Page 32 of It Happened Back Then (Nilsson Family #3)

T he sun isn’t even up yet but thoughts of Bennett have kept me up all night.

It’s been over two weeks since we’ve had any real contact. I continued to ignore the calls and texts, finally sending one that the bridal shower and the upswing at the store was keeping me very busy and that I needed time to get through it.

He sent one more after that, which still sits unread, just the notification on the home screen telling me:

Bennett: I’m done.

He has every right to be mad. I ghosted him with a poor excuse. Seems I’ll have a really good excuse to come see him now though. I’m sitting on my bathroom floor, against the tub with one light on. My stomach rolls again, and I breathe through it, swallowing slowly.

The test sits on the counter.

I haven’t looked, but I don’t need to. My period is late, and not just a little, but three weeks late. I don’t know how it happened; we’ve been careful. I made sure to use condoms every time. And suddenly I’m thrown back in time, where I sat alone letting the timer countdown.

I reach to the counter, pulling the stick from it and sit back against the tub again. With shaking hands, I flip it over and see two pink lines.

Pregnant.

A sharp breath rushes from my chest, and suddenly I’m crying. The tears fall from my eyes in a steady line. I don’t feel panic, but my mind starts to race, and I breathe deeply as everything comes full circle. Bennett, our pact, the last time I was in this same position. Eighteen and alone.

But I’m not eighteen anymore.

And though I thought I was alone then, I wasn’t. And if I can pull my head out of my ass, I won’t be alone now either. Meadow was right. Bennett is here by his own choices. Of his own free will, loving his job and loving being in our hometown.

Who am I to keep telling him he doesn’t want this?

I picture telling him we’re going to have a baby.

Fear washes over me for a minute, because what if telling him doesn’t bring us closer like I think it will?

I’ve done well at pushing him away, again.

Just when things were just starting to feel steady between us.

Bennett and I were moving into relationship status, and even though he hadn’t told Savannah yet, his actions and words were telling me it didn't matter if she was here. It was me he was choosing.

I’ve always chosen him, but can I get over the big things? Can I get over his dad not wanting me with him? Or how about future run-ins with Savannah? I don’t know how to navigate any of that, but with these two pink lines, it seems I’ll have to learn quickly.

My hand rests on my belly and I whisper, "I don’t know how to do this. ”

But I know I want to. I want this life. I want him. I want everything we were too young and too broken to hold before.

It shouldn’t have taken this test to see the revelation clearly. I have everything I’ve always wanted. It’s time to grow up and stop pushing it all away.

Rising to my feet, I grab a washcloth, rinsing it under cold water before wiping my face. I throw my hair up in a ponytail then walk into my bedroom and send a text to Meadow.

I debate sending him a ‘can we talk’ text next but decide against it. I can’t get wrapped up in that today. I just need a few more days. Let me get through this shower today, finish planning my sister's wedding, and then I can tell Bennett.

And hopefully I won’t lose him for good in the process.