Page 12 of Laila Manning (Shadeport Crew #3)

C an you die from fear?

An internet search I never thought I’d have to make in my life, yet there I was, pacing my floor back and forth, thumbs roving over my phone screen and typing that stupid question to the internet gods.

Zeke read my journal entry.

And not only did he read it, but he stood in the hallway and let me watch him read it.

Did he know I was watching?

Holy Hell, I thought I was going to die from the overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety running through my body.

I locked my phone screen and tossed it down on my bed as I kept pacing. That had been at one am, and hours later, I was still panicking over it.

He told me both in the kitchen and on the sidewalk that he wanted to be my friend, and that he’d wait for me to be ready to communicate and share with him who I was. But I wasn’t some normal girl who could just be friends with someone. Especially not a sexually arousing man like Zeke Evans.

I couldn’t even talk to him without my blood pressure rising to a stupid level.

So, I thought about it repeatedly for days after the night I watched Gavin and finally came up with a decision.

I’d share the only way I knew how, and that was through my journaling.

I picked a very surface level one out of the deep and dark secret sharing entries in my leather-bound journal my therapist insisted I write in months ago.

And holy fucking shit, it had been the most nerve-wracking thing in the world.

But I did it.

It felt like I’d ripped the band-aid off and shared a part of myself with him I wouldn’t have done any other way.

But now, I was going crazy trying to figure out what he thought about me after reading my poor, sappy entry about missing sunsets.

Did he think I was nuts?

Well, I was , so that was fine.

But did he change his mind about wanting to be my friend?

“Jesus, Laila.” I snapped in aggravation. “The man woke you up out of what he clearly knew was a sex dream. About him!” I argued with myself. “If that didn’t send him running for the hills, your bullshit story about sunsets isn’t enough to register.”

I sighed and threw myself down on my bed, frustrated with myself and the entire situation. “This is why I stay in my apartment and don’t interact with anyone.” I complained once again to myself.

“This is why I stay in my apartment all the time.” I complained as Carly walked ahead of me into the store.

“Which is why I lied and tricked you into coming with me here tonight.” She winked and held the door open for me. “Mav agreed to close the store down an hour early so we could do this,” She waved her hand for me to enter, “So come on.”

I groaned but rushed in ahead of her as the cool evening followed in after me. “Carly, I can’t do this.”

Racks upon racks of sexy clothes and lingerie stared back at me like strangers judging me.

“Yes, you can.” She reassured me for the tenth time since letting me in on her plan as we left our last stop at the salon. I should have known she had more up her sleeve besides the fresh highlights and blow-out she surprised me with today. “Your sexuality is a powerful tool.”

“It’s a weapon used against women by predators and pearl-clutchers to trick us into thinking we somehow asked to be targeted and brutalized simply because of the clothing we dress ourselves with.” I snapped back and then sighed, hating that I talked to her that way. “That wasn’t fair, I’m sorry.”

“It’s true.” She stared me down. “Sexuality can be used against us by everyone. Our family and friends, partners and first dates, strangers online, predators who attack and abuse us, the possibilities are endless.”

“Then why do it?” I questioned, waving my hand out at her tight neon pink leather pants and sexy black crop top with matching pink laces tying it together over her chest. It wasn’t that the outfit was particularly revealing, there was only a sliver of skin between the top of her pants and the bottom of her shirt that showed.

But it was the intent of it that rubbed me wrong.

It gave off a look-at-me vibe.

“Because I enjoy it.” She replied. “I enjoy dressing up in a way that gets attention and makes me feel good about myself. I have zero intent of doing anything about any of the attention from anyone besides your brother, but knowing that I can get it excites me, nonetheless.”

“Even after everything?” I lowered my voice. “After how your reputation and appearance made you a target for those men to use you?” I brought up our time together in the brothel for one of the first times since my rescue.

“Is that what you’re scared of?” She questioned, stepping closer.

“Do you think if you embrace your body and sex appeal that it will draw the wrong attention and make you a target again?” She tilted her head.

“Women survive every day without anything bad happening to them, dressed just like this and even more over the top.” She tried reasoning.

“And women endure torture every day for doing far less than simply wearing clothes that draw unwanted attention.” I countered. “I guess it’s just too much risk for the reward.”

Her shoulders dropped slightly, “I’m so sorry that you feel so threatened by everything. Believe me, Laila,” she said, taking my hand and squeezing it, “If I had one wish from a genie, or one do-over for anyone or anything in this world, I would erase all the bad things that happened to you.”

“I don’t want to change it all.” I whispered, surprising her.

“In a way, I know things have to happen for a reason. I know things have to follow a certain path to come out the other side the way they have.” I squeezed her hand back, “Believe it or not, I still don’t regret saving you from Titus that night.

Because it brought you into my life, and it gave me back Jed.

” I fought to keep tears from my eyes. “So, I wouldn’t change all of it. But I would change some of it.”

“So maybe we can find a way to change some things, but not all of it.” She smiled sadly, wiping away her own tears and blowing her bangs out of her face. “Small bits and pieces.”

“Small bits and pieces.” I eyed the racks near us and fought the smile that she always managed to bring out of me. “Just maybe.”

