Page 19 of Laila Manning (Shadeport Crew #3)

I felt like I was the user in the equation, having received pleasure without reciprocating any. Yet, that was what Zeke said he wanted. It was all uncharted territory for us both, and I think he was just being cautious, given how unpredictable my trauma and triggers were.

And I didn’t want to dwell on any of it. So, the next morning, I got up, got ready for the day, and went to hunt down my infuriatingly protective and caring brother .

I had to finish the argument he started last night in the driveway when I got home from work. Unconsciously picking a side, I left him standing there last night to find Zeke and check on him.

I just wish I hadn’t been put in that place to begin with.

“Ropes.” Carly snickered from her front porch as I walked up, face buried in her phone as Elora looked over her shoulder. “That’s so hot.”

“I prefer satin or silk.” Elora shrugged, “Less likely to leave bruises when Ryker gets rough.”

Carly chuckled and shook her head, still oblivious to my presence as I got to the bottom step. “I like wearing Jed’s mark.”

“Ew.” I cringed with a smirk, making my presence known, and they both looked up, snickering together.

Carly rolled her eyes and smiled at me. “Well, good morning, troublemaker.”

I ignored it and walked up the steps, forcing each foot in front of the next to get closer. Would it ever get easier to walk down paths?

“Is my wrist-branding brother here?” I asked, trying to keep things light and carefree.

“He isn’t.” Carly set her phone down and stared at me as Elora smirked over the top of her mug. “But he’ll be back in a few minutes with donuts. So, you can stay and wait.”

“I’ll just catch him at the garage.” I hooked my thumb over my shoulder and gave a slight wave as I went to make my exit.

“Not so fast.” She whipped back, halting me before my foot even lifted off the wooden porch. “Spill it.”

“What?” I crossed my arms over my chest and fought for control of the panic rising.

“Jed came home yesterday, broken and bloody from a fight with a man he had been friends with for years. And then when he tries to talk to you about it, you blow him off and go searching for that same stubborn and problematic man.”

“Zeke is not problematic!” I argued, scowling at her. Of course, Carly was going to choose Jed, that was obvious. But I wasn’t going to let her just throw Zeke, who was a good friend of hers as well, under the bus, not knowing the whole story.

She smirked and pursed her lips. “Interesting.”

“I thought she’d have a better poker face than that.” Elora quipped, leaning back in her chair. “She folded like paper in a hurricane.”

“Told ya she had it bad.” Carly added.

I shook my head and held my hand up, ceasing their annoying banter. “What is happening here?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Carly took her feet off the chair across from her and nodded to it. “What does matter is you telling us exactly what’s happening with Zeke.”

I groaned but sat down in the chair, because to be honest, I couldn’t internally dissect everything that transpired between us anymore without breaking my psyche completely. God knew it was fragile at best to begin with.

“I don’t even know how to answer that.”

“Start at the strip club.” Carly fired away instantly, ready for this conversation long before I was. “What happened after I left?”

I shrugged my shoulders, feeling stupid for saying it out loud. “He told me he wanted me.” I covered my face as Elora’s lit up and Carly smirked. “And that he would wait for me to come to him when I was ready.”

“Girl.” Elora gushed. “He’s so damn respectful.” She sighed, “It’s almost attractive.”

I snorted and relaxed a bit in the chair.

“Then what happened?” Carly pressed on .

“I did what any traumatized and damaged woman would do when a good man was interested in her.” I cocked my head to the side, as if the answer was obvious.

“You tried to scare him off.” Elora guessed and laughed when I looked at her, surprised that she knew my sarcastic answer.

She rolled her eyes and waved me off. “I’ve done my fair share of trying to run from Ryker in the past. Ask Carly,” She nudged her best friend.

“One time I hid at Carly’s, high off my ass, and he knocked her door down, carrying me out over his shoulder like a caveman.

” She giggled. “It was the hottest thing in the world.”

“It was annoying as hell. And you blew chunks in the front flowerbed of my building.” Carly challenged with a raised eyebrow before looking back at me. “What did you do to scare him off?”

I picked at a stray thread on my jeans, feeling the familiar waves of anxiety building from the embarrassing first moments between Zeke and me. “Ripped myself open to bleed at his feet so he’d know exactly how fucked up I am.”

