Page 5 of Laila Manning (Shadeport Crew #3)

I watched the blades of fern grass billow in the breeze as I walked up the long path to Carly’s house. The path was familiar, and it had never caused me any pain, yet each time I walked it, it felt like I was nearing my death.

It felt like that every time I walked down any type of path.

A hallway.

A paved sidewalk.

The annoyingly long roped-off queue line at the DMV.

Every path created the same panic inside of me.

The same phantom pain.

As if something at the end of that path would tear another piece from my soul away.

Again, none of those things happened to me after Jed rescued me from the brothel. Regardless, any route felt like a walk to the gallows for me.

Most days, I walked through the grass instead of the paver-lined walkway to the front steps. But today I wanted to be brave. I wanted to force myself to be strong.

Even if I felt anything but.

“Hey,” Carly called, walking out of her front door with a coffee cup in her hand, wrapping a cardigan sweater around her waist tighter. “Brrr, it’s chilly out here.”

“Hi,” I responded on autopilot. “Yeah, I guess winter came early.”

“Hmm.” She hummed and tilted her head. “Porch or inside?”

Every day I walked to Carly’s front porch, and we visited . Most days we sat next to each other on the front porch, and she chatted aimlessly about her life, and all the great people she surrounded herself with. And I just listened.

Because I couldn’t return her stories or inquiries into my day; I simply had nothing to offer her.

Some days, we went inside her cute little cottage for our visits.

Those were brutal days, but I forced myself to do them anyway. If I didn’t move forward, even on brutal days, I would not get better.

At least that’s what my therapist said.

“Inside.” I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders.

Carly’s affectionate smile lit up her face before she forced it back and nodded her head like I’d just said something menial and unimpressive.

“Inside, then.” With a soft click, she opened the front door, stepping inside and leaving it slightly open, inviting me to follow at my own pace.

The scent of wood-smoke hung in the air.

Even without telling her anything, she knew .

Carly picked up on things and made observations without asking questions. It was unnerving how much she could piece together from body language and one-word answers. But I guess that was a skill she picked up as a dancer at Ryker’s club .

And probably the fact that she witnessed my torture from inside that hellhole. She simply understood me better.

“So,” Carly called from the kitchen island, where she poured creamer into a cup of tea for me when I finally entered her home. “I was thinking about that stupid barista incident.”

My blood ran cold as my foot landed on the hardwood floor of her foyer, but I forced myself to keep my chest open and unrestricted, forcing full deep breaths of fresh oxygen into my lungs so I didn’t pass out.

Again.

It was mortifying enough the first time I’d done it on her floor.

“I can’t go back.” I shook my head as I passed the couch between the two spaces, running my fingertips over the lush soft blanket draped over the back as I went. Grounding me in the comforts provided inside the warm home. “I blew it.”

“That’s not true,” She shook her head, sending her perfectly blown-out blonde locks swaying.

“But it’s irrelevant because I don’t think you should go back to that place anyway.

It was a shitty job, and I understand why you took it, but you’re better off without it.

” She slid the mug of warm tea across the countertop to me and then walked around the other side to the couch, giving me a wide berth.

She knew I didn’t enjoy being too close to people when I was inside.

Even though I’d never spoken those words to her.

“I’ll find something.” I dipped my head over my mug and followed her to my favorite chair by the window. The window overlooked the front porch, so I could see who was coming and going before they arrived. It also gave me an exit point if I needed one.

Escape was paramount; the threat of slashing my arteries wide open wouldn’t stop me from leaping out the window if I had to .

“I have something in mind.” She cut off my train of thought as I settled into a comfortable chair the same color as her eyes.

Turquoise blue.

Everything about Carly was angelic and unthreatening.

“How do you feel about kids?”

“Kids?” I mumbled, confused and surprised. “Huh?”

“Gavin in particular.”

“What about him?” I wondered where she was going with the conversation about Ryker and Ellie’s baby. He was the cutest, sweetest baby in the entire world, with his chubby little teddy bear cheeks and Ryker’s signature scowl.

“How do you feel about babysitting him?” She watched me closely as she asked, waiting to read my cues before I even realized I had given them.

“When?” I asked, “Where would Ellie or you be?” Ellie hardly ever left Gavin at home when she left, and if she did, Carly watched him.