I tugged the shirt down for the hundredth time and then groaned at how it just exposed my chest even more. Carly snickered from next to me on the sidewalk as we left Mav’s boutique with bags upon bags of new clothes for me.

On Ryker’s dime. Yet another debt to add to the growing list in my journal. Which reminded me I really needed to get another job.

Carly’s car was parked in the VIP section of Lux Strip Club, conveniently located down the street from Mav’s and also conveniently guarded by the jacked bouncers of Ryker’s swanky club.

“I can’t wait to see all these new clothes on you.” Carly smiled brightly as she popped the trunk and helped me put the bags in.

A man from the front of Lux called out to Carly.

“Hey Sunshine, here to bring some class back to Lux?” I looked over the car at the man in a flashy suit as he chatted with the bouncers before going into the club.

“God knows we all miss you.” He was middle age but surprisingly normal looking for a man walking into a strip club on a Wednesday evening.

I always imagined that the only men who frequented places like this were seedy and gross.

Maybe that was just the men who went to brothels.

Carly smirked and gave a pretty pout. “Those days are long behind me now, Tom.” She winked. “I’m a paying customer every time I walk in there these days.”

“Too bad.” The man named Tom shrugged good-heartedly. “See ya around, Sunshine.” He called before walking through the front door and disappearing into the dimly lit foyer.

Carly shook her head, still smiling. “Do you miss it?” I questioned, nodding to the building.

“All the time.” She answered honestly. “When the longing gets too big, I just go in as a customer and tip the girls big and enjoy myself as a spectator.”

“Hmm.” I hummed, staring at the elegant neon sign on the front of the building. We were in a decent part of town, and I was having trouble wrapping my head around what kind of stuff went on inside the black brick building surrounded by boutiques and bars.

“What is it?” Carly asked, watching me closely.

“Hmm?” I snapped out of it. “Nothing.”

“Laila.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “You can be honest with me.”

I sighed and rested my hip against the trunk, staring back up at the building. “I’ve never been to a strip club before.” Shrugging, I tried to seem indifferent. “Isn’t it kind of a rite of passage to go to a strip club in your early twenties and, I don’t know, let loose?”

Carly smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “It can be.”

“Can girls dance without being touched in there?” I questioned, watching the blue and pink neon sign flicker as the pattern changed to a purple and teal combination .

“Why?”

“Answer me.” I flicked my glance back to her, challenging her to be honest before I told her why.

“Sure.” She nodded her head. “Girls can do stage dances for tips only. They would miss out on the big money that’s usually found in the VIP room or in lap dances at least. But hypothetically speaking, girls can dance only on the stage.

Now tell me why you’re asking.” Before I could reply, she pointed her finger at me.

“Honestly. Because you have a look in your eye, I’ve never seen before and maybe it’s because your tits look incredible in that shirt and your mile high legs are distracting me in those shorts, but I think you’re about to say something shocking. ”

I smirked and rolled my eyes, turning my back on the building and the appeal. “I need a job.”

Carly snorted and glared at me. “And you thought you’d jump right from part-time barista to stripper?”

I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m actually pretty good at it.”

“Stripping?” She deadpanned, going all serious.

I shrugged again. “I danced throughout my entire childhood. It was the only normal part of my life for the longest time. And then when I was—” I cut off, leaving the word trafficked out, “I stripped a few times.”

“And you would willingly want to do it again?” She questioned.

“Because believe me, I’m all for supporting a woman’s ability to sell her own sex in whatever fashion she wants to.

From stripping to escorting, it’s all fine with me if the woman does it safely and for her own benefit.

But I’m surprised to hear you say it, considering you were against even wearing a revealing shirt two hours ago. ”

I stood up off the car with a nod of my head, “You’re not wrong.

” I faced her, “Allowing my sexuality to be used in a controlled state doesn’t scare me as much as the unpreparedness of just welcoming that attention from the public.

Dancing in a place with armed guards,” I looked over at the big hulking men at the door, “And I’m not just talking about their biceps, gives girls at least a little of security. Am I right?”

“Completely.” She agreed and then sighed. “But even though I support whatever path you want to take, Jed, on the other hand would burn the entire building down if he knew you were inside of it working.” She shuddered. “Scratch that, he’d burn the entire block down.”

I tipped my head back and laughed. “Didn’t you two meet inside there?”

“We did. But as soon as I started falling for him, I walked away, because there was just something that felt wrong about showing other men what belonged to him.”

“Hmm.” I hummed. “It doesn’t matter either way.”

She smirked and then shut the trunk, nodding towards the building. “I’m probably going to get in trouble for this but come with me.”

“Where?” I followed her, scowling in confusion.

“To pop your strip club cherry.” She winked. “Let’s go get you a lap dance or two and I’ll introduce you to my friends.” She waved to the bouncers as we walked up. “Evening, boys.”

“Sunshine.” The men responded, nodding their heads respectfully as they opened the heavy doors. “Have a good night.”

“Oh, we intend to.” She purred back seductively, grabbing my hand and pulling me in with her. “Here’s to a liberating experience tonight.” She squeezed as the tempo of the music cascaded over my skin, igniting every nerve in my body. “Let’s hope you’re a changed woman when we leave.”