Page 16 of Kilgannon #1

“Alex would have none of it.” He gestured to the stairs. “Wait above ’til the doctor comes. I’ll not argue with ye again, lass.”

We waited on deck, Rebecca and I silent as we huddled together, ignoring the curious glances of the crew.

No one spoke to us. At last Dr. Sutter arrived with Malcolm, who looked irritated.

We sat where we were while Angus and Malcolm went below with the doctor, and after what seemed like an eternity Dr. Sutter returned to us, Angus behind him. “How is he?” I asked.

“He’ll live,” Dr. Sutter said. “I’ve given him some medication that will quiet his stomach, but I’d like to know what really—” He glanced at Angus. “Watch him closely, MacGannon. If he is not better tomorrow, call for me. And if anyone else becomes ill, then I’ll admit I’m mistaken.”

“Yer not,” said Angus grimly, and the two men exchanged a look.

Before I could ask what they meant, Dr. Sutter turned to Rebecca and me. “What are you two young ladies doing here?”

“I was concerned about Lord Kilgannon,” I said.

The doctor spoke very quietly. “Are you staying on this boat?”

“No,” roared Angus.

“Oh, no,” Rebecca cried. “Dr. Sutter, we arrived shortly before you did. There has been no improper behavior.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s what the gentleman below assured me as well, and I assured him I would have you leave with me. Now.”

We did. He lectured us all the way home.

It was too much to ask to have gotten away with that.

I spent hours closeted with Louisa and Randolph and still more with them and Rebecca’s parents.

Even Dr. Sutter was brought in to bear witness.

The Inquisition must have been more fun.

Louisa cried and! felt dreadful for having caused all the commotion, although I steadfastly maintained my innocence.

And Becca’s. I established immediately that all blame was mine, that she had been an unwilling companion, and that we had done nothing wrong.

But I knew I had shocked them. Proper young women did not behave as I had, and I had no reasonable explanation.

How could I tell them that I had felt that I must see Alex again, that I was so attracted to this man that I would risk my reputation and my future just for one more hour with him, that I had to know if he were deceiving me?

My own feelings made little sense to me, and I knew that knowledge of them would only further damage me in their eyes.

When I was with Alex it seemed so right to be with him, and although he had not been pleased, Angus had not treated me like a fool.

The Scots had treated me with courtesy, and I admitted to myself with chagrin that I had relied on that courtesy.

If they had not been the gentlemen I believed them to be, this might have had a very different ending.

But I’d had to know how Alex was. I had to know.

It was concluded by the men after an interesting discussion that I had not lost my virtue.

I tried to keep my temper. This would have been a lot quicker, I thought, if they had asked me.

They determined that I was simply a misguided young woman.

Becca’s mother, Sarah, watched me, saying little, and I wondered how much of my true motives she suspected.

She never said anything about the incident to me after that day, but something in her manner made me realize that she knew far more about my state of mind than I said.

By morning, judgment had been delivered.

I was being packed off to Will and Betty at Mountgarden immediately.

That suited me. Alex would be leaving soon, so what was the point of staying in London?

I had no chance to speak to Becca in person, but I wrote to her to thank her and to apologize for causing all of this furor.

Lawrence visited me the day we left with news of her, his manner distant.

He made me well aware that he thought I was foolish and headstrong.

Of course, I did not learn until months later that he, with Randolph and Becca’s father, had gone that night to the brig and insisted upon meeting with Alex and Angus.

Apparently, Alex’s condition and their explanations assuaged his feelings of outrage.

Warwickshire was beautiful in the summer, abloom and fragrant.

Mountgarden had been our father’s and it was Will’s now, but he swore that it would be my home as long as I lived.

How I loved this house, I thought, as we arrived.

Its elegant lines were graceful and without extensive decoration.

Symmetrical and rectangular, it was situated on a small mount from which it drew its name and from which it dominated the woods and pasturelands around it.

Built with comfort in mind, it embraced me as I entered its halls.

I sighed. Home. Not mine, but still home. Not a bad place to be in exile.

Will had been very angry at my actions, and we sat in our father’s office and argued heatedly.

He was furious with me for risking myself in such a manner and lectured me fiercely.

I might be quiet with my aunt and uncle, but I roared back at Will.

I told him that I had done nothing to embarrass either myself or him, but that I had to see Alex again, whether it made sense or not.

I told him that I’d truly been worried about Alex and of my fears that Alex had not wanted to see me again.

He became surprisingly understanding then, as if he’d played his role of protector well enough and now could simply be my brother.

He was not happy with my judgment, but he understood my motives.

At last he signed and smiled, the Will I’d grown up with once again.

“Mary,” he said, “since I met Betty, there has never been another woman in the world for me. Both you and I know that she’s silly and vain and sometimes incredibly witless, but most of the time she makes me feel very important and loved.

I don’t want any other woman on earth, so I understand why you went to see him.

But you were still wrong.” He nodded as though he were sixty years older than me instead of two. “You were very foolish.”

I nodded and he beamed at me. Dear Willy I thought, dear, sweet, underestimated Will. Everyone else was worried about money or position, but Will wanted a silly woman to make him feel good, and he had her. Who’s to say who was the wiser?.

In the next few weeks I had plenty of leisure in which to think.

I conceded to myself that I had been both fortunate and foolish.

It might have not been my brightest idea to visit a man I did not know well on board his boat and put my well-being and that of my best friend completely in his hands.

Still, I was very glad I had gone, if for no other reason than that I was convinced that Dr. Sutter had saved Alex’s life, and without my visit Dr. Sutter would not have been called.

Even if I never saw Alex again, I had the memories, although I did blush every time I recalled them.

I determined that I must have some coarse blood in what was supposed to be a very patrician lineage.

I had kissed him without shame, and when I had seen Alex lying naked in that berth I’d wanted to climb into it with him.

Surely a gentlewoman would not have such thoughts.

Was this how women of low repute began their careers?

I would have to guard my virtue from myself.

At least my foolish trip had taught me that Alex was not leading me on. What would happen now I could only guess.

But nothing happened.