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We’re all walking slowly and I’m basically on my own and as I look around, all I can think of is how weird funerals are.

I get how we’re all here to pay our respects to a man we all knew and cared about, but it feels wrong to be standing around watching his family as they are going through one of the most difficult things they can go through.

I almost feel guilty when I step outside and we all watch as the casket goes into the hearse and his relatives get into their cars and drive away.

Now we’re all just standing around like we’re not exactly sure what to do with ourselves.

I know I am.

Zayne walks over and shakes my hand. “Hey, Ash. Sorry we didn’t get to talk earlier. It felt weird to lean over Loren and Mike.”

“I get that. I overslept after traveling all day yesterday and got here late. I felt like a jerk walking in late.”

“You were fine.” We stand there awkwardly for a moment and I can’t speak for Zayne, but I wonder if we’re allowed to talk about things other than the funeral. It feels like we shouldn’t, but as I look around, I see people smiling and talking, so…maybe?”

“Are you guys doing anything now? Do you wanna grab a late lunch or maybe have a beer in Matt’s honor?”

“Um…” He looks over his shoulder at where Mike, Loren, and Vanessa are standing. “I’m not sure. Maybe we’ll all…”

My phone vibrates in my pocket. Frowning, I pull it out and see it’s my father.

Shit.

I’m so not in the mood for this right now, but I know I should answer.

“You need to take that?” Zayne asks.

“Yeah. Sorry. I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute,” I tell him before tapping my phone. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”

“Hey, Sebastian. I just wanted to check that you made it home from Denver okay. Any travel issues? I swear every day there’s some report on the news about problems at all the airports.”

Smiling, I casually stroll away from the people still lingering outside the chapel. “The flight was delayed a few hours, but I hung out in the airline lounge, had something to eat, and just relaxed.”

“Why didn’t you just plan on arriving later? You could have slept in.”

“Everything was on time when I left the hotel yesterday morning. We even boarded and sat on the plane for almost an hour before they told us we had to deplane.”

“Wow. Was it a mechanical issue?” Dad’s an aerospace engineer, so he has a vested interest in all things pertaining to flying.

“No, it was all weather related. Personally, I think they were being overly cautious about the storms and I appreciate it. There’s nothing worse than dealing with heavy turbulence and being confined to your seat for a long flight.”

“That’s true,” he agrees. “I’m sure you were glad to sleep in your own bed last night. Three weeks away is a long time. When do you leave on your next assignment?”

“Actually, I’m heading out of town with some friends tomorrow. We’ll be at the coast for two weeks.”

“Two weeks!” His bark of laughter comes with a hint of disbelief. “You rarely take that much time off. What’s going on? Are you okay? Is this because of Matt’s death? Maybe you should speak to a therapist.”

I know he’s just being like this because he’s my dad and he cares, but his answer to everything in the last few years is how I should speak to a therapist. And it’s not like I have anything really heavy that I’m dealing with; he’s just got it in his mind how important it is to take care of your mental health.

He’s had to sit through a lot of seminars on the subject lately because my mom—who is a high school guidance counselor—always insists on taking him to the ones she’s required to go to.

Her reasoning is that it’s good for everyone to be aware of their feelings and their struggles.

That has trickled down to every conversation I have with them.

Am I tired from working long hours? I should talk to someone.

Am I frustrated because a job is taking longer than it should or things aren’t working out the way I thought? I should talk to someone.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m always traveling for work? Well, yeah, that one I probably should have, but it was a year ago and I’m fine.

Really.

We dated for a year, but I can honestly say that we only saw each other once a month.

I’m sure a therapist would ask why I’m traveling so much and if I’m trying to avoid anything in my personal life. The answer? I’m not. But right now, I’m just at a really great place in my career and making a name for myself, so I need to work as much as possible.

“Seb? You still there? Did I lose you?”

“What? Oh, sorry. I’m standing outside the chapel and got distracted.”

“The funeral’s today?”

“It just ended. The burial is private, so I’m waiting to see what the guys are planning on doing. I thought maybe we could go and raise a glass to Matt.”

“That would be nice. Such a shame. He was so young.”

I nod, swallowing a lump of emotion even as it threatens to choke me.

“So, when are we going to see you? I know you’re heading out of town, but what about when you get back? Maybe two weeks from Sunday? Will that work? We’ll grill some burgers and invite your grandparents over so they all can see you. Is that okay? No pressure. Really. Whatever works for you.”

There’s such a thing as being overly agreeable, and that’s Dad. He hates to make waves or feel like he’s forcing you to do things you might not want to do.

“Dad, I just saw everyone last month. It’s not like I’ve been gone for that long,” I tease. “But yeah, that will work.”

“Are you sure? Because I can…”

“Dad?” I quickly interrupt.

“Hmm?”

“We’re good. I promise.”

“Oh. Okay, then.”

I look around and spot Mike and Zayne walking toward me, but see no sign of Loren, Roxie, Vanessa, or Olivia.

“Listen, Dad, I need to get going,” I say apologetically. “The guys are walking over this way and I guess we’re going to go and do something.”

