Page 36

OLIVIA

I t’s almost comical the way everyone’s eyes go wide when I stand, but for some reason, I’m compelled to say something.

“You all know my history with Matt, so we don’t need to address that.

One of the reasons writing his eulogy was so hard was because there were just so many conflicting emotions there.

You may not believe it, but…I do remember all the fun we had before…

before,” I say quietly. “I wrote a brutally honest eulogy almost immediately after I spoke to Mrs. Serrano. It was important to get it all out of my system.”

“Do you still have a copy of it saved?” Zayne asks with a grin, and I know he’s just trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“Sadly, no,” I tell him. “After I read it, it made me feel awful. Like…there was a lot of hate there and I think it said more about me than him. But it also left me struggling to find something good to say.”

I look down at Ash and smile.

“Luckily, I met someone who helped me piece it all together and nudge me in the right direction.” I let out a long breath.

“I stayed away for a long time because…Matt was a reminder of a time I wanted to forget. We were civil, but I wouldn’t say that he was my friend.

But Matt being Matt, he didn’t see it that way.

I’m not sure if he ever told anyone, but…

he was determined to find the right guy for me.

He said it was his mission to do it since he had so clearly been the wrong guy who did a lot of damage.

” The snort is out before I can stop it.

“Maybe that’s another reason I stayed away.

I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of him pawning all kinds of random guys on me. ”

Everyone nods and there are a few soft laughs because they all clearly get what I’m saying.

“Anyway, I appreciate you saying what you did, Mike. That means a lot to me. I get that we were young and there are a lot of people who say I should just get over it, but…it obviously left some scars. But that’s just because…

there was a lot of love there.” I pause.

“Well, maybe not love, but at the time, that’s what it felt like to me. ”

Dammit. There are tears streaming down my face and I hate that I couldn’t get through a simple speech without crying.

I take a moment before raising my glass.

“There’s a quote: ‘Scars are proof that we lived,’” I say.

“So I guess I should say thank you to Matteo Serrano for helping me see that I indeed lived, loved, and overcame. In all of my feelings, I never wished this on you. But I am glad that we never had to do the whole awkward setting me up on a blind date thing, so…”

With that, I take a sip of my wine as everyone chuckles, and then sit down. Sebastian reaches over and gently grasps my hand before kissing it. I’m afraid to look at him because I’m feeling so vulnerable, and maybe a little weird about talking so freely about my ex now that he and I are involved.

Then I realize how stupid it is to feel that way, since that’s essentially how the two of us initially got acquainted.

It doesn’t take long for Vanessa to get up to speak, followed by Zayne, Loren, and Roxie.

There are a lot of funny stories that I had forgotten about, but there is also a bit of a harsh narrative as they share some of the not-so-funny times they all experienced with Matt.

And I know it doesn’t make me sound great, but I’m greatly relieved that we’re not making him a martyr.

I feel like we’re done, but then Sebastian stands, and I hold my breath. He hasn’t said a lot about his relationship with Matt—just a few little tidbits here and there—so I’ve got this morbid curiosity to know a little more.

“This won’t come as a surprise to anyone, but…

I was the nerdy guy, the guy most people didn’t know existed back in high school.

I was nervous about going to college, but I just figured it would be more of the same.

” He pauses and chuckles. “But that summer, I had a growth spurt, finally got brave enough to get contact lenses, and even though I looked different, I didn’t feel it.

I had picked my roommate—a tech major like me—but at the last minute, things got switched and I ended up rooming with Matt.

Just take a minute and envision what that meeting looked like. ”

I smile up at him because I can, and I imagine how uncomfortable Sebastian must have been.

“We didn’t exactly click, but he gave me my space.

Unfortunately, I was not prepared for dorm life or how people just gravitated toward him.

There were people in our room all the time and even though it irritated the crap out of me, I didn’t speak up.

Then, one night, he was like, ‘Ash, we’re going out!

’ No one had ever called me that before, but Matt did, and it stuck.

He essentially helped me create the version of myself that I wanted to be.

He gave me the confidence to stop being the quiet nerdy kid and be someone with friends and a social life.

