Page 1 of Knot Enough (Fruity Omegas #1)

L ydia

I paced around the room, resisting the urge to pull at my hair.

It needed to be perfect; I needed to look perfect before meeting this pack, my pack.

I shook my head at the thought. No, Lydia, they aren't yours, yet.

Yes, they are your scent matches; yes, they're all very handsome; and yes, they’re all your type, but will they want an omega like you?

"Lydia?" A young beta woman walked into the room. Halting my pacing, I turned towards her.

"Yes?" I squeaked out. The beta's eyes softened when she saw how nervous I looked.

"The Jameson pack is here. Do you want me to let them in?

" She asked with a soft expression on her face.

I feel my whole body heat up at the idea of meeting them.

I still couldn't believe it when an offer to be courted was delivered to me.

It had only been a few months since I presented as an omega and joined the institution to find a pack.

I still couldn't believe this was happening.

"Yes, please."

Quack! Quack! Quack!

The noise had me groaning. Every night for the last six months, the memories of the Jameson Pack have invaded my dreams. I couldn’t sleep a wink without seeing one of their faces.

There was a dull ache thumping in the back of my head.

It seemed like every morning I woke up, I had a headache.

A part of me wanted to laugh at the dumb ringtone I chose, and another wanted to shoot myself for it.

Yes, Lydia, let's choose the sounds ducks make to wake you up every morning.

Great idea. I sat up with squinted eyes to look for my phone.

At some point during the night, it was tossed onto the floor.

I only set the alarm to remind myself to reapply to my dorm at the institution.

Why am I even doing it anyway? There's no reason for me to be here.

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind and got up.

The idea of finding an apartment and moving felt way too tiring.

So, instead, I'd rather be a waste of resources for the institution to feed and shelter .

I hated my room. It was big and spacious and it felt like it was meant for two people instead of just me.

I'm sure the institution was trying to do me a favor.

I wish they hadn't. But, it was still the one place I could go where I didn't get looks of pity, remorse, or concern.

Pulling on a random shirt and shorts I found on the floor, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair.

I avoided my image in the mirror. A metal cage was blocking my view a bit, but I knew if I looked hard enough, I'd see the dark circles and pale skin.

My stomach rumbled from not having eaten dinner or lunch yesterday, and I started feeling nauseous.I ignored it.

It took me about 5 minutes to get ready and leave my dorm. I was almost to the front desk when I bumped into something that smelled like a bakery and fell on my butt.

"Sorry about that. I wasn't looking where I was going." A young male voice called out from above me. I gathered myself and noticed a new admission paper on the ground. It made my heart shrivel up even more. I picked it up and dusted myself off.

"I'm sorry as well. It looks like you dropped this.

" I said, trying to push the lump of emotions out of the way.

I looked at the face of the man I bumped into.

He was about a year or two younger than me.

His hair resembled a dead bush with how dark and fluffy it was.

A part of me wanted to run my hands through it, but I quickly pushed that urge into the darkest corners of my mind.

I shouldn't be wanting to pet a stranger's head.

The man gripped the paper but did not move to take it from me.

Instead, he kept staring at me. The intensity in his eyes made me feel uncomfortable.

I shuffled on my feet and looked away when a voice called out to me.

"Lydia! There you are! I've been waiting for you!" Jessica yelled from her desk. She was the person I needed to see for my renewal paperwork.

"I'll be there in a minute!" I yelled back. Turning back at the man in front of me, I quickly squeaked out "I hope you find your pack," before walking past him.

“It was nice meeting you!” The man called out from behind me. I pretended to not hear what he said. I already embarrassed myself enough as is. When I got to Jessica's desk, She looked me up and down with disapproval. Jessica was nice enough, but I hated how she fussed over me.

"You've lost more weight since I last saw you. Are you sure you're eating?" She asked as she handed me the paperwork. I kept my gaze on the sheet of paper rather than her. I had a feeling she would be able to tell I was lying if I looked directly at her.

