Page 15 of King of Ashes (Kingdom of Sinners #4)

KEIRA

A wedding. My wedding to Phoenix Ifrinn, the man who once held my heart and now wants to crush it beneath his heel. How am I supposed to plan a celebration for my own public humiliation?

I can’t think about that part. I need to focus on the task and the new freedom I have. Granted, I can’t run away, but I have access to the house and technology. I can plan to have Brigit sent somewhere safe. Before I do anything, I need to see her, make sure she’s safe.

I open the door of my bedroom, finding a stern-faced man waiting. Phoenix's watchdog. I guess we’ll find out if I truly have freedom to roam the house or not.

"I need to check on my god-sister,” I say with as much authority as I can muster.

He raises an eyebrow. "Boss said you can move around, but I follow."

"Fine." I stride past him, not waiting for permission. "But understand something—Brigit is innocent in all of this. You need to stay away from her."

He shrugs like he doesn’t care one way or the other.

As we walk toward Brigit's room, my mind races. I need to convince Phoenix that he can trust me to toe the line and that Brigit doesn’t need to be under heavy guard. The fewer eyes on us, the easier it will be to sneak her away.

When I open the door and see her sitting on the bed with Nanny Fiona, the weight crushing my chest eases slightly. Brigit is safe.

"Keira!" Brigit jumps up, running toward me with outstretched arms.

I drop to my knees, pulling her into a tight embrace. Her small body feels so fragile against mine, yet she's the strongest thing in my world.

"Are you okay?" I pull back to examine her face.

She nods, but her eyes tell a different story. Fear lingers there, clouding their usual brightness.

"Nanny Fiona, could you give us a moment?" I ask, glancing at the doorway where my guard stands.

Once Fiona steps out, I sit on the edge of the bed, patting the space beside me. Brigit climbs up, tucking herself against my side.

"I was scared yesterday," she confesses in a small voice. "When those men came…"

My throat tightens. "I know, sweetheart. I was scared too."

“Where are?—”

“They’re in the basement,” I say, knowing she’s asking about my parents.

“Are they dead?” Brigit’s eyes are wide.

“No.” Not that I’m aware of. “They’re fine.”

"Who is that man? The one who found us in the attic?" Her fingers fidget with the hem of her shirt. "He looks at you like he's mad."

How do I explain Phoenix to her? The truth is too complicated, too dangerous.

"His name is Phoenix. He and his brothers used to be friends with our family a long time ago."

"But not anymore?”

I smooth her hair back from her forehead. "No, he's not. But I need you to know something important." I turn to face her fully. "No matter what happens, I will always protect you. Always."

She studies my face with those perceptive eyes that sometimes seem too wise for her nine years. “Why are they here? They seem meaner.”

That is saying something considering my parents’ cruelty knows no bounds.

“It’s a long story, baby.” And to be honest, I’m not sure how much to tell.

I’ve always tried to protect her from the realities of our lives, which has been hard lately.

Over the last year, we’ve been on lockdown as attacks have been made on us.

Now, I know Phoenix was behind those. My brother was killed in the cottage our gardener used to live in, and I can easily guess that was his bidding as well.

“Why don’t they like us anymore?”

I sigh. “Because we did something bad to them and they want to make it right.”

“I didn’t do anything. And you didn’t, did you?”

I shake my head. “No. That’s why we’ll be alright. This is still our home. Things are just changing a little."

"Are the scary men staying?”

"Yes, they'll be staying." I smooth her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. "Phoenix and his men will be here. You’ll see the same staff as well."

She frowns. "Do they all look mad like him?"

Despite everything, a small laugh escapes me. "No, not all of them. But they're very powerful men, Brigit, and it's important that we show them respect. Avoid them if you can."

"Like with your dad?" she asks, her voice dropping to a whisper.

My heart twists at the comparison. Hampton Kean had never shown this child an ounce of warmth.

“Yes. Stay with Nanny Fiona when I'm not around. If you see any of the men, be polite but keep your distance."

She nods solemnly. "Stay out of their way."

"Exactly. And if Phoenix or any of his brothers ever speaks to you?—"

"I should answer respectfully and then find you or Nanny right away," she finishes.

"That's my smart girl." I kiss her forehead, inhaling her sweet scent. "The most important thing is that we stick together. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes." She wraps her small arms around my neck again. "Will you still read to me at night?"

"I'll do my very best," I promise, not wanting to lie. Who knows if Phoenix will lock me up again? "And when I can't, Nanny Fiona will." Then I get an idea. “Maybe you can help with something. We’re going to have a big party and Phoenix wants me to plan it.”

Her eyes light up. “A party? With cake and everything?” I guess this situation doesn’t sound so bad to her after all. Good. I want to hide all the ugliness of our world from her.

"With cake and everything," I confirm. "It's going to be a very special celebration because it’s a wedding." My stomach knots. There was a time I wanted to marry Phoenix. The old adage, Be careful what you wish for , comes back to me.

“Who’s getting married?”

“Me and Phoenix.”

Her brow furrows. “Why? He’s so mean. In the books, the prince loves the princess.”

“Real life is different from books. But like I said, everything will be okay. We’ll have a big party and all the important families will come to see.”

"Will I be there too?” She bounces slightly on the bed.

