Page 39 of It Happened Back Then (Nilsson Family #3)

T onight is Drake’s bachelor party, so I invited January and Lily, Meadow, Courtney, and Mom over for pizza at my apartment. Meadow and Mom know, but I’m going to tell everyone else I’m pregnant. I’m done keeping secrets, and I’m sure Lily will be excited to be a big cousin.

I hear a knock on the door and glance at the clock. It’s an hour earlier than I told everyone to come. When Mom pokes her head in, I’m relieved it’s her. "Hey, sweetheart. I’m a little early. I thought I could come help you set up."

I give her a hug and we head to the kitchen. “Thanks. I’m really kind of exhausted.”

She laughs. “Yes, the first trimester is the worst. Tired and nauseated. Not a good combo.”

“Definitely not.”

We open up the cute dinnerware I got from the party store. Even though it’s not her bachelorette party, I always love making things a little special for Lily when we’re all together. She loves to party.

“So, did you talk to Bennett? ”

“Jumping right into it, huh?” I laugh.

“I’m your mother, I’m allowed to ask.” She smiles. “How did it go?”

“He wasn’t happy to see me at first. There was yelling and crying. But once I told him and the shock wore off, he was happy.”

“Oh I’m so glad, honey. I knew he’d be happy. I understand why you were nervous, but Bennett has always loved you.

I nod as I place the settings around the table, and she just waits for me to talk.

"I never told him. About what his dad said to me, about the baby, none of it. I thought I was protecting him, but all I really did was break us."

She walks over, urges me to sit then sits next to me and squeezes my hand gently. "You were a child, Blossom. You did the best you could with the fear you had."

I shake my head, my eyes stinging. "But maybe I should’ve said something. Maybe he would’ve stayed, and we’d be living that simple life we always talked about."

“You don’t mean that.” Mom’s voice is soft, but firm.

"Things happened just as they should. He wouldn’t have become the man he is now, and maybe you wouldn’t have grown into the woman sitting with me now.

Pain changes us, sweetheart. Take me for example.

It was chaos for your dad and me with four of you in the house.

But it was getting easier as you got older.

And we knew one day soon it was just going to be us.

We had big plans together, but life didn’t agree with those plans.

And I had to change everything I knew to function in the new life I had. ”

I wipe at a tear as it slides down. "I still feel like I took something from him. From both of us."

"You lost something, Blossom. And then you carried that grief on your own for years. But you got through it. And now you’ve got a second chance."

I look at her, skeptical. "You think he’ll forgive me once I do tell him? That he’ll still want a life with me?"

She leans forward, taking both hands in hers. “Is he the one?”

The words fall from my lips without a second thought, “I can’t imagine loving anyone else.”

“You need to tell him what happened years ago, Blossom. Before bringing this new baby in, he needs to know. And you need to forgive yourself.”

“I know,” I say, feeling the weight of it all. I also know the longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be.

“Can I tell you something?” My throat feels tight and I nod as Mom continues, “Please don’t miss what’s right in front of you because you can’t let go of the past. I know all of this has stirred up a lot of emotions,” she says, watching me closely.

“But you can’t keep carrying all of that inside.

It happened back then, it mattered, and it changed you.

And if you’re going to move forward, you need to talk to Bennett about it.

The good, the bad, all of it. He deserves to know, and you deserve the peace that comes with letting it out. ”

I try to speak but can’t. I can’t get the words out and feel if I do say something, I’m just going to completely break. “You’re going to be fine.” She smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "But you need to talk this out. That’s the only way forward."

Silence settles over us, but instead of it being painful, it’s comforting. “I’m glad you came early.”

She laughs. “Are you? I don’t mean to get heavy or drop big ultimatums. You’re strong; you’ve probably been the strongest of your sisters since dad died. But it doesn't mean you have to do this all alone. Let some of it go. It’s okay to be happy again. Dad would want you to. "

The tears come but this time I smile through them. This time it feels good and I’m excited to walk this out, with all my family this time. "Thanks, Mom."

