Page 20 of Laila Manning (Shadeport Crew #3)

“He doesn’t punish himself for my past, Jed.

You do.” I stood up to pace as the topic became more uncomfortable as we dived deeper.

“I have no clue what the future holds for Zeke and me. I have no clue if there is a future for us, or if he’s just someone who stars in this chapter of my life.

But I also had no idea how cathartic it would be to let some of my pain out into the universe and let someone else catch it.

” I trembled as he watched me intently. “For years, no one has known my story. No one cared because everyone I met had it bad, so I wasn’t special.

But now, there is a man who wants to know me.

Who wants to know the bad so he can understand why I am the way I am today, and I’m tempted—” I shrugged, closing my eyes as tears threatened to spill down my face.

“I’m tempted to lean on that. For even just a moment in time. ”

“You’re tired.” He whispered, and I opened my eyes to see his pain. “My therapist says you’re tired because you’ve been in survival mode for decades. And now you don’t have to be, but you don’t know how to get out of it and just live. ”

“You have a therapist?” I asked, deflecting from the way his words hit so true in my heart.

He smirked, onto my plan and nodded his head.

“Carly made me go to one right after you came home to us.” He swallowed and took a calming breath.

“She said I needed to know how to help you when you were ready to let me. And if I didn’t get professional help to do that, I’d fuck it up when it mattered most.” He cocked his head to the side, “Kind of how I did yesterday.”

“Our therapists should chat because they sound a lot alike.” I joked, feeling my body relax again as we found common ground. “I just want you to live your life without worrying about me.”

“And I just want you to have every single thing you’ve ever dreamed of before. I’d move heaven and hell for you, Laila.” He got serious again. “I’d kill for you.”

Flashbacks assaulted my mind to that night so many years ago when Jed found me beaten and barely alive after our father tried to kill me with his fists. “And you’ll never know how much you mean to me.” I smiled softly, “And how much I need you in my life, still after all this time.”

“Well, good.” He smiled, standing up and puffing out his chest. “Because I have no plans on going anywhere, anytime soon.”

“Unless you decide to push someone else through a glass window?” I raised my eyebrow at him and smirked as he rolled his eyes.

“Would it help you to know that I ended up getting more cut up than he did?” He joked.

“No.” I answered honestly, “I’d prefer if you’d refrain from going through any windows, ever again.”

“Me too.” He groaned, deflating his shoulders a bit with a boyish grin. “I’m getting too old to be so wild. ”

I tipped my head back and laughed as the front door opened and Carly and Elora walked in, eyeing us.

“Well, that’s a good sign.” Carly said to Elora like we weren’t standing right there watching them.

“Better than we’d hoped for, huh?” Elora winked.

“Do they always do that weird commentary thing?” I asked Jed out loud, giving them a taste of their own medicine.

“All the time.” he joked, crossing his arms over his wide chest, and leaning against the island as Carly walked near him. “But you kind of get used to it after a while.”

“Did you guys make up?” Carly ignored me and looked up at Jed.

“If you mean, did I apologize,” He stared at her pointedly, “Then yes.”

“And did you accept it?” She turned to me.

“Yes.” I quipped.

“Good.” She perked up, like she’d been waiting for that news to go on with her life. “Because I can’t handle this kind of stress in my life.”

“Oh, stop it.” He groaned, kissing her forehead. “You've lived for this drama since leaving the clubs.”

“True.” She pouted and playfully slapped his chest. “I am quite bored with this whole housewife life.”

“And that’s my cue to go back to work.” Jed winked over the top of her head, and I looked away as they kissed and hugged goodbye. “I’ll apologize to Zeke the next time I see him.” Jed called out as he walked to the front door. “Try to make things easier for you two.”

“Thank you.” I smiled brightly at him. “But don’t go too easy on him,” I cringed dramatically, “Have you seen what he did to your face?”

“Brat.” He groaned as he walked out the door with a wave .

It felt good to know he and I were on good terms again, considering we all lived on the same estate.

