Page 38 of King of Ashes (Kingdom of Sinners #4)

KEIRA

I was a fool. A complete and utter fool.

How could I think they could sneak out in the confusion of the day? If he had me under guard, he probably had Brigit as well. I underestimated him and now, in one moment of desperate miscalculation, I've put everything at risk. Put Brigit at risk.

“Phoenix, please.” I hold my child to me, guilt rising that she has to experience this horror because of my stupidity.

Phoenix's gaze swings toward me, his expression hardening into something unrecognizable. The man I made love to last night is gone. He’s now the cold-eyed killer I’ve come to fear.

I should have known better than to trust the moments of tenderness between us. Should have been more careful with my plans.

Should have, should have, should have.

My mind races through possibilities, excuses, explanations—anything to save my daughter. But what can I possibly say? That I was sending my "god-sister" away for her own protection? That I didn't trust Phoenix not to use her against me?

Maybe I should reveal the truth. Maybe if he knew Brigit was his daughter, he wouldn't hurt her. But what if that knowledge makes things worse? What if he sees her as another Kean to punish?

He turns his gaze back to the man holding Nanny Fiona. “Bring her here.”

My body moves before my mind can catch up. I push Brigit behind me as I turn to Phoenix. The look in his cold, detached eyes sends ice through my veins.

"Phoenix, please. Nanny Fiona has nothing to do with any of this. She's loyal to me, not to my parents."

Phoenix’s men push Nanny Fiona down until her knees hit the floor. Her face is ashen, but her eyes meet mine with the same steadfast devotion she's shown since coming into my and Brigit’s life.

I push Brigit further behind me, my arm stretched back to hold her in place. My fingers grip her small shoulder, feeling her trembling beneath my touch.

"If you want to punish someone, punish me," I plead. I move to the tarp and drop to my knees. "Fiona was just following my orders. She's innocent in all this."

The room falls silent. My parents remain on their knees, and for once, they stay silent. Perhaps they finally understand the consequences of their actions. Perhaps they finally see what their ambition has cost us all.

"Phoenix," I whisper, trying to find any trace of the man I once loved in those hardened eyes. "Please. Take me instead," I say, my voice steadier than I feel. "Let them go, and I'll do whatever you want. My life for theirs."

My heart pounds so violently, I'm certain everyone can hear it. The faces of Boston's most powerful families blur around me as I focus solely on Phoenix's hardened expression. Somewhere behind me, I hear Brigit whimper, and it takes everything in me not to turn to her.

“Phoenix.” Ash steps up behind him, putting his hand on his shoulder. He leans in, whispering something in his ear.

His jaw tightens as he shrugs off Ash’s hand.

"This isn't about her.” I gesture toward Brigit without looking away from him. "She's innocent. She deserves a chance at a life without all this violence and revenge."

“No, you can’t.” Brigit moves toward me, but Blaise stops her.

“Your quarrel is with me and my parents. Not with a child who's done nothing wrong.” Please, God, help me find the words to save Brigit and Nanny Fiona.

“Phoenix.” This time, it’s Blaise who has positioned himself between Brigit and him. “She doesn’t need to watch this.”

I turn to look at Brigit, my heart breaking at the sight of her wide, terrified eyes. Tears stream down her face, her small body trembling uncontrollably.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I say, forcing a calmness into my voice I don't feel. "Look at me, Brigit. Just look at me."

Her eyes find mine, desperate for reassurance I'm not sure I can honestly give. But I have to try. For her.

"I love you. More than anything." Inside, my stomach twists with fear so potent it's like acid burning through me.

I watch Phoenix's face, searching desperately for any sign of mercy.

"Take them back to their rooms," Phoenix orders, his voice emotionless. "Double the guard. No one enters or leaves without my explicit permission."

Relief floods through me, even as I know this isn’t resolved. At least for now, they’ll be safe. But the momentary relief evaporates when Phoenix's cold eyes lock with mine.

"I'll deal with you later," he says, each word slicing through my heart.

A guard grips my arm, pulling me to my feet and marching me away. I’m tugged upstairs behind Nanny Fiona and Brigit.

“Please, can we all be in the same room?” I ask the man hauling me upstairs.

“Boss says back to your rooms.”

“I want to be with Keira,” Brigit cries, trying to break from the guard’s grip.

"It's okay, sweetheart,” I try to soothe her, although it’s quite possible I’m lying to her.

I’m pushed into my room, the door slamming behind me. Something inside me finally breaks. My legs give out and I crumple to the floor, my wedding dress billowing around me. The sobs that come from me are deep and primal.

I've failed her. My beautiful daughter. The one person I swore to protect above all others.

I drag myself to the bathroom and vomit. My hands shake violently as I splash cold water on my face, avoiding my reflection in the mirror. I can't bear to see the woman who put her child in danger.

Back in the bedroom, I sit on the edge of the bed, feeling helpless, hopeless.

A soft knock interrupts my spiraling thoughts. The door opens before I can respond, and Jenna slips inside.

"I was checking the flower arrangements when I heard… commotion," she says hesitantly, closing the door behind her. "I wanted to check if you're okay."

A bitter laugh escapes my throat. "Okay? My fiancé wants to execute me and my daughter."

The words hang between us before I realize what I've admitted. It isn’t until Jenna's eyes widen that I realize I’ve made another error. After ten years of guarding this secret, I've just blurted it out to a virtual stranger.