"Always, baby. Always."

~~

We’re packed around my small little dining room arguing over the no-play list for the wedding. It’s kind of like a no-fly zone, only January is adding songs she absolutely does not want to hear and if they get requested and played , the DJ’s contract is null and void.

I decide I need to interrupt this chaos and tell them right now. It’s got to be quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid, otherwise I’m going to have explaining to do because I don’t know how much longer Meadow is going to keep her mouth shut.

I clear my throat. No one notices. I try again. “So I have news…” My voice is lost as everyone still argues over song choices.

“Why would you ban Lil Jon? He’s a dancefloor classic!” Meadow cries in outrage.

“Because she's uptight,” Courtney responds.

“I am not! My daughter will be there and doesn’t need to be hearing about sweat dropping down ba?—”

“Uh uh uh! If we can’t hear it then, you can’t say it now,” Meadow chastises January.

Finally, I slap my hand on the table. “Okay, listen up!”

Four pairs of eyes turn toward me. January and Courtney look suspicious. Meadow tries to smother a grin behind her wine glass. Mom just leans back like she’s waiting for the show .

“Do you have a song choice, Blossom?” Meadow asks with the most disgustingly sweet voice.

“Yeah. it’s called “Mama’s Song” by Carrie Underwood.”

January smiles. “Oh, that's sweet. For me and Lily.”

I shake my head. “Nope. Not for you and Lily.” I suddenly feel the weight of it while they all look back at me with questions, and I get giddy over waiting for them to figure it out. “What about ‘Ice Ice Baby’?”

Meadow chimes in. “I think ‘Push It’ by Salt ‘N Pepa is a good one.”

“’Baby One More Time’ by Britney?” Mom adds, and Meadow and I crack up.

“Why all the baby songs...?” January's voice drifts and her eyes get wide as she puts it all together. “No fucking way! You’re pregnant?!”

She screams it and the smile that breaks out across my face can’t be contained.

Courtney begins screaming and jumping around.

Lily jumps with her, not really understanding what’s going on but wanting to be a part of it all.

Meadow just smirks smugly, and when they accuse her of knowing and not telling she just shrugs.

“I’m pregnant.”

“With Bennett’s kid?” Courtney blurts, eyes wide.

Meadow smacks her. "Of course it’s Bennett’s, you lunatic."

January is laughing and crying at the same time. “I didn’t even know you two were official again! One minute you’re screaming about him being a menace in bed and keeping it quiet, and now you’re pregnant? ”

“He’s clearly a menace. How do you think it happens, January?” Meadow teases.

Mom cuts in, “I think this calls for champagne and cake!”

Courtney fumbles for her phone. “Wait, do we know if it’s a boy or girl yet? Should I order tiny cowboy boots?? ”

I shake my head as we all settle back down around the table and Mom and Lily grab the cake and champagne. “It’s too early yet. But if Bennett wants to find out, we will.”

This feels so good. I’m so happy everyone is happy. January finally snaps out of it enough to shriek again, but this time she barrels in to hug me. “We’re gonna have another baby in the family! Oh my God! Lily, you’re going to be the best big cousin! I'm gonna be the cool aunt!”

Meadow snorts. “You mean second coolest. I already bought matching onesies for me and the baby.”

“I heard that’s how she got Cole,” Courtney snipes. “They wear matching onesies.”

“Pfft. I got Cole because I give good head.”

“Girls!” Mom yells, turning red and we all snort laugh at her. “Let’s focus here. Who’s gonna tell Lief?”

Everyone freeze, all eyes turned to me, wide with concern. Laughing I respond,

“Don’t worry, he already knows.”

“And he’s with the boys right now! Oh man, anyone got bail money?”

I just laugh, hugging my belly without even thinking.

For the first time in weeks, I feel nothing but happy.