Page 42
Story: Karma’s a Beach
“Pfft, please. Yes, I can,” she argues. “Remember when I broke my ankle freshman year of college? I went to your parents for that. They’d known me for like…
eight years by that point. Neither of them smiled or acted like I’d been in their home or was best friends with their daughter.
It was like going to strangers. A year later when I got hurt playing volleyball and thought I had broken my finger, I went to a different doctor.
No offense, I just didn’t feel comfortable with them.
” She rests her hand on my knee. “You’re not the problem, Liv. They are.”
I let out another shaky breath before saying, “But they’re still my parents. They’re the only example I have. What if this thing with Ash keeps going and…and…I’m not enough because I don’t know how to be enough?”
“Oh, sweetie,” Vanessa says while still petting my arm. “You’re going to be enough because you are enough. Don’t you get it? With the right person, you find a side of yourself that maybe you didn’t know you had. We’ve watched the two of you for two weeks, and…”
She pauses and looks at Loren and Roxie as if waiting for their approval for her to go on.
“Liv, we’ve known you for such a long time, and…we’ve never seen you like this. With Ash, you were relaxed and always smiling and so much like the girl we all remember from before…well…before…”
“You can say his name, Van,” I tell her. “It’s okay.”
“Well, before Matt,” she finishes. “You became a different person after that, and these last few weeks have been like hanging out with an old friend we haven’t seen in almost a dozen years. We’ve missed that version of you.”
“Not that we don’t love every version of you,” Roxie clarifies. “But the old Livi is the version we love the most. No offense.”
“None taken,” I whisper. “I never even thought about how my relationship with my parents was affecting my relationships with men. Like…I already know I was overly cautious because of Matt, but this whole thing with my folks just sort of hit me like a tidal wave out of nowhere. Crazy, right?”
Vanessa finally stops petting my arm to reply. “That’s because you’ve got all these feelings for Ash that are probably overwhelming too. You could probably try talking to your parents, but I don’t see you getting the response you want.”
“Because sometimes parents truly suck,” Loren murmurs.
“Look at my dad! I thought I had the perfect parents and he’s out screwing around!
He didn’t care what this would do to our family.
He was simply thinking with his dick. And now look where we are?
My wedding is going to be ruined because he couldn’t keep it in his pants! ”
“Lo,” Roxie quietly says. “Sometimes people…”
“Are the worst,” Loren finishes. “Sometimes parents really let you down.” She looks at me.
“You have this amazing life! I think you move around so much because then you’re in control and you can keep people at a distance.
You’re fine with us because we’re in your comfort zone.
Ash is going to take you out of that, but not a lot.
For whatever reason, the two of you connected on a level that sort of skipped that awkward phase.
Take the win, Olivia. Take the win and know how freaking lucky you are.
Your parents will never change because in their minds, you’re in the wrong for not becoming a doctor.
” She shrugs again. “You did something better. Something that kept you true to yourself, and you should be proud of that.”
Logically, I know she’s right.
I have struggled for most of my life with distant parents.
They were always more wrapped up in their careers and their patients and had very little time for their own children.
But do we every outgrow the need to hear our parents say they’re proud of us?
I mean…it’s four little words. How hard can it be to just say them?
Apparently, the answer is very.
“I think Ash can love you exactly the way you need,” Roxie says thoughtfully.
“He seems like he’s the guy who can love you more than you can even imagine.
I know it doesn’t take away the damage shitty parenting has given you, but I think it could heal you in so many ways if you give him the chance. ”
“I think you’re right,” I quietly agree, as I think of all the ways he cared for me even before he knew my name.
How he sought me out when he saw me crying, when it would have been easier—and more peaceful—for him to walk away.
Or the night I couldn’t sleep because of Roxie and the dogs, and he was willing to give up his bed so that I could have some peace and quiet.
The man just gives and gives and gives, but…
I know that it’s not all one-sided.
I give too, and I will continue to give because I know he needs me just as much as I need him. And I want to be the person he turns to, the one who’s there when he’s in crisis mode. I want to be everything he is to me.
I am in so deep, and I never saw it coming.
“So…what happens now?” I ask. “How do I…you know…stop being a neurotic mess?”
