Page 70 of Kilgannon #1

“And ye ken what happened to my cousin?” Murdoch’s eyes were bright.

I watched him talk, this enormous man who was Alex’s closest friend outside the clan, and I thought of Morag.

She and Murdoch had married at Dunvegan in Skye in the early summer, on a rainy—what else this year?

— day in June. The talk at the wedding had not been of the beautiful bride, though she had been, or of the fortunate groom, but of James Stewart.

When the dancing was well under way, Morag had approached and embraced me.

I’d murmured something polite in response as she followed my gaze across the room to where Murdoch and Alex stood with a group of men.

“Who knows how long I’ll have my husband home.

Or ye yers.” Her eyes met mine, a deep sadness overlaying the happiness of the day.

“James Stewart might have other plans. I’ve been foolish, Mary,” she sighed, “keeping him waiting for so long while I was waiting for Alex. I dinria ken how much he meant to me, and now I may lose him. I have no wish to be a bride and a widow at once.” She’d left me staring after her, and I remembered the moment now as I listened to her husband’s arguments.

Morag , I thought, I would not have wished this for you.

We had visitors or letters almost daily, and although I tried to believe Alex would not agree to join the rebellion, my hopes dimmed with every discussion.

Angus worked the men very hard, drilling them in swordplay and horsemanship until they dropped, and the meadow was filled with the sounds of men shooting their pistols at targets.

Only an idiot would not know what it meant, but I pretended to myself until the day Alex marched into the library.

“Mary,” he said. “I must talk with ye.” I looked up from the accounts I was working on and then glanced at Jamie, sprawled on the floor next to the desk, his nose in a book and his dog at his side.

I nodded at Jamie, and Alex looked around the desk.

“Jamie, lad,” he said calmly, “go and read yer book elsewhere and take Robert the Bruce with ye. I must talk with Mary the now.” Jamie looked at his father in surprise.

“Aye, Da,” he said, but gave me a puzzled glance as he left. I watched him go through the door and then turned back to Alex.

“Well?” I asked. Alex was pacing in front of the fireplace.

“Mary,” he said abruptly. “I’ve sold the Diana? ”

“Good. Did you get a good price?” I straightened my papers.

“Aye.” He stopped in front of me, and I put the papers down and watched him. “And I bought pistols with the money.”

“Pistols.”

“Aye.” Blue eyes met mine. “I’m simply being cautious.”

“Cautious,” I said. “You bought guns to be cautious?”

“Aye. My men must have the best. ”

“When did you do this?”

“Last week.”

“You did not tell me.”

“No.”

“I see.” I concentrated on the trim waist that I had so many times put my arms around. The waist of a stranger. “You did not tell me.”

“Every time I started to, I thought of how angry ye’d be and I dinna want to argue with ye about this as we argued about Malcolm and Robert. Dinna look at me like that, Mary Rose. I dinna mean to not tell ye. I just—”

“Did not tell me.”

He looked at me without flinching. “Aye. That’s the truth of it, lass.” I said nothing. His belt was worn at the buckle. “Mary, lass, look at me. I am simply being cautious. I dinna ken what will happen. But even if we do not join, it may come to us. We must be prepared. I was simply—”

“Preparing to go to war,” I said flatly. He was silent, and we looked at each other. “Alex, are you going to join the rebellion?”

“I dinna ken, Mary. At this point, no.”

“At this point.”

“Aye.”

“But that may change.”

“I will tell ye if it does.”

“Don’t tell me, Alex. I won’t want to hear it. I’ll never forgive you if you leave. Never.” He studied me for a moment, then nodded and left me alone with my fears.

That evening Alex and I climbed to the top of the keep to watch the sunset.

We stood in silence, Alex preoccupied, as always these days.

I sighed heavily as I watched his profile, afraid to ask for his thoughts.

At last he reached for me, draping an arm around my shoulders and kissing my hair.

“Beautiful, no?” He gestured to the sunset before us, magnificent tonight, the rose fading into the indigo line of the horizon, broken only by the uneven shapes of the islands offshore .

“Yes,” I said, and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Alex?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you remember when we met?” His eyes, focused and amused now, found mine, and he nodded.

“Aye, lass, I’m no’so old that I’m forgetting things yet. I remember it well.”