"Yes, I am. I just took up running as a hobby." I lied while signing my name.

"But you hate running." Jessica retorted. Her words had me wincing. She was right. I did hate running, and I hated how she knew that .

"I'm starting to like it. Nothing beats sweating and being out of breath." I said quickly, handing back the paperwork to her. She gave it a cursory look over it.

"You know I'm here for you. You've been through a lot recently, and many omegas wouldn't have been able to handle what you have.

You don't have to do this by yourself. That boy was nice enough. Why don’t you try and get to know him?

" She continued. Her words were like being shot in the gut, but instead of bursting into tears, I put on my best smile yet.

"Thanks, but really, I'm doing fine; no need to worry.

" I insisted. Jessica raised her eyebrow but didn't say anything else.

I waved goodbye and returned to my room as quickly as possible.

I slammed the door behind me and slumped to the floor.

Tears fell from my face, and I slammed my fist onto the marble floor before pulling at my hair.

I wasn't fine. The thought of food made me want to puke.

I didn't want to shower, bathe, or, hell, even get out of bed.

What's the point of it all? My parents stopped talking to me because they thought it was my fault.

But it was, wasn't it? It's all my fault.

What the hell was I supposed to do? How the hell am I supposed to get better when there's nothing to look forward to?

When I'm the reason I'm in this situation in the first place. I ended up passing out on my front entrance floor. Like always, the dreams of a past I’d rather forget began again.

"Hey Lydia, can you come here?" Logan called out from where I was snuggled on a reading chair.

I smelled him before he appeared in front of me.

His vanilla, cream, and chocolate scent always made me crave cookies and cream ice cream.

He was the quietest alpha, preferring his books and video games.

I liked that about him; it was nice being able to just exist in the same room as him and both be working on different things.

I placed my book down and walked over to him.

"Yeah, sure, what's up?" I asked. He smiled at my immediate attention. My head relaxed against his hand as he petted my hair as a reward.

"I had a few questions about what we discussed last night. Let's head to my office." Logan explained.

"Okay," I said, my smile disappearing as I followed him into his home office.

Last night, we discussed my limits and things I felt comfortable doing with them.

I thought I explained everything well. What did he need to ask?

Once inside, I sat in one of the chairs he had in his office while he took the seat behind his desk.

He flipped his computer around to show me his screen.

On it, in large font, was the term "Asexual. "

"I know you didn't use any terms last night, but I wanted to clarify. You identify as asexual, right?" He asked. I nodded, confused about where this was going .

"That's the technical term, yes. Not many people know the term, and I don't like putting labels on things. Asexuality describes how I feel on the inside, but I am who I am. I don't need a label to know what I feel." I explained. Logan remained silent as he listened and nodded.

"I see. Do you think there's a medical reason why you feel like that?

There's even treatments we could try to see if they work.

" He suggested. My heart stopped. Did he seriously think that the reason I didn't feel comfortable having sex or not wanting to be naked in front of another person was because there was something wrong with me?

"No, I don't. I've always felt this way.

Ever since I was young, there isn't a medical reason why I'm like this.

Are you not happy with me?" I asked, keeping my voice as calm as I possibly could.

I get that how I felt was sometimes hard for people to get their heads around.

I didn't want to be mad at him for asking questions.

; he was genuinely trying to understand me.

Logan's expression was hard as I asked him that question.

Dread filled my chest. If my scent matches couldn't love me for who I am, who would?

All the boyfriends I've had before them rejected me because I wouldn't have sex with them.

I was always honest at the start of the relationships.

They would say they could handle it. They could love me.

Then, after a while, I'd find them in bed with someone else.

"Well, I have needs, Lydia." "What do you expect me to do, Lydia?"" You know our relationship wasn't serious, right? I'm waiting for my scent match."" Only a scent match could love you." They would all say the same things when asking to break it off.

"Of course not. We're happy to have found you, Lydia. I just wanted to ask," Logan explained. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but the doubt didn't stop.