“You let go of the parent thing,” Loren says. “Trust me, I know it’s easier said than done, but…how often do you even talk to them?”
“Once a month,” I reply, and it’s the absolute truth. They’re busy, I’m busy, and it doesn’t seem to bother anyone that we speak so infrequently.
“Damn, Liv,” Vanessa whispers. “I can’t even imagine what that’s like.
Thank God you and Ash found each other.” Then she laughs softly.
“It’s still the strangest thing, isn’t it?
Every time I think of it all, it still boggles my mind how the two of you just met on a plane and had no idea how connected you already were! ”
“It’s going to make a great story to tell your grandkids,” Loren says, squeezing my knee again. “What do you say? Are you okay? Should we all go and shower and start thinking about dinner?”
Am I good?
I hesitate and sort of mentally take an inventory of myself and realize…yes. I’m okay. I feel better, and my friends all gave me the kind of pep talk that I so desperately needed.
Swallowing hard, I nod. “I am,” I assure them. “I’m going to be okay. Thank you for talking me off the ledge.” My shoulders drop and I feel all the tension leaving my body. “So, what are we thinking about for dinner?”
Roxie stands and stretches before glancing at her smartwatch. “I’m good with whatever you guys decide. I’m going to take the dogs for a walk. I’ll be back in like…an hour.” And without another word to us, she rounds up the dogs, leashes them all up, and walks out the back door.
“Is it just me or is she walking them a little more than she did like a week ago?” Loren asks.
“I really haven’t been paying attention,” I admit. “Maybe she’s just getting in all these long walks with them because it’s almost time for us to go back to reality. I imagine walking along a dog trail behind her apartment complex isn’t nearly as relaxing as walking on the beach.”
“Hmm…maybe. I don’t know. It just seems like she’s watching the clock and leaving at a very specific time each day.”
“You’ve got a point,” Van chimes in. “Between the long walks and her time at the yarn shop, she’s been a little distracted. I think we’ve all been very close since the guys left. We don’t talk a lot about them or rub our relationships in her face, so she can’t be feeling excluded again, can she?”
“I don’t see how,” I tell her. “We’ve been focused on ourselves as a group—talking about things we used to do and sharing our hobbies and things we want to do. And she’s been an active participant in all of it. I’m sure she’s fine.”
Slowly, we all stand, and I eat the cookie that’s been sitting in my hand as we head to the kitchen.
“I’ve been thinking about your book, Liv,” Vanessa casually mentions.
“What about a story about a doctor who’s murdered and his daughter is the prime suspect?
The hero is an old childhood friend or an ex-lover who got thrown out of the police force, so now he works as a private detective, and she goes to him for help.
He doesn’t believe she’s innocent because he knows her history with her parents, but when someone attempts to kill her, he takes her to his secret cabin—you know, where he goes when he wants to be alone—and they rekindle their physical relationship. What do you think?”
“I think after our discussion in the den that you think having me kill my parents in a book would be cathartic,” I say around a mouthful of cookie. “But I’m sure some shrink would have a field day with that.”
“Then kill the brother,” Loren adds with a laugh. “We all know your brother’s also an uptight prick.” She shudders. “How does his wife even stand him?”
“Because he makes a lot of money and she’s an uptight bitch,” I deadpan.
Luckily, they both laugh, and because they are familiar with my entire family, they get it.
We rummage around in the kitchen, seeing what we have to work with, when Vanessa loudly announces that she wants to go out.
“I just feel like tonight we deserve a night out. I think we’re all a little emotionally drained and it would be nice if someone else waits on us. What do you think?”
“I’m fine with it,” I tell her, and Loren agrees. “And I’m sure Roxie will too. After all, we only have a few more days here with all these wonderful restaurants.”
“We have some pretty great ones back in Raleigh too,” Loren reminds me.
“Yeah, but…not right on the water that serve fresh seafood.”
“True.”
We’re all standing around the kitchen island, and I realize we each somehow grabbed a snack that we’re now eating. I guess it’s a good thing, so they don’t go to waste.
“Okay, I need to talk to you guys about something, and I guess I was hesitant because of the whole Roxie situation,” Loren says, sounding a bit timid.
“What’s up?”
Table of Contents
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- Page 42 (Reading here)
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