment of princess, I can feel the seriousness of his question. I feel like he is asking me something more than just inquiring about the intimacy in my marriage.

“I’m afraid that is too personal of a question, Cedric. One you need not worry about.”

His stare continues, then his sigh heavily before looking around at the guard and then the sea. After a while, he turned back around to face me.

“If anyone were to ever hurt you, I would deal with them, princess. I can promise you that. Even if it’s the rabid alpha that you married, I would put him down if he ever hurt you or forced you to do something you were not ready for.”

“I appreciate that, but I promise you that Lachlan has never hurt me. Not in the ways you are insinuating. He has never laid a hand on me. That is why I said intimacy is not to be expected.”

He stared right into my eyes, not holding back and being straightforward with his next question. “Has he hurt you in other ways, Elelira?”

I press my lips together, not knowing how to answer. “Not yet,” is all I say. That's all I can say. He has hurt me, but again, it wasn’t this Lachlan. It was the one from my first life. “And I can only hope he won’t,” I whispered, more for me than him.

“He won’t,” Val tells me, but I can feel her uncertainty. She is certain of her mate, but I can feel in her tone now that she is still unsure of mine, no matter how much she tries to say otherwise.

“He won’t,” Cedric says out loud, repeating the words my Lycan just said while coming forward and taking hold of my shoulders. “No one can hurt you with me by your side.”