"Brigit is your daughter?" Jenna whispers, crossing the room to sit beside me.

“Yes. I don't care what happens to my parents.

I don't care about their empire or their power or their money.

I never did. Let Phoenix take it all. Let him destroy everything they built.

I don't care." I look up at Jenna. "I only ever cared about Brigit.

Everything I've done, every humiliation I've endured, every compromise I've made, it’s all been for her. To keep her safe. And now…"

My voice breaks as fresh tears come. "Now I've failed her. Phoenix is going to kill her to punish me, and she'll never even know I'm her mother."

Jenna stares at me, her mouth slightly open in shock. I can see the wheels turning behind her eyes as she processes what I've just confessed.

“Phoenix won’t harm a child. He won’t kill you, either.” She’s trying to soothe me just like I tried to do with Brigit.

“You don’t know that.”

She takes my hand. “She doesn’t know you’re her mother?”

I shake my head. "No one knows except my parents." I wipe furiously at my tears. "My parents forced me to hide it. They were going to marry me off to someone else, make a profitable alliance. They couldn’t try to pass me off as a virgin if I were a mother."

She squeezes my hand. "That's why you never married anyone else."

"I couldn't leave her. And I couldn't tell anyone the truth. So I stayed, playing their games, pretending she wasn't mine while loving her more than my own life."

“If you’ve never been with anyone…” Realization comes to her eyes. “Oh… she’s Phoenix’s daughter too?”

I grip both her hands with mine. “You can’t tell anyone. Not even Blaise. Promise you won’t say a word. I don’t know what he’ll do if he finds out.”

"But Phoenix is her father," Jenna says softly. "Don't you think he has a right to know?"

"The Phoenix I knew ten years ago? Yes. But this man?

" I shake my head vigorously. "You should have seen his face when they brought Nanny Fiona and Brigit in. He’s in the middle of proving his dominance. He can’t let this pass without risking looking weak.

" Another wave of nausea hits as I think about what he could do.

And I brought this on. This is all my fault.

“How come you didn’t tell him when you found out you were pregnant?”

"Before I could tell him, my father discovered my secret.

He locked me in my room, cut off all contact.

A few days later, they told me Phoenix and his family were dead.

" I cover my face with my hands as if that will stop the memories.

“My father threatened to force me to terminate the pregnancy, but I fought them on that. The baby was all I had left of Phoenix. My parents agreed to let me have her and keep her as long as no one knew the truth.”

"That's monstrous," Jenna whispers.

"All these years, they've used Brigit to keep me in line. Every time I threatened to leave, they reminded me that they had legal custody. That I had no rights to my own daughter."

“Maybe now is the time to tell the truth. Whatever Phoenix has become, I don't believe he'd harm Brigit, especially if he knew she was his daughter."

I shake my head, unconvinced. "You didn't know him before. The change in him… He's capable of anything now."

"I've seen how Blaise looks at him when Phoenix goes too far," Jenna insists. "His brothers keep him in check. And you should have seen how protective he was of Hannah when she was hurt."

"That's different. Hannah is family. Brigit is…" I swallow hard. "In his eyes, she's a Kean."

Jenna takes my hands in hers. "Except she’s an Ifrinn too.”

I pull my hands away and rise from the bed, not needing her support if she’s going to betray me.

And of course she will. Her first duty is to Blaise, whose first duty is to Phoenix.

“Are you willing to risk my life… Brigit’s life on that?

He’s down there executing men who he feels betrayed him.

What will knowing about Brigit prove except that I’ve betrayed him?

And being raised as a Kean, he’ll see her as being like me and my parents. ” My voice is shrill and desperate.

She stands, looking at me with sympathy. “Okay. I promise I won't tell anyone about Brigit." She squeezes my fingers. "But I think you should consider telling Phoenix yourself. When things calm down."

I laugh bitterly. "When will that be? After he's finished destroying everything and everyone I care about?"

"I know it seems impossible right now," she says. "But the man you loved is still in there somewhere. I've seen glimpses of him.” She gives me a hug. "Try to rest. I'll check on Brigit for you."

"Thank you. Please make sure she's okay." I can’t imagine how terrified she is. “Tell her I’m okay.”

Jenna nods and moves toward the door. “I will.” She opens the door, and my world stops. Blaise stands in the doorway. His eyes flick from Jenna to me, then back again.

"How long have you been standing there?" Jenna asks.

“Long enough.”

Panic explodes in my chest. I rush to him, dropping to my knees. "Please," I beg, looking up at Blaise. "Please don't tell him. I'll do anything—anything you want. Just don't tell Phoenix about Brigit. She's innocent in all this. She doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle of our families' war."

I look at Jenna’s round belly then to him again. "You're going to be a father. What would you do to protect your child?"

My entire body trembles with fear. “Please.”

Blaise squats down in front of me. “My brother is not a monster, Keira.” He rises, looking at Jenna. “We’re expected downstairs.”

They head down the hall. Jenna looks over her shoulder back at me. Her face is filled with sympathy and sadness, but that won’t save me and Brigit.

For a moment, I wonder if by sheer will I could get Brigit and escape through one of the many hidden passageways. But as my guard repositions himself outside my door, I know that’s impossible.

I have to accept that all is lost.