“Out,” She shrugged her shoulders, “Date night, or girl’s days. Whatever the occasion, you could watch him instead of Ellie leaving him with Ryker or the nanny.” She rolled her eyes, “Gavin loves you.”

“I don’t know—,” I shook my head, “I don’t know much about kids.”

“You absolutely know enough to take care of him for a few hours at a time.” Carly countered, “And you know that. You’re great with him.”

“I’m—,” I fought for the right words but came up short. “It’s not a good idea.”

“Why?” She sipped her coffee, watching me.

“Because I’m unreliable.” I quoted my old boss, the teenager. “ And flighty.”

“You’re healing.” She countered, squinting her eyes, “And human.”

“Both are terrible qualities with children.” I shrugged as if that would keep the words from hurting. Because once upon a time, I wanted nothing more than to be a mom someday.

Now, it wasn’t even a possibility anymore.

“You’re wrong.” She tsked her tongue and leaned back in her chair across from me. “You’d do nothing to harm Gavin. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Not intentionally,” I replied.

“Not at all, Laila,” She tried. “You know that.”

“It’s not worth the risk.” I shut her down, looking into my mug to signal that the conversation was over.

She sighed, and took a deep breath, before moving on in a way that only Carly could.

“So, Diesel, huh?”

I groaned and rolled my eyes, cringing at the whole endeavor.

“Carly.”

“What?” she asked innocently. “I mean, he’s not my first pick of a friend for you. But you could do worse.”

“Worse?” I shook my head. “The man no doubt has a little black book filled with names of hookups right next to the names of people he’s killed.”

Her brows rose, and a smirk covered her lips, “You’re thinking about women he’s slept with?”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “You’re exhausting.”

“Okay, let me ask you a better question.” She hurried on, ignoring my discomfort.

Because to be honest, it was a different discomfort than we were used to dealing with between us.

This was the embarrassing uneasiness that people tried to avoid, not the physical pain kind of discomfort I was usually in when I was outside of my apartment.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t.”

“Zeke.” She said effortlessly, like that was the entire sentence.

The flush of even more embarrassment crawled up my chest, and I fought the urge to run from the room completely.

“That’s not a question,” I said, and she opened her mouth to butt in, “Or a topic I’m willing to discuss.”

She smiled knowingly, “Yet that answers so much, all on its own.”

“You’re insufferable,” I murmured and took a sip of my tea, letting the gentle taste soothe the wounds inside of my throat that were no longer there, yet permanently marked in my mind.

“You love me anyway.” She winked and crossed her legs under her like a kid at school on the story rug.

Before I could reply, movement outside caught my eye, and I turned and watched Ellie walking up the path with baby Gavin in her arms. A soft black blanket, fit for the world’s most prized possessions, cradled him.

“Ah,” Carly smirked as she waved to Ellie through the window, “Seems Ryker misinterpreted the message this morning.”

“What does that mean, exactly?” I questioned her as the front door opened, but Elora’s frustrated voice rang out, interrupting Carly’s chance to clarify.

“That man is the most unbearable man in the entire world!” Elora complained, slamming the door behind her and kicking off her shoes as she rounded the corner. “Work.” She huffed, “Can you believe he turned me down? For work!” She yelled.

Gavin babbled in her arms excitedly, picking up on the heightened energy surrounding him as he twisted around to see who was on the other side of his warm blanket still snuggling him .

Carly giggled and raised an eyebrow at her best friend with a knowing look. “I told you they were doing something important. I haven’t seen Jed for over five minutes in days.” She looked across at me. “Has Zeke been as MIA as our men have been ?”

“How would I know?” I questioned, even as a blush warmed my cheeks. Elora’s shoulders relaxed as she chuckled and came into the warm living room.

“I thought you’d hear him come and go, is all.” Carly shrugged, holding her hands out for Gavin as Ellie handed him off to his favorite aunt. “Considering Jed said he found him half naked in your room at three am the other night.”

“What?” Ellie gasped, pulling off her sweater and throwing herself down on the couch with excitement in her eyes. “Why am I just hearing about this?”

Carly shrugged, ignoring her overly eager friend to keep her eyes on me. “Care to share with the class?”

“There’s nothing to share.” I bit out a bit more forcefully than I planned and cringed. I never raised my voice or yelled, especially not at Carly.

Never at Carly.

“Why was he in your room, then?” She challenged me, pushing me further out of my comfort zone. She always knew what boundaries to push and which ones to avoid.