“So,” Elora steepled her fingers together in front of her as she looked at Carly. “Are the results in yet?”

“Huh?” I shook my head, once again confused by their internal banter.

“We took kink tests while we waited for you two to hug and make up.” Ellie prattled on as if it were a normal discussion.

“And that’s my cue to leave.” I shook my head, walking around the island for the exit.

“Not so fast.” Carly grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “You should take one.”

“No.” I shook my head so fast it nearly fell off my shoulders. “Nope.”

“Oh, come on,” Elora sighed. “Do you know what you’re into sexually?” When I glared at her, she had her answer. “Don’t you think it would be better to know ahead of time before you’re in the situation to be triggered by something you hate?”

“Ugh.” I groaned, hating that she was right because it was such foreign ground.

“She has a point. Let’s look at our results, and you can go from there.” Carly said, walking to the desk against the wall and pulling up the email with their results in it.

I eyed the door longingly as they pulled out the chairs to sit and look. But I hated to admit Elora was right. I had no idea what I liked in the bedroom.

Well, besides Zeke’s touch.

That got me all hot and bothered pretty quickly .

“I don’t think I’m kinky.” I shook my head, glancing over their shoulders as their results popped up in pie chart form. “What’s the term? Vanilla?”

Carly chuckled and pulled me over until I was sitting down next to her.

“A kink test doesn’t mean latex-wearing BDSM shit.

It just helps break down what kind of things you are interested in by using basic terms and general statements.

Look.” She pointed to her results and clicked the top result. “I’m a switch.”

“I have no idea what that means.” I deadpanned, winning a chuckle from Elora.

“It means,” Carly droned on dramatically, ignoring us, “That I like to be dominant and submissive.”

“I’m getting images in my head I shouldn’t have.” I shuddered, winning another round of laughs from the girls.

“Don’t think about Jed.” Carly groaned. “Think about you.” She switched screens to Elora’s results and snorted. “Sub.” She pointed out her top percentage. “No surprise there.”

“What’s that term mean?” I asked, falling into the conversation purely because my curiosity got the best of me.

“Rope bunny?” Carly asked, looking at her second highest rated result. “Means I like to be tied up and tie up—uh, my partner.”

“Eh.” I groaned, physically shaking out the images of Carly suspended in the air like a ham at a butcher’s shop.

“Do you like bondage?” She asked.

“No.” I replied instantly as I imagined lying in the center of my bed, tied to all four posts, helpless and at the mercy of the other person in the room.

But when I replaced that faceless monster in the corner with Zeke, the repulsion of the idea didn’t hit as hard.

In fact, something else tingled in my brain as I imagined it .

“Wait for it.” Elora whispered as I stared unseeingly at the computer screen.

Because I was now envisioning Zeke tied down in the center of my bed. Helpless and at my mercy, with his cock hard and ready for me, desperate for my touch as much as I was desperate to feel him.

“Maybe.” I tilted my head as I imagined him panting in desperation while I hovered just out of reach. “Him, not me.”

“There it is.” Carly mused. “See, you were all hard no at first, but now you’re imagining going full dominatrix on Zeke, aren’t you?”

“Skip the latex cat woman suit.” I blinked, clearing the erotic images from my head as Carly somehow swam around inside of my brain like she belonged there. “But maybe.”

“Noted.” She winked knowingly. “What else?” She looked back at her results and scrolled over each with her cursor, giving me time to read them and form an opinion in my head.

“Degradation is a hard no.” I shook violently at the idea. “No way.”

“Makes sense.” Carly said evenly, not dwelling on the trauma behind the emotion.

“Non-monogamous?” I questioned, “Like sister wives?” I asked as I saw her relatively high score for that topic.

“Like swinging.” She replied. “Not any less committed to your partner, but willing to share under certain circumstances.”

“Ha.” Elora snorted. “That won’t work for Laila.” She shook her head confidently as my own opinions were forming in my head. “She’s jealous. Possessive, if you will.”