“Do you remember telling me that it would be as I wished?” I could feel him stiffen under my arms and I waited.

“Lass, I promised only to give ye what I can, not what I canna. I am aware of yer wishes, Mary Rose. Dinna mistake me, lass, I love ye more than my life, but I must do what is best for all of Kilgannon, no’just me.

” He paused and looked at the sunset, then back to me.

“Look at me, lass. Look at Angus and Matthew and Thomas. What do ye see? Ye see Gaels, Mary. We’re no’bred to sit by the side of the road and watch the others go by.

We were bred to be warriors, and that’s what we are.

Someday the world may have no need of us, but that’s what we are.

That’s what Gannon was, ye ken, and that blood has come down to me.

” He sighed. “I must listen to what they’re saying, the MacKinnon and Murdoch and the others, before I decide, and I must make my decision based on more than my own wishes.

If I tell the clan to rise they will, and they will abide if I say no.

I must be right and I must decide soon.” He kissed my forehead.

“Mary, I have always told ye what’s in my heart, and I willna change it the now.

What I would like more than anything is to let the rest of the world carry on without us, and if I thought I’d be successful, that’s just what I’d do. ”

“But it will not, Alex,” I said softly. “It’s coming to us every day, demanding that you join them.”

“Aye.” He nodded. “I have noticed that myself.”

“What are you going to do?”

He shook his head and frowned. “I dinna ken. Try to stay out of it if possible. I dinna ken what will happen, Mary. ”

We stood in silence for a long moment. “Don’t go.” I had not meant to say it, and it surprised me when I did.

“I ken yer wishes, lass.” When he spoke again, his tone was soft. “And I’m weighing all the choices, Mary Rose. I dinna mean to act in haste.” He kissed me again, and I had to be satisfied with what little I had.

The next two days were placid. The calm before the storm, I remembered it later, and wished I had enjoyed it more.

The days were growing shorter at the end of the summer, and preparations for winter were already under way.

After the wettest spring and summer anyone could remember, the fall was lovely, although early.

We had warm and clear days followed by cool nights.

On September sixth the Earl of Mar had raised the Stewart banner on the Braes of Mar and declared himself for James Stewart, and the cry, so long in coming, had gone out throughout Scotland for the clans to rise and join him.

Three days later the MacDonald arrived in the loch. I turned to Alex in agitation.

“You know why he’s here,” I said. “What will you do?”

Alex shrugged. “Listen. It canna hurt to listen to the man.”

“I didn’t expect you to love King George or be his ally, but neither did I expect you to change your mind about James Stewart.”

His eyes flashed, but his tone was calm. “I havena changed my mind about James Stewart, Mary,” he said. “But this is less about Stewart and more about MacDonald. I am only going to listen. Surely there’s no harm in that.”

“He is a persuasive man, a man used to having his own way.”

“Aye. And so am I, Mary Rose.”

“He’s very fond of you and thinks you are fond of him.”

Blue eyes met mine. “Aye, well, I am, lass, but I’m no’likely to be swept away by friendship. I’m a great deal fonder of Murdoch and he left without my agreement, if ye’ll remember.” I nodded. Dear God , I prayed, make the Mac-Donald turn now and sail away.

But he didn’t sail away. He landed, determination obvious in his brusque manner when Alex and Angus greeted him as though this were a simple social visit.

The MacDonald merely nodded at me, not bothering with his usual greeting.

Something serious had brought him here, and it wasn’t more wedding plans.

Alex led the way into the courtyard and then the hall, calling for food and whisky.

Most of the MacDonald men had stayed with their boat, which was odd enough to cause many raised eyebrows among the MacGannons.

Those that had accompanied Sir Donald into the hall stayed close to him and watched. I grew un-easier by the minute.

Alex led the way to a seldom-used room on the other side of the keep.

The hallway skirted the ancient structure, and at the last corner, instead of turning left to go the armory as we so often did, we turned right and entered a room built of stone, its walls unrelieved by paneling or plaster.

The room held one long table, surrounded by chairs, and one chest placed to the left of the tall western-facing window.

A few chairs were lined against the walls.

Dust motes danced in the beams illuminated by the last of the afternoon sun, setting the worn surface of the oak table shimmering with light, and I felt the same sense of foreboding that I had felt when Alex rode into the wood with the MacKinnon.

This time, I thought, I will be with him.