“That’s fine. Tell everyone I said hello and have a great trip! I look forward to hearing all about it when I see you in two weeks.”

Smiling, I say, “Thanks, Dad. Give Mom a kiss for me.”

“Will do. Take care.”

I hang up and slide my phone back into my pocket just as the guys approach. “Hey.” I look beyond them, wondering where the girls went.

Mike immediately notices. “They promised to take Oliva out for Mexican. That eulogy really did a number on her.”

I know, but I don’t say anything.

“Zayne mentioned us maybe going and getting a drink?”

“Yeah, it just seemed fitting,” I explain. “And it’s exactly what Matt would have wanted.”

The guy always had a drink in his hand—morning, noon, or night. In my entire life, I’ve never met anyone who could function so well while under the influence. And yet…Matt did. It was years before I realized just how much he drank.

We all chuckle at that and then sober instantly. “Yeah,” Zayne says with a sigh. “We need to do that. Whose car are we taking and where are we going?”

“Matt loved the Irish pub over on Falls Dam Road. Why don’t we go there?” Mike suggests. “We should probably each take our own cars, otherwise we’re coming back here later.” He shudders dramatically. “I’ll be thrilled to not have to come back to the funeral home anytime soon.”

“Same,” I say as we all make our way back to the parking lot. “So what time are we leaving tomorrow and what do I need to bring?”

“We’re gonna get on the road around noon,” Zayne replies. “You know I’m not an early riser, and considering it’s technically my first day of vacation, I refuse to get up at the same time I’d be getting up for work.”

“Yeah, but the sooner we get there, the sooner the vacation really starts,” Mike counters.

“Not happening,” Zayne says firmly, but he’s grinning. “This trip is all about relaxing and unwinding. I refuse to be rushed.

“That’s fine with me,” I say, because I am all for relaxing and sleeping in.

“You’ve been kind of vague about this trip.

I have a feeling I’m going to be woefully unprepared.

” To be honest, I’m kind of a stickler for being organized and prepared.

Even when I travel for business, I’m packed in advance and have a checklist that I refer to constantly.

All this going with the flow is giving me major anxiety.

“Dude, relax!” Mike assures me with an easy grin. “We’re going to the beach to be lazy. We’ve got a great house that belongs to a friend, so it’s not costing us anything. The only thing we have to worry about is what we want to eat and drink each day. After that, it is really all about chilling.”

“Oh, wow. Okay. That actually sounds fantastic.”

“When we found out about Matt, it made me step back and look at my life,” he went on.

“Loren and I have been dating since forever. We’re engaged, but haven’t set a date.

As much as we both act like it’s fine, I think it’s time to stop living in limbo.

Matt wasn’t sick; he had no idea he was going to die that day.

Do I really want to keep just existing instead of moving ahead with my life?

I want kids. I want to marry Loren. I mean… what are we waiting for?”

I’m about to speak when Zayne goes first.

“So, um…Vanessa and I have been hooking up.”

“What?!” Mike and I blurt out, completely stopping in our tracks.

Zayne looks a little uncomfortable and rakes a hand through his hair.

“When did this happen?” Mike demands, his reaction coming off more like a protective older brother.

“A couple of months ago.” He shrugs. “It was after we all went out for her birthday. We were at that bar downtown, and…you and Loren left and the two of us were hanging around nursing the last of our drinks, and…” Another shrug.

“We don’t need details,” I assure him. “Is it serious?”

And yet another shrug. “I don’t know. I think it could be.

” We come to a stop next to my car. “And, like Mike, after I got the news about Matt, it made me think about what I’m doing with my life.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship in years, in the next five years I’ll be taking over the law firm from my dad, I own my house, but I’m alone. And I don’t want to be.”

“Dude, do not tell me you’re hooking up with Vanessa just because you’re lonely, because that would be super shitty.” Mike’s tone is still a bit snappish.

“It’s not. You know I had a huge crush on her in high school, but we were all friends. Plus, she was dating Scott and…” He shudders. “That guy could have broken me in half like a twig. There was no way I was getting in the middle of that.”

For a minute, no one says anything, but then Mike huffs out a breath and paces back and forth. “This is going to complicate everything. If things go south, no one’s going to be able to hang out together.”

“Nothing’s going to go south, okay? Vanessa and I have talked about it a lot and we’re in a good place.

Have a little faith. I think we’re all still in shock over Matt and we’re all being reflective.

I hate that it happened this way, but maybe this is the wake-up call we all needed.

We’ve been coasting along like we’re afraid to fully grow up. ”

I hate how he’s right. I know I’ve been burying myself in my job, but it’s kept me from having to commit to anything or anyone.

Now I have a feeling this trip to the beach is going to turn into one long group therapy session.

I’m about to try to come up with an excuse so I can back out—two weeks of therapy is definitely not my thing, no matter how relaxing the location is—but that’s me going into avoidance mode and…

Yeah, okay. Maybe I do need some therapy.

And I guess there are worse places to have it than the beach.

“We have two weeks to work this all out,” I say, interrupting the two of them. “How about for today, we focus on our friend and having a drink in his honor?”

They both readily agree and personally, I am more than ready for the distraction.