"The prettiest dress we can find.”

Brigit tilts her head, studying me with those perceptive eyes. "Do you love him?"

Once, the answer would have been an unequivocal yes. Now…

"It's complicated, sweetheart." I take her small hands in mine. "Sometimes, marriages aren't just about love. Sometimes, they're about bringing families together."

She frowns, processing this. "I like my books better.”

“I know.” I squeeze her hands gently. "But that doesn't mean it can't still have happy moments."

"Will you be happy?" Her question is so direct, so innocent, it nearly breaks me.

"I'll have you," I say, but inside, my heart breaks because I’m already planning to send her far away from Phoenix. “And that makes me happier than anything in the world."

Her nose wrinkles. “But why him? I don’t like him. He’s mean.”

"He wasn't always like that. A long time ago, he was different."

"Different how?" Brigit pulls her knees up to her chest, curious despite her aversion.

"He used to smile. He loved books and could quote poetry without even trying. He taught me how to pick locks and climb trees."

The words flow easier than I expected. Over the last twenty-four hours, I learned the man I loved was still alive, but not the man I remembered, and yet, the memories are still there, sweet and pure.

"He sounds like a different person," Brigit says skeptically.

"He was." I pause, wondering if in my youth and innocence, I saw what I wanted to see. Maybe he’s always been like this.

Brigit's small hand covers mine. "Are you sad?"

“Sometimes. But I have you, and that's all that matters."

She wraps her arms around me and I return the hug, savoring the warmth and innocence of my child. Of Phoenix’s child. Brigit is the beautiful living proof of what Phoenix and I once shared.

Ten years ago, when I discovered I was pregnant, I knew my parents would be angry, but I understood our world enough to know that my father would see it as an opportunity to get closer to Patrick Ifrinn. He’d use it as an excuse to merge our families.

Apparently, Patrick Ifrinn didn’t care that his son had taken what wasn’t his to take nor felt the need for Phoenix to do right by me. And so my father destroyed him. As he set out to kill the Ifrinns and take over power, he’d locked me away, preventing me from contacting Phoenix.

And when it was over, they made me a deal. I could keep my baby close, but never as my daughter. They would claim her as a distant relative's orphaned child, their godchild, and I would play along or they would send her away where I'd never see her again.

I had no choice. Eighteen, heartbroken, believing Phoenix dead in that fire my parents orchestrated, I agreed to their terms. I would be Brigit's god-sister, her friend, anything but her mother in name.

In retrospect, maybe I should have let her go. Placed her for adoption. Then she wouldn’t be living in fear. But what’s done is done, right?

I wonder what Phoenix would do if he knew the truth? Would it snap him back to the wonderful man I’d fallen in love with, or would he use her as a weapon against me? I can’t afford to find out.

I can't risk finding out. Not when she's all I have left in this world. Not when she's the only pure thing to come from the love I once believed would last forever.

The guard knocks sharply on the door. "Time's up."

I give Brigit a final squeeze and stand. Phoenix may hate me now, but I'll endure whatever comes next to protect the secret sitting on this bed, the one beautiful thing we created before everything turned to ash.

"I'll see you later, okay?" I promise, forcing brightness into my voice.

Brigit nods. "Will you tell me more about the party later?"

"Of course, sweetheart." I smile, backing toward the door. "Start thinking about what color dress you want."

I blow her a kiss and then follow the guard down the corridor.

For ten years, I've lived a half-life. A mother but not Mother, always close but never close enough.

My sacrifice has been worth it. I've watched Brigit grow from a helpless infant into a bright, compassionate girl with Phoenix's sharp intelligence and my stubborn determination.

I've been there for every milestone, first steps, first words, first day of school.

All while pretending to be something less than what I am.

My parents thought they were punishing me, forcing me to hide my relationship to my own child.

Instead, they gave me the only thing that mattered.

Proximity. I would have agreed to anything to keep her close.

Some days, the pretense is crushing like when she runs to Nanny Fiona instead of me for comfort, when she calls me "Keira" instead of "Mommy”.

But now Phoenix has returned, bringing chaos and danger into our carefully constructed world. If he discovers the truth about Brigit…

Before, I could only think about keeping her near.

But with uncertain times and a vengeful Phoenix, I have to protect her by sending her away.

Perhaps a boarding school in Switzerland, far from Boston's violence and Phoenix's reach.

The thought of sending her away makes me physically ill, but her safety comes first. I have money my parents don't know about, emergency funds I've been squirreling away for years with my secret writing, preparing for a day I could leave. I imagined I’d run away with her. That won’t happen now.

For a moment, I let myself imagine us as a family.

I’ve fantasized about it often through the years.

Wishing Phoenix were alive and would save Keira and me.

He is alive and he’s returned, but he’s not here to save us.

He believes I betrayed him, that I was complicit in my family's treachery.

Would knowing about Brigit change that? Or would he simply see her as another Kean to punish?

I can't take that risk. Not with her life. Not with her happiness.

As I reach the main staircase, I straighten my shoulders.

I am not the frightened eighteen-year-old girl anymore who needs saving.

I am a mother, even if I can't claim the title openly.

And I will do whatever is necessary to keep my daughter safe, even if it means marrying the man who now hates me more than anyone else in the world.