Page 40 of King of Ashes (Kingdom of Sinners #4)

KEIRA

I ’d expected anger, maybe even denial, but as I watch Phoenix's face as the truth crashes over him, what I see is a man who’s had the rug pulled out from under him.

My heart breaks at what he must be feeling knowing his father had kept the truth from him.

That my father not only killed his family, but the family we could have had all these years.

I’m not sure how to help him except to explain it all. “After the fire, they sent me away. If you’d come back, I wouldn’t have been here.”

He looks at me, and all I see is a man lost.

“After she was born, I came home with Brigit but as my god-sister.

My parents said if I ever claimed her as my own, they would send her away where I'd never see her again.

So I agreed to their terms. I could keep her close if I pretended she wasn't mine.

But I loved her like a daughter. And every day, I looked at her and saw you.

She was all I had left of you, Phoenix. The only proof that what we had was real. "

I go to him, kneeling in front of where he sits in my chair.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from my father.

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you about our daughter.

I'm sorry for every moment you missed with her.

" I look up at him, hoping he hears my sincerity.

"And I'm sorry that when you came back, I was too afraid to tell you the truth.

I was trying to protect her from more pain—from more violence. That's all I've ever tried to do."

I lower my eyes, unable to bear the storm of emotions crossing Phoenix's face. "I understand why you hate me. I've always understood. Your family was murdered because of me, because we fell in love. Because I got pregnant with your child."

I lift my gaze to his. "Please, Phoenix. Brigit is innocent in all of this. She's just a child. Our child. Don't punish her for what happened between us, for what my father did to your family."

My fingers tighten around his, desperate for him to understand. “You can hate me. You can make me pay for everything my family did. I'll accept whatever punishment you think I deserve. But please, I'm begging you, don't hurt Brigit. Don't make her suffer for sins she had no part in."

Phoenix stares down at me, his expression unreadable. "Is that what you think of me? That I would hurt a child? My own child?"

The disbelief in his voice makes me flinch. "I don't know who you are anymore," I say truthfully. "The Phoenix I loved would never harm a child, but the man who came back…" I trail off, unable to finish.

"You think I would use our daughter against you?" His voice is dangerously quiet.

I force myself to meet his gaze. "You threatened her before you even knew who she was. You said you'd find her to control me. I've spent all these years protecting her from my parents' world. Can you blame me for being afraid you'd use her as leverage? That you might take her away to punish me?"

I swallow hard. "Or worse, that you'd look at her and see nothing but a Kean, nothing but the family that destroyed yours."

I stare at Phoenix, waiting for his rage, his rejection, his judgment. But all I see is vulnerability.

“Keira.” Phoenix pushes from the chair, lowering himself to his knees before me. His hands reach for mine, hesitant at first, then gripping them firmly. "I was so consumed with vengeance that I couldn't see beyond anything but my own pain."

A muscle works in his jaw as he struggles with words. “I should have come for you. Should have known you would never betray me, trusted what we had. I just…” He looks down. “I came back to punish you, to make you suffer, thinking the worst of you, and all this time, you were protecting our child.”

His thumb gently wipes a tear from my cheek. "I'm sorry, Keira. For everything I've put you through since I came back. For not giving you a chance to explain. For letting my thirst for revenge blind me to the truth."

His forehead drops to rest against mine. "Ten years you carried this burden alone. Ten years I missed with our daughter." He lifts his head. “God, she must be terrified of me.”

I stare at Phoenix, unable to fully process the transformation happening before me. This man who returned with vengeance in his heart now kneels before me, pain in his eyes, speaking words I never thought I'd hear.

"I want to know her, Keira. I want to be her father. I want to make up for all the time I've lost with both of you." His hands tighten around mine. "But I know I haven't earned that right. Not after how I've treated you. Not after the threats, the humiliation, the pain I've caused."

He takes a deep breath. "If you want out of this marriage, I'll understand. I'll let you go—you and Brigit. You can be free of me, of all of this."

My breath catches. Is he offering me freedom? After everything that's happened, after the loyalty pledge, after parading me in front of Boston's underworld as his conquest?

"What?" I whisper, not trusting my ears.

"I won't force you to marry a man you fear. I won't make our daughter grow up watching her mother suffer."

