Page 23 of King of Ashes (Kingdom of Sinners #4)

"The prettiest dress we can find. First I need help with floral arrangements." I pull up images of flowers, feeling bad that if things go as planned, she won’t be wearing a pretty dress, at least not at my wedding. She’ll be on a plane heading for a better life.

"I like the purple flowers best," Brigit declares, pointing at a lavender arrangement.

"Those are lovely," I agree, making notes while keeping my voice steady. "What about these for the centerpieces?"

While we discuss ribbons and cake flavors, my mind races through contingency plans.

Should I tell her she might need to take a trip soon?

Prepare her for separation without frightening her?

Will it slip out? I hate to whisk her away without a goodbye, but I can’t risk anyone finding out and stopping me.

"Can I be in your wedding?" Brigit asks, her eyes shining with excitement. "Like a flower girl? Lila was one at her aunt's wedding and got to throw rose petals everywhere!"

My heart constricts as I watch her enthusiasm.

She's bouncing slightly in her chair, already imagining herself in a special dress, being the center of attention.

The image would be perfect, my daughter walking ahead of me down the aisle, not knowing she's participating in a ceremony uniting her real parents.

"You'll definitely be part of the day, sweetheart," I say carefully, choosing my words with precision. "You'll stand with the family as my support. That's even more important than being a flower girl."

Her smile falters. "But no petals?"

I brush a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I think it's better if you stand with Nanny Fiona during the ceremony. You'll have a special seat right in the front row where I can see you."

"Will I still get a pretty dress?" she asks.

"The prettiest dress we can find.” I hate deceiving her.

She considers this, her little brow furrowed in thought. "Okay," she finally decides. "As long as I get to be with you."

"Always," I whisper, pulling her close and breathing in the scent of her hair. "You'll always be with me."

Even as I say the words, I know they’re a lie if my plan works. She'll be far away from me soon, safe from Phoenix's revenge. And if he discovers who she really is, I might lose her anyway.

“Can I make the flowers? I can draw what they look like,” Brigit says. It warms my heart how much she wants to be a part of this even as she doesn’t like Phoenix. She’s doing it for me.

“That would be lovely.”

She leaves her chair and goes to her art area near the window. Her tongue peeks out in concentration as she begins sketching flower arrangements for the wedding.

"I'm going to draw the prettiest flowers ever," she declares, not looking up from her paper. "With butterflies too!"

"That sounds beautiful, sweetheart. I need to speak with Nanny Fiona about your dress.” I motion for Nanny Fiona to meet me at the other side of the room, away from the door where my guard is stationed and from Brigit.

"I need your help, Fiona. We have to get Brigit out of here."

“I’ve wondered if you and Mr. Ifrinn had plans.”

“I have plans. He can’t know. It’s a lot to ask of you and if it’s too much, just tell me.”

Nanny Fiona's eyes widen, but she doesn't look surprised. “I’m committed to Brigit and you.”

"There's money," I continue, words tumbling out urgently.

"In a Swiss account under the name Catherine Doyle.

It was my grandmother's maiden name. I've been adding to it for years. There is enough for her to go to private school and for you to live near her, at least for a few years.” I pray I can continue to make money in secret to fund their lives until Brigit turns eighteen. Another reason for me to be compliant with Phoenix. Maybe he’ll let me have my laptop back and I can continue to write and publish in secret to insure Brigit has all she needs.

Fiona nods, her face set with determination despite the fear in her eyes. “I’ll do whatever is needed.”

"Perfect." I grasp her hands. "The account information is hidden in a book in my room, Jane Eyre , page ninety-four. There's enough for new identities, new papers. Enough to keep you both comfortable for years."

Fiona squeezes my fingers. "What about you, Miss?"

I shake my head, willing tears to stay at bay. "I can't come. Phoenix would hunt us all down if I disappeared.”

"You know I'd die before letting anything happen to that child," Fiona says fiercely. "She's been mine since the day she was born."

I look down because as much as I love to hear that, it hurts too. Brigit is mine and no one knows it but me and my parents.

"I know. That's why it has to be you."

I spend the next hour coloring with Brigit and then go back to my room to finish wedding preparations. I eat my meals in my room and successfully avoid seeing Phoenix all day.

That night, I’m sitting in the window seat ready for bed but unable to sleep. I’m going over and over again the plans Nanny Fiona and I have made to use the distraction of the wedding to sneak her and Brigit out of the home.

My door opens without a knock and Phoenix strides in. "I assumed you'd be asleep by now.” He closes the door behind him.

“Did you come to watch me sleep?” The fact that he thought I’d be sleeping suggests he was thinking of doing something unsavory.

“No.” He crosses the room with predatory grace, and I steel myself for what's coming. After the humiliation at dinner last night, after that searing kiss, I can’t help but think he’s come to claim what he believes is his.

I lift my chin, determined not to show fear. "Let's get this over with."

Phoenix stops, his expression shifting. "Get what over with?"

"Isn't that why you're here?" My voice is steadier than I feel. "To remind me of whom I belong to now?"

Something flickers across his face, surprise, perhaps even regret. He runs a hand through his dark hair and takes a step back, creating space between us.

"I didn't come here for that," he says, his voice lower than before. "I came to… apologize."

Of all the things I expected him to say, that wasn't one of them. I blink, certain I've misheard. "You came to what?"

Phoenix sucks in a breath. "At dinner last night. With that dress. All of it.”

I remain silent, searching his face for deception.

"This marriage doesn't have to be…" He pauses, seeming to search for the right words. "It doesn't have to be filled with hatred, Keira. We have history. Before everything went wrong, we had something good."

"You think we can go back to that?" I ask, incredulous. "After everything you've done?" I told him I’d never forget and within a day, he’s asking me to do just that.

"Not back," he says. "Forward. Something different. Something that doesn't destroy us both."

I search his face for signs of manipulation, but what I find instead makes my heart bloom with hope that the man I once loved isn’t completely gone. Of course, I’d be an idiot to think there’s enough of that man left to override this new version, so I push away sentiment.

"Forward," I repeat.

He nods.

I stand, needing distance to keep me strong. "I'll be what you need me to be in public, Phoenix. I'll stand beside you at the wedding and play my part in your revenge. I'll be the dutiful wife who helps cement your position."

His eyes darken. "And in private?"

"In private…" I take a steadying breath. "I can't forget the man who humiliated me in front of your associates, your brothers and their wives, who made me feel like property rather than a person."

"Keira—"

"I'll try," I cut him off. "For both our sakes, I'll try to find a way forward. But don't ask me to pretend the past few days never happened. Don't ask me to forget who you've become."

His expression looks pained. Is it guilt?

Whatever it is, for a moment, I want to soothe it.

I close my eyes as I’m forced to acknowledge that the line between hating Phoenix and wanting him is easily blurred when he’s not being a jerk.

My body remembers his touch even as my mind catalogs his cruelties.

My heart recalls his tenderness even as it guards against fresh wounds.

I don't know if I can trust this change in him. I don't know if I can trust myself.