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We all walk through the house, and I try not to strain to hear what the girls are saying in the kitchen.

Out on the deck, I stand back and watch with a combination of horror and fascination as food is just dumped out onto the paper and plastic table covering.

The restaurant provided paper goods—plates, napkins, and plastic cutlery—and once everything’s set up, they leave.

“Okay! Let’s do this!” Mike says excitedly, knocking on the kitchen window to get the girls’ attention. He looks over his shoulder at me and grins. “No way I’m going in there right now.”

Laughing, I have to agree.

A few minutes later, Roxie walks out with several bottles of beer. Olivia follows with two bottles of wine. Vanessa and Loren walk out arm in arm, giving literally zero clues about what transpired inside other than that they all look fine.

It would be wrong to ask for specifics right now, but I know as soon as we’re up in our room tonight, I’m going to ask Olivia for all the details.

We all settle around the table. The conversation is lively—and primarily about the food—and while I’m fine with it, there’s a part of me who is beyond confused.

I know I’ve never been in a situation where this level of drama existed, and it seems bizarre that we’re all just going to sit here and pretend it didn’t happen.

Or maybe that’s what we’re supposed to do in order to get the vacation back on track.

Obviously the girls all talked, so maybe I’m the only one who’s having a problem with it all.

So instead of obsessing about it, I help myself to some food.

I help Olivia crack some shells, she wipes my face when there’s random sauce where I can’t see it, and I have to say, it’s one of the best—albeit messiest—meals I’ve ever had.

“This is amazing,” Roxie announces. “I never would have thought about just dumping food on the table, but in this instance, it works!”

“I know, right?” Loren agrees, and I find myself homing in on their exchange. “I typically hate to eat with my hands when it’s this messy, but it’s so worth it. When I saw the flyer for this place, I knew we had to try it.”

“Good call,” Zayne says. He looks like he’s about to say more when Mike stands and taps his glass to get our attention.

He rakes his free hand through his hair and looks completely at ease, but I can tell there’s a hint of tension in his body language. I have no idea what he’s going to say though.

“I’m really glad that we’re all back together tonight,” he begins. “I thought about just coming back, enjoying a meal, and hanging out as if nothing happened. But the truth is, something did. And I’m not just talking about the fight the other day.”

I look around the table and see everyone go still.

“We’re all a little out of sorts because the person who always kept every situation light, the guy who made sure we never took ourselves too seriously, and the guy who is the reason we’re all here, isn’t.

” He pauses and I watch him swallow hard to collect himself.

“I’m sure we’ve all processed Matt’s death to some degree, but I feel like maybe we need to talk about it as a group—as his friends—and maybe address the elephant in the room.

Maybe we need to stop tiptoeing around the subject because it’s sad or painful.

And maybe it’s time that we’re all honest with one another. ”

Uh-oh…

“It seems to me the fight y’all had the other day came from a place of brutal honesty.

You said all the things you’ve been secretly thinking but were afraid to say.

” He glances directly at Loren. “And while they definitely should have been said in a kinder way—and some things maybe shouldn’t have been said at all—if we’re all truly friends, we should be able to have conversations about what we’re thinking or feeling without everyone freaking out. ”

Double uh-oh…

When he turns his attention back to the rest of us, I’m sure I look like a deer in the headlights.

“I’m going to go first,” Mike announces, holding up his wineglass.

“I knew Matt since kindergarten. He was one of my best friends, but he was also one of the most flawed people I’ve ever known.

But that didn’t happen until later on. While I choose to focus on the good memories, that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten the bad ones. ”

Then he turns to Olivia, and I swear I feel like I can’t breathe.

“What he did to you was beyond shitty, and I’m sorry that we didn’t do more to put an end to it.

For what it’s worth, I think he truly wanted to be better for you.

And he loved you in his own twisted way.

We talked about you a lot over the years, and he had a lot of regrets.

I think you’re the only one he felt that way about.

I don’t expect that to make anything better, but I wanted you to know that I see you and I’m sorry if I contributed to all the pain you’ve felt. ”

Another pause, but no one utters a word.

“I will say this,” he continues. “I am going to seriously miss his laugh and how he just breathed a whole other level of life into every situation.” His voice catches on that last word as he lifts his glass to the sky. “I’m gonna miss you, buddy.”

We all nod and I’m not sure who’s going to speak next.

I’m utterly stupefied when Olivia stands up.