The sincerity in his eyes makes my heart ache. This is the Phoenix I remember, the one who would sacrifice his own happiness for mine.

"But if you stay, I swear to you, Keira, I will spend every day trying to be worthy of you both. I will be the husband you deserved ten years ago. I will be the father Brigit needs."

He cups my face in his hands, his touch gentle.

“You won’t believe this, but I never stopped loving you.

Even when I thought I hated you, even when I was planning my revenge—some part of me still loved you.

" His thumbs brush away my tears. "I buried that love under anger and pain, but it never died.

And now, knowing what you've endured, what you've sacrificed for our daughter…

I love you more than I ever thought possible. "

I stare at Phoenix, his words echoing in my mind. Freedom. He's offering me freedom after everything. But is that what I want? What Brigit needs?

The truth is, I want what Phoenix offered me ten years ago.

For the first time since his return, I feel it’s possible.

But I’m not a na?ve eighteen-year-old anymore.

I’ve seen what the last ten years have done to Phoenix.

I’d be a fool to think that in the span of the last few minutes the brutal, vengeful part of him is completely gone.

But I also understand that this moment is more about me and Phoenix and Brigit. Our world is unstable. The Ifrinns, while showing their authority, need to solidify it. I understand that this marriage is a part of that. The stronger Phoenix is, the safer Brigit is.

I stand, needing space to consider the best option for me and Brigit. Phoenix releases my hands, letting me go.

"The families who pledged loyalty today did so because they believe in the union of Ifrinn and Kean. If I walk away now, what happens to that peace?” I move to the window, looking out, thinking about the people who've come to witness not just a wedding, but a shift in power.

"Our marriage gives her legitimacy in this world. It gives her protection. As much as I wanted to shield her from all this, she was born into it. We can't change that."

I turn back to Phoenix. He’s standing, watching me, and I see him now with new eyes. Not the boy I loved, not the vengeful man who returned, but something in between. Someone trying to merge the two and find his way as both.

"I'll marry you today," I tell him. "For Brigit. For the stability it brings. For the chance to build something better than what came before us."

I step closer to him, reaching up to hold his face between my palms. "But know this. My trust isn't something you can demand or take. It's something you'll have to earn back, day by day. I loved you once with my whole heart. Part of me never stopped. But love isn't enough without trust."

His hands come up to cover mine. "I understand. And I'll spend the rest of my life earning back what I destroyed."

"We need to talk to Brigit," I say, my voice steadier now. "She must be terrified."

Phoenix nods, a flash of regret crossing his features. "I never meant for her to see that. I didn't know—" He stops himself. "It doesn't matter what I didn't know. She's my daughter, and I scared her."

I nod.

“Do we tell her? Of course we do, but when? Now?” His energy changes. It builds into an excitement. A joy. A lightness I haven't seen since he returned.

“Now is a good time.” The wedding can wait.

Phoenix must think so too as he says, “Let's go.” He offers me his hand.

We walk together to Brigit's room where Phoenix’s guards stand outside the door. “You can go,” he tells them. As they walk off, he says, “I won’t put guards like that again, Keira, I promise. I won’t be like your father.”

I squeeze his hand, hope building in me that everything will work out.

We open the door.

Nanny Fiona jumps up from where she was sitting, ready to protect Brigit. “Is everything alright, Miss Keira?" she asks, her gaze darting suspiciously to Phoenix.

“Everything is fine. I promise. We need to speak with Brigit.” I squeeze Phoenix’s hand.

Nanny Fiona's posture remains rigid, protective. "She's still upset from what happened downstairs."

"I know," Phoenix says, his voice gentle in a way that surprises me. "That's why we're here."

When we enter, Brigit shrinks back, her eyes wide with fear as she looks at Phoenix. My heart breaks seeing her afraid of her own father.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I say, sitting on the edge of her bed and reaching out my hand to her. "We need to talk to you about something important." She comes to me, throwing herself in my arms.

Phoenix stands awkwardly at the foot of the bed as Brigit eyes him warily. “I’m sorry I frightened you, Brigit. I owe you and Nanny Fiona an apology.”

"Why is he being nice now?" Brigit whispers to me, loud enough for Phoenix to hear. "Is it a trick?"