I’m not sure he realized what exactly he had done, and I never told him.

But I’m sure I must have looked completely freaked out when we walked into that first party. ”

His mirthless laugh breaks my heart.

“Pitiful, right? I needed someone like Matt to help me make friends and navigate a world where I wasn’t just sitting at home in front of a screen.

” He shakes his head before going on. “When there was a party or something fun to do, Matt was great. But I knew almost immediately that college wasn’t for him because he rarely went to class, and he definitely never took anything seriously.

I tutored him, I helped him so he didn’t completely fail, and he used to promise to find me the perfect girl as a way to say thank you. ”

Another head shake.

“I never took him up on it because…well…I just didn’t. When he dropped out, I wasn’t surprised. But I was surprised that he always kept in touch. And thanks to him, I became friends with you guys. There’s a part of me that feels like maybe without him I shouldn’t be here.”

“That’s bullshit, man,” Mike interrupts. “Matt may have introduced us, but we’re friends with you because we want to be. He has nothing to do with it.”

“Thank you. That means a lot,” Ash says gruffly.

“Like all of us, I saw the good and the bad. But for me, I can only be grateful, because if it weren’t for Matt, I wouldn’t be here.

” His hand rests on my shoulder. “And the thought of missing out on knowing all of you is just…well…I can’t even imagine it. ”

And like all of us, he raises his glass as he looks toward the sky.

“Matt, you were truly one in a million, and I want you to know how much of an impact our friendship made on my life. Thanks, buddy.”

We all raise our glasses and drink one more time. When Sebastian sits down, I can feel the emotion—the sorrow—coming off of him in waves. I scoot closer, wrapping my arm around him even as I rest my head on his shoulder.

“That was beautiful,” I whisper, kissing his cheek.

“Yeah, well…”

Conversation starts up all around and everyone digs in for round two of the mountain of food that is still in front of us.

“C’mon,” I say softly. “Let’s enjoy the rest of this delicious food under the stars and the fact that we’re all back together.”

He nods and I move my chair back a bit. Vanessa mentions that she found a place where we can rent a giant outdoor movie screen for tomorrow, along with a projector.

We all start debating on which movies we want to see and the order we’ll watch them in.

Loren volunteers to make us all special individual snack trays to enjoy during the movie.

She’s very crafty because she teaches kindergarten and arts and crafts are her life, so I’m already envisioning these beautiful, snack-filled, charcuterie boards.

When Roxie stands and says she needs to take the dogs for a walk, Ash immediately stands up and volunteers to go with her.

We all work together to clean up the giant mess, but there’s a different…I don’t know…vibe? Aura? The mood is so much lighter than it’s been all week and it’s palpable. I thought we were having fun before the whole big fight, but there’s been a definite shift, and I am here for it.

Mike comes up beside me as I’m rinsing dishes in the sink and he’s grinning as he cheerfully asks, “What’s up, Liv?”

“What’s up, Mike?” I mimic with equal enthusiasm.

“I just want to make sure we’re cool. I know you said it out there, but that was in front of everyone. I just need to know that you’re really okay.”

Turning off the water, I face him, smiling. “You and I were always good. My issue was never with you. But I appreciate everything you said out there.”

He pulls me close and hugs me—a big, clumsy hug that makes me giggle—before giving me the loudest kiss on the head. “Anytime, Livi!”

It takes forever to get everything back to normal and it’s not really late, so we opt to meet up in the hot tub. Roxie and I head up to our room together and when the door’s shut, she looks at me with a serene smile.

“Tonight was…very cathartic, don’t you think?”

I agree.

“It’s crazy how maybe there was this like…tension because we were all trying not to talk about Matt,” she goes on. “How do you feel?”

I have to think about it for a moment. “You know…I think I feel better. Between tonight and the other day, it’s a little like a weight has been lifted.” I can’t help but smile. “It feels good. Really good.”

“We just need to keep looking forward, I think. No more looking back!”

“For sure!” I rummage around to find my bathing suit while Roxie does the same. I don’t want to bring up anything bad, but I can’t help but ask, “Are you doing okay?”