Neither one had a quick, snappy remark to make like they were known for, and I think that was harder to swallow than what I actually said. Carly reached across the space and took my hand in hers, making my nose burn as tears tried to form in my eyes from her niceties. “It didn’t work, did it?”

I smiled sadly and squeezed her hand, “He’s headstrong.”

“Just like you.” She whispered proudly and leaned back in her seat. “If there is anyone out there strong enough to endure and carry the weight of your trauma on his shoulders for you, it’s Zeke.”

“I know.” I admitted, no longer interested in fighting the connection that seemed to be building between us. “I tell him the worst parts of me, and he just stands taller under the weight of it.” I scoffed dramatically. “It’s annoying, really. ”

They chuckled and waited for me to continue at my own speed.

“He kissed me.” I finally added. “Well, actually, that’s not true.” I smirked, remembering that night in the hallway after leaving him with the first journal entry. “He made me beg him to kiss me before he would.”

“That sounds about right.” Elora replied. “Leave it to Zeke to make sure you’re one hundred percent on board.”

“Was that your first genuine kiss?” Carly asked seriously, no doubt remembering my freak out when I admitted to her I’d never had consensual sex before.

“Yes.” I nodded. “And it was one for the history books.”

“So, are you two together?” Elora asked, cutting straight to the point.

I shrugged again, unsure. “I doubt he’d react well if I kissed someone else.”

“That’s probably pretty fucking accurate.” Carly joked and then nodded behind me. “Here comes Jed.”

The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I heard his footsteps near behind me on the sidewalk and then up the steps to the porch.

“Hey.” He said when I turned to look up at him towering over me. He had two boxes of doughnuts in his hands and a face full of bruises.

“Hi.” I sighed, taking in the cuts and swelling on the exposed parts of his face and arms. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.” He handed Carly the boxes and nodded at the front door. “Are you okay with going inside?”

I glanced at the ominous door but nodded before I could talk myself out of it. “Yeah.” I needed to talk to him without Carly and Elora’s penetrating gazes for a few minutes at least.

He walked inside, leaving the door open behind him as he took his leather jacket off and hung it on a hook in the hallway, cautiously watching me as I hesitated briefly at the doorway. But I forced my feet forward and shut the heavy oak door behind me as he moved to the kitchen.

“Can I get you some coffee or something?” he offered, pulling the pot out to pour himself a cup.

“I’m okay.” I declined. “I’m already an anxious mess without caffeine helping.” I tried to joke, but he grimaced as he poured sugar into his cup. “I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry.” He said at the same time, and we both paused in uncertainty before he went first. “I shouldn’t have bombarded you at the door last night. That wasn’t fair to you.”

“I’m sorry you’re in this position.” I stated plainly. “Honestly. I never intended for you to be so torn—”

He held his hand up and shook his head, “Stop.” He sighed and walked around the island, pulling a chair out for me and taking the other one so we were looking at each other.

“I’ve been wrong this entire time.” He started and took a deep breath.

“I guess it took Zeke physically beating some sense into me before I realized that my overbearing desire to keep you safe was ruining your chances of living your life how you see fit.”

I put my hand on his and fought emotions for the second time this morning as he softened himself for me. Jed was always protective and dominant, and I was sure only Carly and I ever saw the softer, caring side of him.

“I don’t want to choose between you and him. Or you and anyone else in the future, either.” I stated. “Because I’ll choose you. And it will only hurt our relationship to do that.”

He dropped his head. “I don’t want you to choose.” He lifted his head. “I just want what’s right for you. You deserve to have everything that you’ve been robbed of for so long. I want you to have the future that you’ve dreamed of.”

“I don’t even know what I want, Jed.” I smiled reassuringly. “I’m figuring it out as I go, and I’m trying to heal the past as I plan for the future.”

“And Zeke helps with that somehow?” Jed questioned. “He said you talk to him.” His throat clearing implied the words were hard for him to utter. “That you tell him things about your past.” He looked back up at me. “Things you don’t tell me.”

“They aren’t things you should hear.” I shook my head, believing every word wholeheartedly.

“I’m your family, Laila. Your blood. I can take it.”