“How do you know that?” Carly scowled at her best friend, and I shrugged my shoulders because Elora was right.

“Because I mentioned how Zeke treated other women around me over the years, and Laila went full space cadet and imagined their untimely demise before I even finished my sentence. ”

“I did not.” I rolled my eyes.

“Pretty close.” She smirked. “Either way, she’s not going to want to see Zeke give any other woman a second of attention around her.” She stared at me pointedly, “Are you?”

“No.” I answered evenly, “Not at all.”

“Good to know.” Carly added, scrolling again.

“What about voyeurism?” Elora asked, noting the high score on Carly’s sheet again. “Exhibitionism?”

“Like screwing in front of people?” I cringed.

“Or watching others have sex.”

“No.” I shook my head. Too many times in my life had I seen others screwing. “People actually like that?”

Carly snorted, and Elora chuckled. “Carly has an exhibitionism kink. So yes.”

My eyebrows rose to my hairline as I tried to imagine the appeal.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve been fucked up against your kitchen window while the gardener’s watch.” Carly shrugged nonchalantly, and my eyes drifted over to the large glass windows overlooking their lush backyard.

“I have no words.” I admitted.

“That’s fine.” Carly nodded and clicked on a new topic. “Ooh, what about role play?”

“Like doctor and nurse?” I recoiled. “Too cliché.”

“It doesn’t have to be a scene like that.” Elora said, “It could be as simple as using pet names for power play.”

“You say that’s simple, but I’m even more confused now.” I replied, unimpressed.

She rolled her eyes, “Like does the idea of calling Zeke, Daddy, excite you? ”

“Daddy?” I scowled. “Don’t you think I have enough daddy issues?”

“Yes.” Elora and Carly both said at the same time.

“But that’s exactly why you’d probably be into it.” Elora shrugged. “Ryker and my dad were best friends from childhood, yet I love a well-placed ‘Please, Daddy’ when I’m feeling particularly dirty.”

“I bet Ryker eats that up like catnip, too.” Carly joked.

“Spoon-fed catnip,” Elora confirmed. “Just keep it in the back of your head.”

“Zeke would make such a wonderful Daddy Dom.” Carly mused, leaning back in her chair. “With his seriousness and attention to detail.” She groaned. “I bet he’s a pleasure Dom.”

“Stop.” I snapped, feeling my body heat increase just thinking about Zeke being kinky like that.

“There’s that green-eyed monster.” Elora joked. “Can’t even let us talk about Zeke sexually.”

Carly laughed at my expense, but I wasn’t mad, because she was right. “I remember how I felt about Jed in the beginning, too.” She assured me, “I was very possessive too, but that lessens the longer you’re together and feel more confident in the strength of the relationship.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Elora challenged. “I’ll still cut a bitch for looking at Ryker with bedroom eyes.” She shrugged. “You included.” She smirked at her best friend.

“Ladies,” I intervened comically.

“Okay, back to the point.” Carly glared at Elora before looking back at me. “Here.” She grabbed a paper off the printer as it came out and handed it to me. “Take the test, think about the answers, and then we’ll plug them in and get your results.”

“Take the kink test?” I droned, “No. ”

“Yes.” She shoved the paper into my hand and closed it with hers. “You should know these answers before you enter a sexual relationship with someone who has so much more experience in the real world of sex.”

“Shut up.” I ripped the paper and my hand out of hers theatrically. “My green monster is growing.” I glared at her as I stood up, folding the paper up and putting it in my back pocket. “I have to go to therapy.”

“Have fun!” Carly called as I walked through her house. “Learn something.”

“Make wise choices!” Elora called out after her. Before I shut the front door behind me, she sang, “Our little girl is getting so grown up.”

I shook my head with a smirk on my face as I walked through the grass back to the barracks to drop off the offensive paper, burning a hole in my pocket before I left for therapy.

There was no way I was going to my session with that bomb in my pants.